fisharedrowning

fisharedrowning Dec 2013

Sharps
and flats.

As with me
and you,
reality,
and myself;

I am no longer in tune.

fisharedrowning Dec 2013

Sometimes, when I get my hopes up, I would imagine a gun in my hands and shoot the flying yellow canary down.
I thought: its life would already have been short-lived, and nothing would have come from it anyway. Better to finish it off fast than to let it suffer.
"The only product of hope is disappointment." That's what I constantly reminded myself.

But then, I realized, what I was shooting at wasn't a canary.

The bird morphed into the shape of a girl, her frightened eyes staring back at me. I knew who she was, I could recognize her anywhere; because I see her everyday.

And then I finally understood.

I wasn't just trying to ****** a bird, or a stranger, or my hopes.
I was trying to **** me. I was destroying myself, starting from the inside out.

I was getting the over-idealistic colours ****** out of my soul, in preparation for the funeral procession that would officially get me stamped and labelled as a sensible, practical, money-making product of society.

fisharedrowning Dec 2013

where are you?

I'm looking for love.
Turning over rocks,
wading in rivers
for that someone;

That special someone,
who needs my warmth,
as much as i need his.
Who yearns for my touch,
as much as i yearn for his.
Who opens up his heart,
as much as i open mine for him.
Who makes time for me,
as much as i can for him.

I'm looking for someone
who needs me,
and is searching for me,
as i am for him.

fisharedrowning Dec 2013

can one fear happiness?

Can I tell you about
this feeling I'm experiencing?
These iridescent bubbles
that are merrily drifting around
my laughing, beating heart?
I haven't felt this way
ever since then.

And I'm so afraid
because it's like taboo to talk about
the glittering sparkles in my eyes,
the blooming flowers in my mind,
the light whistling from my mouth,
and the cheerful chirping in my ears.

I fear
that if I try to cup
this ray of sunshine
it will only be
consumed by my shadow.

fisharedrowning Dec 2013

asthma.

i should have known
from the moment i saw you
and the time when you left
to my present diseased state now

should have saw the signs
and noticed the symptoms:
my chest constricts
whenever you're around
my lungs swiftly assaulted
leaving me gasping
as if i just swallowed
an entire ocean of saltwater

like asthma, you took my breath away
at first, it led me to a good place
akin to a whirlwind floral maze
now that you're gone
i thought i would recover
but then, as with asthma,
there is no cure for me
i realized with a shudder

the painful tattoos
were burnt into my heart
and there they will
remain forever

fisharedrowning Dec 2013

seesaw.

Ups, and downs.
I see us through liquid smiles,
you saw us with regretful frowns;
We stand on opposite ends of the isle.
You are high when I am low,
we are but deadweight to hold onto for control.

What matters is past and present:
I still keep the photos of us,
while your heart's still not shaken.
I still see us in my dreams,
and as for you, you are not keen.

fisharedrowning Nov 2013

"time heals all wounds."

They say
"Time heals
all wounds."

"It glues
the pieces of you
that broke
when you were torn
from your lover's heart
and thrown onto
the ground."

I say
that's a lie.
For after 3 years,
5 months,
12 days,
22 hours,
42 minutes,
and 50 seconds;
you are still
haunting me.

The puzzle
never fits.
The heart
still aches.
The candles
stay unlit.
And at times
I break.

No,
time does not
heal all wounds.
But it gives you
the strength
of a 10-ply tissue,
the memory
of the finest sieve,
and the melancholy
of a young literati.

It gives you
threads of silver and red;
and it's up to you
to weave the mess
into a conceivable,
beautiful,
tragic scar.