As I look at the person I thought I knew
Sticking a needle in her arm
About as skinny as a twig
toothpicks for legs
only veins she shot up in for arms
She was my protector
until the drugs took over
Now, nothing that protects
just the oxygen tank that keeps her bleeding
It’s all she can hold and keep close
The only thing she’s unable to sell for a “fix”
The only thing trying to save her life
she gave up a long time ago

Passing this trait to both of her daughters
Can’t let it happen to me
I still have a future ahead
I can’t let her ruin my life
Even though I ruined hers
I have to leave

She was a role model
now she’s a charity case
images of what not to be

I always promised her
I would stay no matter what
what if I had stayed
didn’t let her push me away
why did I ruin her life
she always tried saving mine
why did I **** her

My favorite past-time is going to the lake,
The one with all of the ducks,
Somewhere deep in a country,
Not many people knew,
“Throw the bread to their mouths,
They’ll catch it” she would say,
Jumping and throwing, seeing who could throw it the farthest
They would catch them,
Right in between their beaks, then like magic,
They’d disappear,
My favorite past time,
It’s where the wild flowers grew and grew,
They were taller than me sometimes,
I never ever knew how they grew so tall,
Until I myself did too,
My favorite past time,
It was a long time ago,
Back in the time when to know a lot made you grow,
Back in the time when,
There was no drugs, no drama, and only,
Me, us, and the ducks

It’s Finally Friday,

The last day of the week,

The only one that really counts,

Watching the clock all week,

5 days of sitting and watching,

5 days of waking up at the worst hours of night,

Trying your hardest to finish,

5 long long days,

But it’s finally Friday.

It’s finally Friday,

Now we can just chill,

Just hang, Sleep!

We get to sleep, 2 days of nothing but,

Sleep!

You know you need it,

You got so tired from waiting,

Just time to sleep,

No need to wake up early,

Or stay up late, if you want,

Just sleep.

Monday it was the worst,

Tuesday, not the best,

Wednesday, just another day to remind you,

You still have days left,

Thursday, just a day thrown in for torture,

But Guess What,

It’s Finally Friday!

**** my life,
I really hate it,
Nothing can be said, felt, or even thought without someone having something to say,
Why do people always have to assume,
You have certain things now, and they turn into everything,
People always think that it’s the big things that shape you,
Trauma,
When in reality,
It’s the small things,
What people say, how they act, them in general,
When in reality,
It’s nothing,
Only you can make you,
*******, that’s a lie
This right to free speech that everyone brings up,
It’s *******,
It’s only okay to say what you think, if everyone in power agrees,
I don’t mean government,
But whoever's in power around you,
If they don’t agree,
Your life is over, you no longer have a voice.
My voice was taken a long time ago so then I say,
**** my life

Hi, it’s me again,
It’s depression,
I can ruin your life,
Make it terrible,
Mess up everything.
I can change you,
And take everything away.

Hey, it’s me again,
I’m bipolar
Take the medicine,
It will ruin everything,
You can’t laugh, or cry
Be sad, or even be happy.

Hello, it’s us,
We’ve joined together,
We’ve ruined you,
You’re now going insane,
Haha,
You can’t stop us,
Your life’s over.

Does she look happy?
If you answered yes,
You don’t know her.

Does she look happy?
If you answered yes,
You’ve never seen her cry,
Her pillow soaking wet with tears.

Does she look happy?
If you answered yes,
You’ve never seen her wrist,
You’ve never seen her legs,
You’ve never seen the heart,
The one that’s not there.

Does she look happy?
If you answered yes,
You’ve never read the suicide note,
It’s already written,
She just needs time.

Does she look happy?
If you answered no,
Why haven’t you helped her yet,
Why are you still waiting,
Why are you still reading,
Go help her.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that
I’m far from happy,
I can’t handle life,
I almost committed suicide twice,
What if 3rd time’s the charm

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I attract abuse,
Physical, Mental, Emotional
I’m strong though, I can take it.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I can’t trust, I don’t trust,
Especially men,
They’re nothing but hurt.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I hurt myself,
Cutting and Burning,
I wanna make the pain the same.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I’m not that smart,
Yeah in school, That doesn’t count,
But I don’t really know what’s goes on around me,
I can’t handle it.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I hate myself,
The way I look kills me,
I think I’m fat, always have,
Puking and starving, hospitalized.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I’m not happy,
I’m not perfect,
I’m alone.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine,
Going to college,
Valedictorian,
Even finishing would be enough.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine,
My own business,
Someplace to better me,
My community.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine,
A house,
One that’s all mine,
Small yellow house, White picket fence.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine.
A husband, bunch of kids, even some pets
One family,
One happy family.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine.
I’ll take care of my mommy,
The way she always took care of me,
Build her a house, a pool in the yard,
Money in the bank,
She’ll never have to worry.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine.
I’m gonna be successful,
I’m gonna be,
Happy.

