The ache the ache is back again
to help me write
to help me rest
Some say I’m cursed
Some say I’m blessed

I think I’m both
I think of course

I try to stretch my thoughts
like mozzarella in a grill
but all I end up with
is with a burnt cheese

Worry less by
Thinking less about the things you must do
Just do them, then think more
about things that help you understand
what matters in life
and what not

Come bathe with me in rivers of sunshine
And let us fly in oceans of clouds

Till we fall

In

Love

Having faith does not mean to not question or to not have doubt

Having faith is questioning and doubting but still remain certain that despite the odds everything will turn alright

Having faith is like having a pillar by your side in which you can recline to watch how things will turn out after you have done whatever best you could.

Having faith is trusting God will help you but also trusting in your own self to help yourself for God said "help yourself that I will help you."

Love, love, love.
You see...
It's a bird flying and flying,
landing then flying
just flying then landing
this bird of love.
It spreads its wings,
It soars.
It flies.
This bird of love.

It's free to come and go,
And goes and comes,
But it never leaves
the skies it soars.

Oh This bird of love,
it soars and soars,
And lands, and flies,
in the skies and grounds,
of this earth
that is my home.

Oh yes, this bird of love
It loves this earth
That is my home.
With no condition
It flies and soars,
Whether warm or cold,
Regardless of the weather
This bird of love
Just loves
This earth
That is my home.

I'm a plant, aren't I God?
I always seem to extend my faith
towards the light

As if my faith were branches,
trying to reach you
wherever you are,

It's just growing and growing,
Becoming greener and greener,
But too green
to fully understand
that the drier One gets, the easier
One burns with the fire of hell

The waters of the seas I wandered in,
seemed calm, the shores sounded peaceful,
I yearned to walk in their sands.

But I floated between waves that lulled me into sleep,
And I floated between waves that moved me into tears,

But now, I know I have deviated from my path
I must searched for a northern star
I need to be guided
onto the right path

And for that,
I mustn't walk on the sands of the shores I once yearned to walk.

All I know is that when depression slaps me,
It slaps me hard.
Yet I just turn the other cheek around,
Until it slaps me one more time,
Then I slap it back,
Twice as hard, just to knock it out.
To Leave it unconscious for a while.

I choose my choices based on my choices
Not on the choices you choose for me to choose

But if you thought that I chose based on yours choices,
I'm sorry,
it's not my fault that some of your choices
somehow ended up being the same as my own.

Ah to hell with this,
Some loves are born dead
They are meant to not live

Though they would still make you bleed
To experience pain
Through a c section
That'll scarred you forever

And it'll hurt twice as ever

Because you'll never experience the joy
of seeing Love grow

L.L.

The only thing I know is that
we, all, are broken
even before the moment we are born

And as we grow, it's as if,
with every passing day,
the pieces that will put us back together,
gathered up slowly,
awaiting for the moment
when we finally complete the picture
of who exactly is this Me

a woman at church
with rosary in hands lights the room
like votive candles

Whether this feeling I feel
is mine to keep
is not something I feel
that should deprive me of my sleep

Often, those feelings come
like a flame burning my chest
and I guess,
I feel like remnants of a mess
left after a fire has devoured
what was once

a me

but now

with the opportunity to start
Afresh.

Can I tell you something?

I dislike planning.

Whenever I plan, things don't go accordingly.
Plus, with the whole concept of planning,
I immediately force myself to expect
an outcome. And as many of you know,
expectations, if don't met, can hurt.
Does this phrase sound familiar:

"Never expect anything in return".

But why are we so afraid of getting hurt?

As far as me goes, I am not afraid of getting hurt and experiencing
disappointment because disappointment (if handled correctly, with a positive view) can help an individual grow.
It can make a human become down-to-earth because it constantly remind us that all of us are humans and thus are perfectly imperfect.

Then why is it that I dislike planning?

Dear God,

Through my guardian angel
Send to me the knowledge
Send to me the cure
That I may hear within its whispers
How to achieve peace

Dark night
where the moon often hides amidst the clouds
and the stars are distant so far away from our sight
Tell me, how do you feel tonight?

how do you feel by knowing many fear to walk
the streets when you are the only company they got?



