Flowers bloomed where you traced your fingers.
They grew as if fed by your caress.

And slowly, I became a garden.

My bleeding red Dicentras fluttered, as your hands lingered.
Tuberose & orchids twisted together, covering my dress.

Your words sprung up fresh new buds.

But Lavender began to spring up from the words you planted.
And from my eyes began to sprout begonias, purple and dark.*

I realized that you were not willing to accept that I couldn't grow orange blossoms.

You & I knew my soil wasn’t able to be enchanted.
So I clipped all of my flowers, and shot the lovely larks.

You said I wasn't worth tending. Was I not?

*You kicked the dirt and ripped up the last of the lilacs

Feeling self destructive
How does one feel so?
I wouldn't know how
But I know how it goes

I'll get ******* at everyone
Turn of the telly and cut the tube
I'll say to myself, "I'm ******* done."
And I'll not sleep, like normal

Music won't do its good deeds
I'll smoke half a cigarette,
But put it out & do some speed
I'm just kidding, I don't do speed

I'll grind my teeth a little
Feel my eyes tighten into suspicion
Play the world's smallest fiddle
For my own sorry ***

You can emphasize
The lies
You can hide the codes
In your lymph nodes
Yet fables are sticky as tar
You're running but you won't get far
Lungs beaten by cheating breaths
Drenched in slimy tales, never quenched
It'll only get harder as you start to stumble
And eventually, tumble
All the things said, they'll fill up your chest
Eyes will go cloudy, unable to digest,
Brought to knees, hands on the ground
They found you, lies your heart has been wound around
Chest torn open for all to see
And in the middle, I think, somewhere, there was
Me

My social skills are strong enough
I can live with parties & get togethers
But home is most comfortable
Even though my definition of home is weak
Home is where I can be alone
Certainly preferable
To small talk, oh how I hate small talk!
It's just a long road not worth the walk
Words are me when they are written, not spoken
And I'm the one who prefers to listen
Sit back and watch everyone else go
And I never liked putting labels on things
Too organized, not enough chaos
But as much as I try
My insecure human nature
It loves to name
And it names me an introvert
By the loosest definition
I don't want to name myself anything
I just want to be me
But even 'me' has been dibbed by labels
Not even 'I' is really mine
Because it is shared with everyone else
And the only way I feel better is
Is when I'm alone at 3: 26 a.m.
Where 'I' and 'me' feel like my own

Read each word
Reach for each word
Let it sit in your mouth
Twirl in with your tongue
Taste it
Savor it
Feel it on your cheek
Then speak

I had a blow out tonight
A literal physical one
But a mental one
Followed soon after

Like water you fill my consciousness,
Flooding the entirety that is my thoughts.
And when it drains, it feels so dry.
Let it not drain. Let it rain & rain & rain.

How did I get this way?
I wonder
With my footprints scattered
Across the sea

And suddenly I hate this world
For hating me

Such a strong word,
Hate
And I wonder

Does saying a strong word
A thousand times over
Make it any weaker?

Can I disarm a language?
Dissect the letters with my tongue?

How did I get this way?
I wonder
With weights on my lungs
And smoke in my flesh

The world is rotting away
Can't they see it?
Can't they?

I've got handprints on the stars
Cut up like thanksgiving turkeys

I'm not asking you to understand
I'm not asking you to listen at all
I'm just asking you
To open your eyes.

Question everything, please.
Even this statement.

Even me.
Even you.

We are floating along
In the middle of infinite time and space
And you want me
To justify my existence
Just like that?

Just like that?

What if I can't?
What then?

What now?


Truth be told,
Most days I feel like all that I'm really doing
Is just waiting to die.

In the face of beauty, I am breathless,
And I am asthmatic around you
My heart leaping from my body
Determined to cross paths with the one it loves.
My heart will leave my body
To climb into another
To snuggle deep within your chest
And say "I love you."
Awakening me and
Feelings long forgotten
The feelings I had for you.
I don't want to forget
secrets
late nights
whispers
of love
and comfort
agony in the most blissful way
imaginable.
I remember love
as if he is an old friend
he sings me to sleep
with promises of you.
and with you i know
fireworks
passion
warmth
flowers and grass
the breeze playing with my hair
the may air suffocating me
with happiness
The curtains conducting
a song of love
with the breeze and the birds chirping
Can you feel it?
can you feel me next to you
clutching, clinging, caring?
caring so much i could break.
fireworks fill my heart with
flowers and Easter eyes
the rebirth of love
seeds planted in my chest
a chain of daisies around my lungs.
a tree forms in my stomach
and the branches seem to quiver
in the may air
the sun kisses us
almost the way you kiss me
and we laugh together
swinging upward toward the sky
the may air is everywhere
and i am breathless in love