hand in hand, we stood
under blossom trees, your palms
cold  with your fingers wrapped
around my own
dutiful, almost
you belong entangled with me
the wind carries a whisper
of our voices
pleading
let go now, let go, you're holding on too tight
but it feels like you're slipping away
through my clammy palms
your icy hands, numb but still
the pain remains
I can't let go
it doesn't feel like I have anything
left within you to hold onto
you're already gone

you are a God
of a whole other name
a being with entities
beyond this world
a compassion so strong
that the elements of life
couldn't even bring down
the first brick in the wall
that is your love

you are a girl
with the world at her fingertips
heart made of steel
and breath as cold as ice
your lips move
but nobody else does
we are all stuck in your words
each of us a syllable
tantalisingly addictive
we cannot get enough

you twist your limbs around us all
not to keep us in your arms
but to help to soften the fall
because you will drop us all one day
we will plummet to the ground
unable to fight
unable to protect
because your words still twist
around your mouth

sadness became more like a drug to her
her mind becoming
more and more clouded
with the darkness in her head
and her eyes
looking more lonesome
and desperate
every single day

she would hear the voices
and they told her to do it
they told her to stay this way
they told her she had a choice
eternal sadness
or eternal sleep

she liked the look of the pills
pink and blue and brown
and she liked sleeping a lot
and she found the little pieces of metal
so pretty
and shiny
and bright
            everything she wanted to be
but she didn't understand
what the voices had meant
for she was
far
too
tired
and she couldn't handle being so sad
and so she chose sleep

follow the chains of daisies
I left just for you
follow me into the hell
that you put me through
walk through the cobbled streets
of the living purgatory
you made me fight through
each
and every
day




it hurt
to be left in such
a desolate place
while all the time
you falsely declared
your love
and affection
and made me believe
such a thing could
ever exist

I want to be your thoughts at 3 am
When the rain is falling silently
And I cant decipher whether its your heartbeat
Leaving such a sour taste in the back of my
Throat
Or if its just the bottle of ***** we shared
Burning the memories and the words you spoke into the depths of my neck

And I claw cause I want them gone
But I know once they're erased
I'll be screaming for the taste
And I'll miss you in the way that im so thankful youre gone

We were both drunk
I know
and you said it was all as friends
but you knew I already loved you

You kissed me
you held me close to you
and even in my most vulnerable state
still all you did
was hold me in your arms
until the intoxication passed

Your lips touched mine
and it threw me into the deep end
"Just friends" you repeated
over and over
but I was so enthralled by you

I still am

but we're only friends

the way that the morning air
kissed your skin before i had
                               the chance
and the way that your lips
tasted so sweet
but not bitter
just perfect
and your hands
in my hair and
our legs entwined
and the                              beauty
of knowing that you were
all mine even
just
for
a night

bitter inconsistencies in the world
one minute she loves me
next minute shes setting me on fire and turning me to ash in her mind

i dont know where i stand with her
i just want to stand beside her
hold her hand and remind her that her demons won't be here forever

and i'd fight them all off for her
if she would just guide me
through the shadowed parts of her mind that i know she tries to hide

i want to trace the scars on her arms and ribs
remind her that the demons cant seep back in
id kiss the marks and tell her they were permanently healed

no way for the terrors that haunt her soul
to find their way back when i banish them to hell
i'd do that for her

this ship will
carry my hollow
bones

back to the
distant
shoreline

my heart
will be
broken

my mind
will be
sore

but I will
be safe again
once more

my bones
next to yours
drowned

your voice was running short
your breath growing raspy
and you couldn't speak any more
but I hope you saw me in your dreams, darling

I hope you thought of me
in your blissful escape from reality
even if it was only temporary
I hope I crossed your mind
even for a short time

Can the rainfall translate into words of love
in the same way your heartbeats always patted
out the same old beat, I love you
I love you too

  Could the wind through the trees
ever whisper as softly as you did at 3 am
when we stayed awake all night just trying
to remain alive?

  The heavy breaths I felt on my chest
before you would awaken and kiss me a little too hard
were always the most calming sounds I believed any
human could make

  The storm clouds don't really exist anywhere
outside of my mind, and the lightning struck lovers
that we always were just had to see the sunrise
one day

time passes by more slowly when you're not around, and I cannot fathom why
maybe it's because when I'm missing you, I spend so much time thinking about the little things
like the way your hair falls when you're sleeping next to me, and the sparks I feel when our fingers collide briefly, and it's enough to drive my head into a spin
I fall into a world where time ceases to exist, and in that world I'm surrounded by you and all the little things that make me fall deeper, and when I leave I feel sadder than I did before
because you aren't there,
and the hours in my head were minutes in real time, and it's going to be so much longer until I see you again
I count down the days and the minutes and the seconds
I count up the ways I could tell you how I feel
but the moment I see you every ounce of common sense escapes me
and I've left myself at a dead end, because I'm only your friend, and nothing more
I've allowed myself to fall into a place that I never wanted to be, and when I'm lying next to you, you don't care, but when you're lying next to me, the world seems more colourful, and I don't feel as dark, my mind feels alive but my body is paralysed by the feel of your breath on my neck

