Separate beds and shades
Of reds. Intimacy is
A ****** handprint.

i actually saw sad before. in words.
i saw her laying on the floor.
next to me. as i read her quietly.

leaning against the couch. lifting a
glass of wine to her mouth. as she
shouted how she hated me.

touching. then inhaling.
begging. then crying.
a crook. who repents.

in the robbed. smoke-filled.
brooklyn apartment.

crinkled. crumbled.
waste basket. shot.
not empty. but filled.

with sad.

tears.

helping me realize the
should-haves and what-ifs.

a stream running.
over smoothed rocks. forming
bumps from under. drowning pollywogs.

numb. idle. this prosaic.
emotions stacked. like the dishes
in the drying rack.

drip.

drip.

never realized how much
music i made until
she was gone.

the snare on the
table.

the cling on the
railing.

against my phone
nervous twitch.
clicking the clip

on

black pen.
the drop in
left pocket.

snare. snap.
boom. bip.
shuffle. tap.
slip of lips.

synchronizing a
new chorus.

now

the hits are hollow.
the verse empty.
sans ring.

thump.

if i were a security guard
i'd be a better
writer

writing like a real
writer with time
to feel

the people watching
i'm engaged in.
passionate

wouldn't even begin
to explain the
half of it.

it's life and it's
distractions
cracking

the complications of
my own plan.
the

man i'm destined to
be (period).
deleted.

on the run. keep me
seated (ellipsis)...
and i'll
write.

right
off the page.
onto
my pant leg.

dedications. heart
to hand (cramp).
wondering

what will i do when
i grow up. i know
what.

become a security
guard at santa
monica

pier
and

dis-
appear

dis-
regard-
ing

who i
am.

they'll think i'm
there to stop all
wrong.

but all i want
is to stop and
write.

i meant (italicized)
to commit
to many things.

i meant (underlined)
to submit to
my authority.

obligation.
restriction.
(pause) deterioration.

i go over the
f o r m u l a
over and
(caps) over

again. one
that no (bold) one
looks at.

but me (underlined).
accepting what i see.
some form of (italicized)

rotary dial coin slot skipping cd broken sink peanut
butter and jelly crust click push breathe particles
layered dust on the window sill.

commited to a mental
institution (meant to).
middle eastern tradition.

no variety (elipse) —sonic boom—
no room for parady (italics) commit
suicide.

a process according
to the scribbles
of man.

and a pattern that
absolutely
nothing
amounts
to (period).