He can touch me
Like I am a statue in his garden
To visit on every idle Tuesday, or holiday
Everything will turn to time

So I will let him feast on me, fearless
Wild, swinging vine to vine
Tearing smaller creatures apart
With just his teeth

We met at my weakest moment
And his highest pride
I am magnificent as a rainstorm
And just the same to ruin the daylight

I promise him nothing
But all of my nothings are cursed
To be sweet, nourishment
I am always so eager to fill his cup

I am only silent when I am too scared of the sound

I lost the only man I ever had
He looks me in the eyes
To say I’ve never had him

I once had a dream of a handsome man
The kind with timeless, tired eyes
Four piece suits
And hair slicked back
Moustache



But now I fall in love with every glance
Every moment, each memory
Repeats into a cascade in my head
I was never as bright
As I was, as I shined
Every single weekend night

All of my attractions are unaffected
By my presence or my fantasies or my rage
I am the devouress
The success in making my smiling face
Less of a menace
More, say, pleasant

And the anxiety won’t eat me up this time
Because I’ll live in sorrow, ignorance
Lay all my letters in a notebook
Where I scream between the lines
I never told the crime
And even though it’s not, it is mine

I don’t think I’m the type of person to be loved
I will always do the loving
Only my tender sighs
Gloss curtains, silk
Brown hair, tattoos
Muscles and uniform
I fall again and again
For everyone and for you
And it never matters
Even when I need it to

I can feel him
Like the ghost of a touch
The breath on a glass
Long forgotten

A temperature cradled in silk
After I’ve left the bed
That only holds
Until the room absorbs it

That’s him
Left in the last swallow of wine
Who you imagine
In the pages of the books you read

I have to commit it to memory
Before it ages out of me
All the easy laughter
Pigtails, lollipops
Begging in my mind
Something will burn me down and consume me

I spoke of faking bruises
And pretending what was done to me
Tony said to draw in
A hand at my throat and Jacob laughed
Coffee stuck - A choke
And I don’t know
Was I the joke?
A message to shut up -
Or an image he’s thought of but not spoke

Tony asked me, who do I like?
Clarification - only who I work with
And I don’t elaborate on how’s or why’s
Caffeine and sugar sweeten my reply -
No one, just I
Just I
And I’m sure neither were surprised
I am both a pretty picture
And a nightmare -
Sigh