I sleep a lot more now, because being awake is harder without you around

I sat in the middle of
the cold stone floor
and I imagined I was
somewhere
more tranquil

a place that I
could be
h a p p y
and a place
that I could finally
                                    smile

a peaceful place
free from the pressures
my mind brings me
free from                                life
and
from love and pain
and hurting
a place

that was so perfect
I had to come back
to Earth
because I am flawed
entirely
and I do not belong
in such an absolute place

I am not
                *w
                    o
                      r
                        t
                          h
                            y

I have memorised the way
that your lips move
to the doleful tune of
I love you
the bitter taste
on your tongue
leaving a sour aftertaste
in my mind

cuts will heal
and scars will fade
and although the memories are real
time will protect you
and keep you safe
and you'll be okay again

im withering
and falling so softly
to the ground
slowly fading away
hidden amongst the crowd
of flawless beauties
and hidden eyes

if the moon ever refuses to shine
and the wind ever ceases
to rush

just know that I think that
your beautiful soul will be
more than enough

I do not need the four elements
or five senses or 206 delicate, breaking bones
I just need your love to pull me through

I want to spend my night
locked away in your dreams
and you weaved into mine
and we'll see each other
in our unconscious paradise
and we'll tell each other
''I'm sorry''
we'll hug like we used to do
and I'll stay still in your arms
unable to move
because I'm scared of leaving you
all over again
then I hear the alarm from my phone
                 your favourite song of course
and it's morning
and I can hear the birds
singing to me
and the wind whispering your name
and I know I have to leave you
again
and I try to scream out
to take me back
but no sound will escape my mouth
and I miss you, dear

it was the way you never even looked back
or apologised for any of your doings
that really led me to believe that i was simply
n o t h i n g
and you did all you could
to take any light from my life
to make a vulnerable young girl
feel like she was alone
in the vastness of the universe
and that is dangerous
so d a n g e r o u s
and for that
i am never forgiving

the only reason
i ever submitted
to all of your childish needs
was because i was alone
vulnerable and broken
and in need of a hand to hold
and the fact it just happened to be you
that tripped me up
along the path to recovery
is the only reason
i will ever look back
upon my past and frown

it seems strange that by the will of myself
I stumbled across a person like you
that sees only the good in destroying oneself
and never thinks about the consequences
of words, actions and thoughts

I noticed how swollen your knuckles were
on the day that I first met you - nothing has changed,
I suppose you still find adrenaline and comfort
in punching walls.
They can't feel, you know.

you always hide your hair under a hat,
but I can't deduct why. I know that very few people
have seen your bare head, your bare body, but why
do you hide it, when I know how beautiful
it really is?

your pasty skin, your prominent bones,
your cut up shins and bruised arms
and the rise and fall of your chest
when you're laying beside me
at midnight

i loved you when you needed to be loved
and i never wanted to leave
but you tore my heart to shreds

goodbye is the most painful word
and the hardest way to break us apart
but i'm  hurting

i can't really stay around you
you're poisoning my soul
and i'd say i'm sorry

but i'm not
so
goodbye

I wanted you to look into my eyes
and tell me that you loved me
and I wanted to know you meant it
by the gleam in your eyes
and the way you looked at me
like a beautiful piece of artwork
like the most fascinating being
on the planet
and like I was so extraordinary
and unique

but that didn't happen
you never even so much
as looked in my direction
and you only broke the silence
between us
when you wanted something from me
never passionate love or a
memorable kiss
just a few coins
for a drink
and a tiny bit of my broken heart
each and every time
you brushed me off
like I was nothing

i never wanted to say
g o o d b y e
but you left me
            no other choice
i don't know how it has
come to this
but it really
wasn't my fault

i don't want an insincere a p o l o g y
or a reason to stick around
i want to know you'll
always remember me
not as the one that let you go
but as the one who                          never             gave            up
until you pushed her t  o  o  far

i want to fall asleep to the calming melody of your breathing,
i want you to whisper things to me in your deep slumber,
things that you would never say
had you been wide awake,
i want to hear you tell me about all the hidden things
stuck in your mind just waiting to escape
i want you to have some semi conscious trust
to sleepily know that you are telling me these things
and not to be afraid by that, but comforted
by the fact that i'm here and listening
i want you to tell me that you love me
and then as sunrise comes
i want you to awaken me with a kiss
tell me your mind, although slightly drowsy,
is only expressing the simple truths that
the daylight hours find daunting to tell another soul
tell me your heart is consumed by me
and you want me forever
because i want you forever

your eyes
are so beautiful
and it would be an honour
to drown in them

my lips are quivering
so desperate
to feel you
against me

your voice is
filling my head
and your heart
filling my chest

your silky fingertips
flowing over my soul
your mind working
in harmony with mine

you saved me once
and broke me            ten thousand times
in return

you led me into
a false sense of security
and an agonising                                 l i e