katalin

Sep 2020

Kamski

The fleeting moments
Where we both converge as one,
I could not go as high as we’re meant
For I be burned if I reach too close to the sun.

March 19, 2020

katalin Sep 2020

thoughts

over the times i created so many versions of myself
sometimes it's difficult to keep up

but now i can tell i'm getting better
although the many obstacles and up and downs
in spite of everything i've done to myself
i somehow manage to keep myself up

still, i get scared of the thought of going where people are
still, unkind words about me hurt
still, i often regret what i say and how i act

but i grow stronger every time

found this in my drafts. it made me smile.

katalin Sep 2020

everything hurts

only if you saw yourself
the way i see you.
only if you knew
how much i care about you.

katalin Sep 2020

youdonthavetohide

you don't have to hide it under long sleeves when you are with me
it hurts so much to see you go through the hell i just got out of
i know, you are a complicated person, you don't like to open up
i know, i saw it, i saw your scars, i feel you getting distant.
you're here and yet you're not
you are slowly dissolving, falling apart, dying
when i hug you it feels like i'm not hugging anyone
when we talk your mind does not come back
instead, it travels in the darkness, drowning in loops and tunnel-visions.

is my worst nightmare coming true?
are you leaving?
please come back
we miss you.

don't leave me here.

im scared.

katalin Jul 2020

the scenery that carved itself in my memory

and as the shadows lenghtened
my cat and i
we settled down on an unused staircase
leading to a door that isn’t going anywhere
sun poured its gold all over us
as we bathed in momentary bliss
my tummy served as a cushion for his paws
caressed him as he was slowly fell asleep
showering him with delicate kisses on his forehead

and i wondered
how many evenings like these
have i missed
hidden in my room
with this heaven at my fingertips

scared by how okay i would be
with dying in that moment

#peaceful

katalin Mar 2020

one of those evenings

last string of sunlight reaches through the branches before it disappears,
my sheets tinted orange,
lingering headache, heavy eyelids,
chopin slowly fading out in my head
the window's open; cold air-kissed skin,
these moment, these fragments i cherish,
saving them for the times they'll be gone.

#fragments