Can I just Give up?
Its what I want to do.
Take this blade
and end it all.

Can I just lay down
and accept defeat?
It'd be so much easier
then living in hell.

NO
I CAN'T
I WONT

I want to
I so despretly want to
but I know I can't

My family they need me
They want me to stay.
So I will push it all away
and learn to survive.

Memories of a forgotten past
turn back time, make our love last
return the beauty of a withered flower
rekindle the love that we desired
give back the heart that once was mine
reunite our souls and make them shine
touch the lotus then make it bloom
turn on the lights to banish the gloom
heal the wounds, remove the scars,
set up the fire to light the stars
get the empty spaces, fill up its void,
no matter what happens, we wont be destroyed
turn back time and dry the tears
thwart that moment when we had sever

I try to keep it together
I try not to show it.
But I'm falling apart inside.

The pain is becoming harder to ignore
The tears are getting harder to push back.

But I keep pushing it away
I wont let it out.
There are people out there
Who are more important than me.

But its still there
just below the surface.
it keeps building and building.
and I fall back onto my old ways of coping

Cutting
puking
denying myself sleep.

Why does this keep happening to me?

But I know why.
Because I keep it bottled up
I wont let it free

because there are other people out there
who are much more imprtant than me
They need somone to be there for them

I'll be fine
I'll be ok
because I dont matter.
I'm not worth it.

I watch from the front seat
as you and your prom date
enter the building to the dance inside

My, you are growing up
My little brother
off to junior prom
My , where have the years gone?

I still remember the little brother
who use to follow me around,
with a stuffed rabbit in one hand
and a goofy grin on his face.

The little brother
with the sqeaky
adolesont voice

I Still remember him
But when the hell
did this little boy grow up to be
this amazing Man that stands in front of me?

****, it makes me cry because,
My little brother
isnt so little
anymore

Life without your love
Is no life at all

All it is is an empty existance
deviod of all emotions.

Without your love
my life is meaningless

Just a hellish life,
worthless.

It's been five years today
since you left my life.
To live in the great unknown

My big brother
My best friend
The person who knew
just how to make me laugh
when I was down in the blues

You were so full of life
Your heart so full of love
My memories of you
will never fade.

Running around like Psychos
in the Target store down town
Taking posters and sword fighting
riding on the tricycles.

Sleepovers at my dads
That the grown ups didn't know about
even though they were in the next room

confiding in you secrets
I had never told a soul.
Confiding in me the fear
you never let show.

But then you were ripped away
Taken from me to soon.

Its been five years
and the pain of losing you
has never gone away.

Christmas time wont be the same
not without your adorable face,
and witty loving humor.

I didn't know you all that well
But you've always been there.
For as long as I can remember.
Every single Christmas memory
You love and comfort
are always there.

Rest easy **** Lucile
I hope heaven is beautiful
I hope you are no longer in pain

Watch over me
watch over all of us

I love you
You will forever be
In my heart