for all the years I wasted living in fear
I try to find the courage in those I hold dear
So I no longer waste anymore years

I cry! Oh cry on arms so warm
on limbs that pull me up but also
push me down
I cry! Oh cry on eyes so blind
on ears so deaf
on lips so mute
to me
to me

tomorrow a flower grows
in fields of sorrow, like an anchor that goes
where the wind blows

Wander wander lost
without a place to go
always searching,
never finding
what you are looking for

at midnight
a blanket
full of stars
cover sky
while the sun
takes a break

I try to stretch my thoughts
like mozzarella in a grill
but all I end up with
is with a burnt cheese

I dreamt of you in white
Wearing a dress like the sun
bright
Distilling sunshine rays
Throughout the day
But at night

I dreamt of you
Like I always done
But I forgot about your face
I forgot about our conversations
And I meant to remember them

But I just can't

The dreams in which you are
Are memories I lived before
And some days it feel
As if my present days are memories
Like Dejavu
That I have lived before

I smiled and awake
Shaking my head
No

No

This is the only life I have

I have not lived before

I wish to sleep
In the petals of a rose
And never again open this eyes of mine,
I wish to smell the fragrance
and sleep, forever,
forever more

But everytime
I close this eyes of mine
I awake somewhere
And I do not know where i am at,

Though it isn't a rose
Where I sleep
Nor the petals that I feel,
It just my bed,
The bed sheets,
And me,
awake again

Trying to find some rest

In my dreams

Oh COVID,
You made me mask my shyness
And forced me to raise my voice
Now every so often I have a sore throat

This makes me feel like you have made
a home out in my body

It’s seems that that’s effect you have on people
You are so contagious, that even those
who do not have you, think
That they may have you as an unwanted guest
Wrecking havoc in their lungs,

Throat

*cough

At the end of the days,
that’s all my poems will be

Clever

cleverly creative

And I,

I can’t help but feel

discourage

The verses of eloquence
Are ladies well taught
They wear elegance
But simplicity is their gown

Two cents in pockets,
a cell, some cigarettes,
I was walking my way.

It was two a.m. in my dreams.
The boulevards where covered by dusk
and dust,
plus a scent of lust
perfumed
my skin

I kept walking,
head held high towards the moon,
Stepping the streets to the rhythm
of a peculiar tune,
Well known,
It was a Christmas carol,
the jingles and Bells,

"Where is santa Clause?"

Arrived soon at home.
To awake,

When the storms cease to be
When the rain comes to greet the ground
by halting without a warning from the sun
When the wind becomes a breeze
and not a tornado in flames
You’ll come to meet us lord

I threw letters at a sheet of paper
as if they were darts
aiming towards the center of the readers heart
But I never had a good aim

All the letters targeted my heart.

To be your blanket and your bed of dreams,
To be your pillow, the one you could embrace,
it's not what I wish to be
But to be the lover in your life:
The one you could embrace,
The one that could embrace you as well,
That's what I wish to be
Yet to be a lover in your life:
I first need to approach you in the streets,
Or wherever the place that you may be at

Worry less by
Thinking less about the things you must do
Just do them, then think more
about things that help you understand
what matters in life
and what not

The only thing I know is that
we, all, are broken
even before the moment we are born

And as we grow, it's as if,
with every passing day,
the pieces that will put us back together,
gathered up slowly,
awaiting for the moment
when we finally complete the picture
of who exactly is this Me

I was a flower planted on the ground.
Some days, the wind came to greet me,
Until I looked like a merry go round.
My petals started to fall one by one,
just detaching from me onto the grass.

         Mean while, underneath the ground,
         my roots gripped tighter to the soil
         as if they were looking for oil
         Like men do when in search for petroleum
         They dug deep, deeper down

This flower remained tall

Stress stretches me
as if I were a rubber band
the more it does
the more resistance I exert
but lately
the resistance is lesser
it feels like it has reach a point
where at any moment
it might just snap

I breathe in. I breathe out.
I don't seem to understand life.
I'm sleepier than ever.
I crave a place to rest.
But I'm young. Younger than most.
Yet I feel old. Tired.
Rusty of living. But I'm happy.
I'm content with what I have.
I have Nothing yet everything I need.

Though sometimes I crave more
of what I don't need,
For instance, more sleep.
But I had enough, I should awake
And live my life

For out there, there is a place to enjoy.
And I have everything I need,
Yet nothing to lose.

What am I waiting for?

if the sun ceases to warm me up
and the AC functions no more
Some tequila shots will do the work
at least till it heats up my soul

Me
And words
Don't get along

We are like cats and dogs
Or rather like water and oil
Mixing up
A lot of times
Not very well

A star came to be me
shooting screams
granting your wishes,
Darling.

Aren't you happy that I finally feel?

Often I was numb
drifting somewhere
other than in me

My thoughts used to be yours

That's all I could think about

You
You
You

I became numb to my feelings
I wasn't me
I was you in me
searching for me
In you
because I lost me
I lost me in you

But on the other end,
I lost you, not in me, but in you.
you were meant to lose yourself in me
And me in you
Thus we, both, would still be
You and me
but me in you, and you in me,
but both still being us:
interchanged, intertwined,
us becoming the other
Until we found ourselves
lost in each other


But I lost me in you
And turned numb
Till I became a star
shooting screams
Granting your wishes
darling

Awaking
To find my way out
Out of this lost relation.