Dark night
this is something you must know,
When I see you, I grab a flashlight or some lamp
I’m not scared of you per se
I’m afraid I would tumble down the road with the first rock that gets in my way

Dark night
With your presence, you blind me so
I become so blind that I need to rely in the senses that I usually don’t

Day
You come along without pretending
Sometimes you are moody
Stormy, windy, sunny
Other times, you are cold

But you don't pretend
You are who you are
Regardless, people like you or not
But most of the time
They accept you the way you are
And in some occasions
They even try to acclimatize their lives
according to your moods

tomorrow a flower grows
in fields of sorrow, like an anchor that goes
where the wind blows

Do I feel what I write or do I write what I feel? I know that I write what I feel, but somewhere in between the lines, I feel what write, I just feel it to the point that I write what I feel.

the sun once told me
how the ocean evaporated for him
how the birds flew right under him
how he energized the flowers and trees
how pretty much the world revolved around him
but how he wished
to feel at least a quarter of the warmth he so constantly gives

the number of infected people keep on rising
like waves trying to drown us
with anxiety

no one truly knows where these waves are coming from

One moment people bump into each other,
splash! the wave comes. People tumble down
with fever, coughing, grasping for air
trying to come to the surface of those
who are still surfing these oceans with health

suddenly the waves from all over the world come together
a tsunami is formed

many are dead

what hides in this chest?
a pleasure I treasure?
or a pain without measure?

I threw letters at a sheet of paper
as if they were darts
aiming towards the center of the readers heart
But I never had a good aim

All the letters targeted my heart.

a dog barks
woo woo woof!
to women

Somewhere in white pages, I lost you.
I call it your letters - boxes in the attic:
unread, unwritten.
Empty envelopes with a recipient,
And a sender, but with no content,
with no story, with no reminder
of us ever being together.

If in order to create, one must destroy,
Then what did God destroyed,
In order to create us?

I know. I feel it.
I am no pristine water but
neither I am a muddy one
my waters are clear enough to see through
and safe enough to drink from
Yet for reasons unbeknownst to me
you try so hard to be the rocks that swim in me
despite the fact that my waters
keep on carrying you to the shores
away and away from me

don’t you seee?
as a rock
you keep on stirring waves in me
and these waves keep on pushing you
further and further away

Do you find the light too bright?
Even though, it's midnight?
Can you see how brigh it shines?
Up above in the starry sky?

I have seen the road to Mars
As I sat upon a car
I could see how far away
those stars led the way

There are planets like some trees
that grow, and grow, so green!
And that make the universe
look youthful and serene.

There are other planets too
that become like a bomb
that tick and tock
like time often does

As if time was
trapped inside a clock
- just tick and tock --
Hammering with rhythm
Non-stop.
To break the lock
To free Himself,
with no apparent luck.

But every tick
And every tock
It can be heard by People
Who stick
their ears
to the clock
Just following the rhythm
Not knowing how free
Their time
Without making it explode!

Your lips have been stitched up,
your words have been mummified,
Here you await,
in this tomb, putrifying no more,
But getting old and lost.
Almost turning to dust.

My lord, my God,
You are my world.
In you, I live.
In you, I am alive.

Without you, I'll be
not even dust.
I'll be nothing for sure,
yes, not even a ghost.

Sometimes you wonder
what it feels like to kiss

And you want to kiss the world goodbye
And you want to kiss everyone good bye
But you know deep down
That that's not what you want
You know deep down that a kiss is sacred
And that your lips are only meant to kiss

Not death

But life

I want him to know what I know,
This feeling in me, that only me knows,
If then, I could feel free,
I could forget that the world exists,
And just let go...

But only I know, and I know,
That I should not tell him so,
I know that this feeling in me,
I should just let it go...

One thought can be good
While the other can be bad
And then, those thoughts fight,
Until one of them wins the battle...

But which thought might win
Which thought is it the good one?
Which thought is it the bad one?
How exactly are we to know?

I know both thoughts are fighting,
And not always the good one wins
it's until we see the end effects
That we can know which one was which one.

