I am absolutely petrified
afraid of little and big alike
living like someone half-alive
not radioactive, but acting spite
If I could exist another way
be born into night, as I was into day
it would be much easier to hide

Why exist at all when not really alive?

Ponder upon the hatred of all
Why exist for something that is nothing at all?
These people, these peasants ask for it
these stupid, whining, petulances
talking to me as if I care
With so-called clever small talk, unnatural air
gasping and panting for one more breath
that they'll get and ask for again

A cycle, a cycle of loving demands
that will end with me, by my hands
Why exist for nothing at all?
It serves to remind
It is alright if you've already died

A night of sorrow
A tune of death
Rejection burns deep
I find a hole in my heart

Until im worthy of your love
Nothing left to say
I prepare for departure
Thougths begin to cluster
What have i done to you...
What did i do to me?

The dead cloud
Calmly leads the sail
The night cries for you

Now alone
Looking at pictures of us
My cascade of tears fall upon uncaring eyes
Shadows surround me
Crying out my name
Bleeding,
I am fallen.

A sliding current
lukewarm stirrings
taking me with it
Downstream, I float
taking myself away
from me

And campfire
smoking away day
into dusk
Staring into me
as I, it
separates me

Damp dirt tastes
in my stew
The fire, barely tended
life from leaves
Quick to burn
as easy to end

Acting in pageant
Passive elective
Done no wrong
No lies
No singing of songs
Life, today
Leaves
Lackluster
Musted-over
Lingered over
Every thought
Each want
Undone
As time unwinds
To each his own
Each leaf a throne
Avoidance every
What now
Can I do
Will I go
Through
With
The
End
I
Desire
Of myself

A glimpse in
Where matters are settled
Where emptiness as devil
Etches patterns
On my stone walls
A cave where light seldom reaches
A palate of distrust, hatred, blood
Inside it shines
In light of the seed
Of hope I cling desperately to
I bask in its heats release
Shy away from the dark
Though it permeates
Waiting for falter
I am drug under
The gasps and slights in breath
A shaky end, whitened blend of
The peace and serenity within
They end
Blackened attraction for finality
The action to silence
And extinguish all I see
All I am, me
When I glimpse in

I have deleted

I am meant to feel
positive
I am insignificant
I want talent
and I strive to achieve
that which will never be in my grasp
So I undertake these challenges
These tests of my capabilities
and when the going,
as it is said,
gets tough - I quit
I do not have the time
nor the imagination
nor the qualities
nor
no
nothing
and this poem
full of pity-filled
hatred
is going on longer
than I have meant it to