I live under a tree,
I call this tree home,
very old, very phased,
long branches, big leaves,
no sunlight let in,
nothing but shade,
it’s not the kind that keeps you cool on a hot day,
it’s the kind that keeps you frozen because it’s already cold,

The tree is slowly dying,
38 years strong,
it’s becoming unhappy, and unneeded,
unloved, and uncared for,

The tree is almost dead,
taking everything under it along,
all it needed was love,
just wanted to feel it,
it kept us protected for so long,
the stronger we try and hold on,
the faster it begins to fall,

The tree is gone now,
I have no place to call home

There once was a girl,
She had nothing,
Until she met the boy,
He gave her everything,
Everything in the world,
They were always talking,
They were in love,
There once was the other girl,
She had everything,
But she wanted more,
She wanted boy,
She didn’t wanna love him,
He was just gonna be her toy,
The once was a girl,
Her boyfriend was her world,
They were in love,
But then the ***** came,
And took him away,
She didn’t love the boy,
He was just another one of her toys,
But he was too dumb to realize,
There once was a boy,
His girlfriend used him as a toy,
He left her all alone,
With nothing but her materials,
She was nothing,
Nothing but a *****
He thought she was the best,
The way she’d ******* when she threw the neck,
But then he realized,
It was time to go,

The once was a boy,
He really wanted his girl back,
Not a ****, or a ***,
Not a girl that everyone would know,
He just wanted her,
But too late now,
The boy lost out,
Because she now has the man that he’ll never be.

This is my renaissance,
My rebirth inna way,
I wanna forgive,
I wanna forgive you for everything,
Everything you’ve done,
Everything you’ve forgotten,
Everything that we don’t wanna remember,
I wanna move on.

This is my renaissance,
My rebirth inna way,
I’ve cut all the skin,
Burned all the pain,
I’ve cried my eyes waterless,
Now I can move on.

This is my renaissance,
My rebirth inna way,
From this point on,
I will remember,
Remember all the good you’ve done,
But I will remember the bad too,
It will make me stronger.

This is my renaissance,
My rebirth inna way,
From this point on,
I will be free,
I will be free to be happy,
Free to be sad,
I will be free to let people closer,
But still keeping them at arms length,
Now, I am stronger.

This is my renaissance,
My rebirth in a way,
I’m moving on,
I’m moving on strong,
Reborn and Happy.

He, Btch, ****, WH*re, Smese, Fat Pig,
All those words
They hurt soo bad
And you don’t realize what you do
When you say that I find
Little pieces of myself gone
Overdosing on diet pills,
Constantly throwing up little bits of me,
Hiding myself from the world,
Letting my pride drop
But then again, you don’t really care
It makes you look “cool” to your “friends”.
Killing everybody else’s spirits and self-Image
But then again, you STILL don’t care
It should be illegal
What you do to everyone else,
Killing them not
With a knife,
Or a gun, or with a rope,
Not your hands, not your feet,
But brutally beating me,
Killing me from the inside out,
With words,
That you don’t even think hurt!
But eventually,
You have no one behind
You laughing and cheering
You on,
Now everyone has
Left you
They know that it’s not fun
They have suffered the cruelty
Of your words
They don’t want to be a part of it anymore,
They want the violence to stop too
Maybe leaving you
To your see what your words can do to
People
Will make you want to stop
Them, and others won’t follow
Anymore
Do you know how much better
It would be without your words?
People are learning
From you
Now, you’re alone
You’re the one that
Is hurt
The one being beat down
With other people’s words
The people that you taught,
If you would have never
Did this in the first place, you would
Still be one, not pieces of
The person you could have been.
Now you’re all alone,
And need me
Because there is no one else
You think it’s
Easy
Just forgive and forget,
We can start over,
Become friends again,
But it doesn’t work because the
Shadow of Words will always remain in
My picture

She gets everything,
No matter what it is,
She gets
Whatever, Whoever,Whenever,
It’s not fair to the people,
The people that actually have to work,
Work toward what they want,
Work toward what they need in life,
Then there’s always,
That one person that comes along,
Not even moving a finger,
But she takes it all,
I wish I could be like her,
But no,
She’s too pretty without
Even trying,
She’s a ***** but,
No one cares,
She has the perfect body,
And eats what she wants,
Tell me,
How do I become her?

All the time wasted, all the time spent,
I don’t think you know how much you really meant,
All of nights just sitting here doing nothing,
The secret confessions, the hugs and the kisses,
The thought of you is all I miss,
I miss the arguments about our strong opinions,
I miss the way you were always unexpected,
But your predictableness is what I really miss,
The way I could finish all of your thoughts, because they were thoughts we shared,
All the long nights we spent on the phone, and the way your voice just sits in my head,
The long summer days, the cold summer nights, 3 years strong,
All ended in 1 night, 1 night of pain, 1 night of sorrow, 1 night of realizing you won’t talk to me tomorrow,
There’s still so much I have on my mind,
Everything I wanted to say to but there was no time,
I know everything I wanted to say, everything I wanted to do, no of that I did so I didn’t hurt you,
So this is my last goodbye, my last *******,
I’m sorry but I’m not, because now I know that all your ******* is done,
And without you, things will be a lot more fun