Poetry

I’m sorry
(I haven’t been completely honest with you)
My heart beats with ache despite my constant attempts at looking at situations with optimism. Don’t get me wrong, I do not struggle nor pretend to be optimistic. It comes natural to someone who always sees the negative in every aspect of life yet refuses to be surrounded by an abyss of negativity. Thinking negative at least for me usually reduces heartache. There’s less expecting and more accepting. Especially, there’s more happiness if nothing went the way it was ... well, expected. I mean, sure thinking negative gives some kind of expectative but also a positive surprised if what was expected didn’t come true.
Anyways, poetry
Lately, I have been enjoying looking at An empty page. There’s much I would like to write, I can feel it in me but there’s much that I do not want to know. I’m in denial. I refuse to find out what my feelings are. And it’s because of that that I feel like I’m cheating you. And it hurts.

Everyday, every night,
when the sun or the moon is out
I think about you, mom and dad

Whether the weather surprises us
with a cool and refreshing breeze,
with hail or tornados
With hurricanes or God knows what
I think about you, mom and dad

Whether I’m healthy or sick
whether I’m awake or asleep
I think about you
I think about you all the time

And what do you know,
Look at here.
You see that book.
Grab it.
Read it.

It's covers are old. Dusty. Almost broken.
It's pages are yellow, almost ashen,
But it's letters are readable.

Just grab it.
Read it.

These type of books are the substance
For your mind.
If you feel hungry for knowledge,
Search for one,
Just like this one, here, have it.

Read it as if you were eating
Your favorite food.
Slowly, chewing and chewing,
Bit by bit, as if not wanting
Your food to ever finish.

Remember,

These sort of books with substance,
are what your mind needs.

Grab it.
Read it.

Love me sweetly
be like bees
And make out of me
honey, please!

Will my Will ever be
my spirit taking a hold of me?

Yes, indeed
that's what it is

a captain taking hold of his ship.

I choose my choices based on my choices
Not on the choices you choose for me to choose

But if you thought that I chose based on yours choices,
I'm sorry,
it's not my fault that some of your choices
somehow ended up being the same as my own.

And so my will,
It's the captain and I'm the ship

It guides me out of turbulent seas
It leads me towards peaceful seas

Or with me it sinks.

a dog barks
woo woo woof!
to women

Oh heavens high, where are you now?
I searched for you within the clouds
I found some gates but of airlines
that only took me for a flight
then came to land me on some ground


Oh heavens high, where are you now?

May be...
Someday... I'll be

something
or nothing
or a thing

I might pretend that I exist
and that I live in the present
never seeing the future
Not looking back at what it use to be

May be...
Someday... I'll

stay still

Come bathe with me in rivers of sunshine
And let us fly in oceans of clouds

Till we fall

In

Love

Our love were weeds just growing strong with time
In fields that people often dare not walked.
Therefore, we lasted long, our love survived.
In fields that people then began to watch.

Our love then grew with winds that changed our life
As squalls began to break our stems in halves
Therefore, we lasted short, our love then died
when roots became uprooted off the ground
In fields that people then begin to walk.

a green leaf
houses dews
like rivers

under bed
a pillow
hides some tears

The ache the ache is back again
to help me write
to help me rest
Some say I’m cursed
Some say I’m blessed

I think I’m both
I think of course

Whether this feeling I feel
is mine to keep
is not something I feel
that should deprive me of my sleep

Often, those feelings come
like a flame burning my chest
and I guess,
I feel like remnants of a mess
left after a fire has devoured
what was once

a me

but now

with the opportunity to start
Afresh.

a monkey
mocks people
with his tail

I may stationed in my dreams,
seeing the past pass by,
And reality collide into memories
that I have yet to live

That's what it seems

the sky is open. You can see clouds being dragged by winds atop mountains.

You can see them resisting. Exerting force. getting darker. louder. Crashing against one another.

Thundering.

You can see those winds turning into tornadoes. oscillating. spiraling. Pressuring clouds to stay together.

Lighting.

You can see the clouds getting madder. Expanding. Resisting the oppression.

the sky closes.

When the moon arrives and sets above my head
I feel a lightbulb turns on bright with light ideas
Then they begin to expand like stars that spread
All over the universe To illuminate
a path that leads towards a verse
that I will read then write
before going to bed

Can I tell you something?

I search for the sun rise in these waves of life
in this still waters that sometimes
become turbulent with the winds

I search for some oxygen
some life to breathe in me

I search for an island; a place to land
and find some peace

I've been floating and swimming, and often diving deep deep down
in oceans and oceans
that drown the me in them

I come to the surface
but it's always the same
So I search for the sun rise

To admire it
and just lose myself
in its glowing
rays

flowers in a crown
people gathered round a plaza
a lady stands out

I'm hunched over pain
trying to straighten my spine

but on the desk, I got
too many problems to solve
and a brain that has lost
all of its spark

I was once on top of my marks
...
Don't know, how I lost my marker.

May be Alzheimer's
is horse riding my back,
pushing me
Closer to death'a
finishing line?

My sleep abandoned me
when being Awake greeted me tightly
into the needs of my babies

Now my sleep wanders alone
like a hungry dog searching for food

So at nights I chase my sleep
with whatever I can find in the fridge
but my sleep runs away
as soon as my babies awake

Dark night
where the moon often hides amidst the clouds
and the stars are distant so far away from our sight
Tell me, how do you feel tonight?

how do you feel by knowing many fear to walk
the streets when you are the only company they got?



Dark night
this is something you must know,
When I see you, I grab a flashlight or some lamp
I’m not scared of you per se
I’m afraid I would tumble down the road with the first rock that gets in my way

Dark night
With your presence, you blind me so
I become so blind that I need to rely in the senses that I usually don’t

if I were a boat
sailing alone in the ocean blue
I might sink
right under the bright moon
but if I were that boat
sailing a castaway into safe landing
I would float
regardless of how broken
I may be