Where will you
refuse
today?

will I find
it in your eyes?
pupils widened against
actual rejection,
wildly seeking some small
life control

in the clench of your hands
gripping your seat as your
sneakers kick out

or will I distill it in the
frantic voice-
I'll smash you with
my will if
my fists don't find
you first

in your body
I see you carrying all
the weapons you can't
toss.  an arsenal of hope
I wish life hadn't forged
but I'm not the one
that made it so.

So you take that feeble
power and just keep saying
No.

How are you?
[no I'm not. I'm not. Everything is falling apart] Great!

Hi!
[I need to hide. hide before my seams split open] What's new?

How was your day?
[frustrating. brick walls. ice daggers. you name it. I need a tall building] Not too bad, yours?

How are you feeling?
[shattered. please don't...I can't] Sleepy, a little.


[bursting out. spilling. tidal wave of complete wrongness. ribs rattling around uncontrollable feelings. rage. throat tight. calves twinging. head spinning] Smile!

Could you-
do you?
really desire this knowledge?

Unwanted, unwarranted, personally, so I won't regift.
I'm not sure your ears  really want the weight of
it, anyway.

stay up with
me until
tonight is tomorrow
moon fading into a
sliver of
ice

opals on your
cheeks and cold
stars warm
from my hands

lie out under
the sky
keeping our
dreams safe in
whispers

the grass is
ours
and our outlines
can last forever if

we let them.

'be safe'
is a talisman we
carry with us when
we lack control

we 'touch wood' to
prevent the fall
of our skies.

look down, lest we
break our mother's backs

and pray
"Please God, don't let us
trip into
the
cracks"

we "don't worry" as
if it does

halt the thoughts

just like swearing on
the cross

pain lacing my
back is
normal these
days

pressure at
the edge of my
throat- an
old
friend

I am
strong I
am strength

a mantra
that's losing juice
like a
battery in

the attic late
july.

if eyes are my
windows,
I need new
shades.

all I wanted was
your love.
now all I have

is your love

well played,
Fate.

I don't even know who
to pray to anymore

It almost seems like an
insult to ask You,

when you're watching us
burn our world to
bits.

So.
Universe, I guess you are
holding the cards now...

There are so many volcanoes,
all burning Rome.

I suspect even without my feeble
wish,

You have burdens enough.