He stands before her
Like a man sent to the gallows
Head bent, looking unkempt
(Supposedly?) the posture of guilt

His mouth weaves together
Floral wreaths of honey
To be tucked into her hair
Or placed above his coffin
After his death
While his calculating brain is hoping
Her x-ray eyes cannot see through his act,
His esophagus, and into his stomach
Still digesting his last meal
Served by the prison officer
Consisting of a woman who
Smelled like drugs and roses except
The flowers sold outside now
Have lost their smell
- - -

"How will I know he won't leave me again?"
"You won't."

I miss everything.

I miss everyone. I miss my mum, my dad, my grandma, their home cooked food, all my four siblings, my bed, my soft toys, my hamster. I miss disturbing my siblings whenever I felt sad because I'm a sadist, miss eating in front of my laptop instead of having to make small talk with strangers over dinner, miss the comfort of my family, miss the luxury of just being able to hug my knees in the snug silence. I miss my home, my real home..

I miss my other home too, where home was once where ever he was. But that home shut me out when the weather was icy cold and sleet was pelting at me, slicing me up from the inside. I tried so hard to pick open the lock, to ram open the door, tried peeking through the windows for that someone to let me in, tried looking for the spare key; But no matter how much I tried, I couldn't get back in. And I think I won't ever be able to feel the fireplace's warmth on my skin while lying on the intricate, rich soft carpets in that particular house again. I miss it so much.

I miss him so much.

Last night, I dreamed that I lost someone very important to me. Someone who has watched over me ever since I was young.

I woke up with tears streaming down my cheeks, unable to remember who it was that I'd lost. My mind then slowly wandered to the precious, intangible things I was born with and have cast away. Like a child who will try to reach for the 3D figure in the movies only to be disappointed with thin air, I've tried but failed to salvage them.

My trust, my soul, and my heart - these are what I'd carelessly given, and have never gotten them back since.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
*Your departure triggered
A lifetime of homesickness
Because "home is where the heart is."
And mine is still with you.

I baked you a loaf of bread,
but you tore it to pieces
and fed it to the ducks
on our last date to the park.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
*"How does it feel to have someone return your love?" I mused.
"How does it feel to love?" He wondered back.

We line up in two parallel columns, me at the front of the first column and you beside me on the other.
You flash me a challenging grin. I smile back, accepting your offer.

The coach blows the whistle and we start to sprint across the hall towards the line of hurdles.
We match each other's pace, leaping across the hurdles of increasing height in perfect synchronization.

We reach the final and tallest hurdle.
You briefly turn your head towards me and mouth something.
I can't hear what you're saying - you're too soft. Or maybe my heart is too loud.

I shift my focus back to the last hurdle and heave my springy legs up, confident I can at least break even in this match.
But even before my right ankle was on the same level as the hurdle, my line of sight plunges, and I crash head-on into the embarrassing mess of defeat.

I tilt my head up in time to catch you flawlessly hop across what's become of my failure, your posture lacking any hint of looking back at me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
*Till now, you haven't looked back.
And I still can't get over that last hurdle,
the same way I haven't gotten over you.

The day brings me smiles
The night brings me tears
Isn't it obvious which I prefer?

The sun gives me strength
Its warmth gives me hope
Yet the skies cloud my vision
With lies that I'm told

The night blinds my heart
The monsters come to a start
Yet the moon brings clarity
Along with stars that form a path

The day brings me smiles
The night brings me tears
Is it more obvious now
On which I prefer?