Hope grasped him in hot arms,
and whispered,
 
 
Either, I’ll fly away in fits of laughter,
 
Or I’ll leave you here,
Bloodied, on the floor.
 
He cried back,
 
it didn’t matter anyhow,
 
The seconds are infinite
Until you do.

Hemingway said
There's nothing to writing
You just sit at a typewriter
and Bleed

I'm sitting
I'm typing
I'm bleeding
                 bleeding
                           bleeding

My blood is full
of numbness
of everything
of nothing
wordless feelings

My heart is pumping
pumping the words
they swim in my veins
and travel all the canals
in my body

They glide from my heart
to my fingers
to my hips
to my toes
to my brain
then rest again in my heart
until they make that journey again

And yet - What can I say?
When the feelings are there
When my heart is full
When my lungs are empty
and no words come out

I just keep sitting
         keep typing
and  keep bleeding.

He was my first
love

He gave me butterflies

When we were together I needed to always
touch him
hold his hand
lay on his chest

He gave me anxiety

When we were apart I needed to always
hear him
know where he was
and who he was with

So many nights spent
laughing
loving
together

so many more spent
crying
alone

I gave him my heart
I gave him my body
I would have given him everything
I did give him everything

He cheated
He lied
and still he loved me
and stupidly,
I still loved him

I walked away
he broke me
finally
I walked away
carrying the pieces of my heart
In my young hands

He got engaged
(to the girl he cheated on me with)

I moved
out of this country and across the world

I patched up my broken heart
It took a long time
and a few one-night stands
there were pieces still missing
and scars where the cracks were glued
but I understood this heart much better
than before when it was whole

Now I'm with my new love

When we are together
We cuddle
We read
We watch movies

When we are apart
We send each other updates
and tell each other
I miss you
I love you

I don't always get butterflies
but I never have anxiety

Almost every night we
laugh
and
love

and when I rarely cry
I'm not alone
and he holds me
and says he's sorry
or I say I'm sorry

He fills the holes that were left behind
and my scars are nearly faded

But sometimes I think back to my first love
my young love
my innocent love

And although my first love
at times felt like
magic
buzzing bees
and hot electricity
running through my veins

my new love feels like
warm cookies
a sweater on a crisp day
sunshine in the cool wind
and home
And I know that this is better.

she lent over the bed rail,
wooden and put together by her husband.

without the book she recited the tale,
word perfect and rehearsed and she quickened

with the story, picking up the pace
to the bit where she placed her engagement ring upon my face,

the nose to be precise, and it smelt
of every perfume kiosk in every shopping hall and mall.

the ***** cat said to the owl, in the sequel to the story-
and for another bedtime completely-

'you're the cherry on the tree, un-pick-able
by hand or bird, stay with me please,
I heard marriage doesn't last forever'

Only Sometimes
•Sometimes I whine 
When after all 
I'm just drunk on alcohol
And In reality I didn't get to lick her 
I didn't get to kiss her 
I thought adding apple pucker 
To my gin 
Will pretend to be her lips 
But it was only a sip 
•Sometimes I whine 
When it's time to unwind 
And I spritz perfume in the air
And through the midst of it all I realized
That the scent didn't come from off of her skin 

Sometimes I pout 
When I remember the way in which she denounced 
Leaving me to be without 
I don't know how to withhold 
When I'm alone 

So sometimes my mouth tremble 
When I have to settle 
I don't want to, but 
I'm trying to get better 

And sometimes I'm a grouch 
Excuse some of the things that blurt out of my mouth 
It's hard being compatible to the last resort 

Sometimes I beg 
"Please come back to put a end to my dread" 
I don't care if when I leave she feels mislead

Sometimes I'm sad
And to cover it up I brag 
Manipulating my hads to haves anyone who know the whole truth 
know that I'm a lie and a half 

Not all the time I have a way to cope 
Sometimes I can't try
Sometimes I just cry