But is there a way, to actually identify which one is good?
And which one is bad?
How exactly are we to know?

I can think the bad one is good
And similarly,
I can think the good one is bad,
But is it that We have no way of telling one from which?

I know there must be a way,
But the way, I do not know,

I know that having proofs doesn't always
tell if someone is good
Or someone is bad
Because proofs can be made up

But how exactly should I know which one is which?
Though my instinct, or my intuition,
Or my intellect, or through them all?
I'm unsure...

I want to sip and sip from the wine of knowledge
And be drunk without worries
But I rather just want to sip and sip from the water of wisdom
And remain sober,
Until I become purify
Until I satiate my thirst to understand life
Until I feel hydrated with joy
Until I feel alive

If by chance my lord you hear me,
Please, help me think clearly,
Help my heart feel ease
Help my mind feel at peace
Help my soul connect with both
yes, with my heart and mind, with both

And if by chance dear god you hear me,
Help me be at peace,
Clear my thoughts from unwanted thoughts
Yes, my lord purify my body and soul.

To be your arms, and feel your warm.
To be your body, and feel you whole,
I may want, I may want, or I may not

for if I'm your arms, then I would feel how you feel
when you touch her and not me
For if I'm your body, then I would feel how you feel,
but not, how you feel about me.

For then I would be you and I won't be me.
For then you nor I would exists.

I could become a pen and lay in a desk forever,
I could wait hidden in a drawer and wait there forever,
but what's the use of being a pen?

Sometimes I wonder...

Is it fair to remain in one place until the ink dries,
until there's nothing else in me
that could leave a mark anywhere in the world?

Is it fair to be in one place until someone comes looking for me,
Until with me
that someone could leave a mark anywhere in the world?

Though at times I ponder...

Why can't I just be the person who holds the pen?

And then I think,
I will suffice with just being like a pen.

Love me sweetly
be like bees
And make out of me
honey, please!

It's just a tear in my eyes,
That breaks my heart, and makes me sad

It's just this tear,
A tiny drop that falls like waterfalls,
Calm,
And then it gains currents,
Fast,
But it relaxes me as if were a lullaby.

I just want to cry,
And feel the stream moisten my skin,
I want to feel the salt in my lips,
As if I were in a beach, away from all of this.

I see me not, I see me not.
I have no mirror to reflect me on.
But in a river, I see me yes
And my reflection,
it's like the current

Still

Streaming

Still

Going on...

Dec 2, 2014

I long for the day, education would be free
Where studying is not an obligation
But a passion to know about our world
Where hunger is a forgotten word
amid our stomachs
But not amid our souls

I long of the day, when starvation would
**** no one but the spirits of evil doers
To be reborn
Into a world
Where those who work work:
As a means of filling up their spiritual void,
of giving their time to our world,
of Passing up time for the sake of protecting those
who would decide to live a normal life,

But also
As a means of getting closer to God.

You know when you do the right thing
And the thing turns to be wrong
But then it would have been wrong
If you had not done the right thing, anyways!

Well, I really don't know what went wrong.

Flower me in a *** of love
and let me rise like a rose
with sunshine rays
enlightening my days
till night time comes

The clear sky
clouds the mind
with daydreams

To write, write, write...
That's all my soul was born to do,
As if my soul was the pen
That I, myself, hold with my hand.

I have no written my thoughts
I used to carry with myself a phone
And though, I still carry with myself a phone
I have not written my thoughts

I became busily scared
to type then share
what goes on in my head.

I used to type what came through me
With no worries, with no stress,
I only typed as my mind became blank
Then images popped and form Just like that
They appeared before my eyes
Then my heart became a brain
And the brain became my heart
My fingers suddenly listen to my soul
And I found myself typing words,
The connection of soul, heart, and mind
Something I cannot explain
But I was typing what I felt
When my mind became blank
As my heart became my brain
And as my brain became the heart
That pumped the words
to be written by my fingers
Onto my phone

And that's just what I used to write
And I became busily scared

Walking upon these sidewalks,
Surrounded by pines and by a road
where cars pass by,
I wonder if you were here,
Would you walk upon these sidewalks,
Or would you drive that road
where cars pass by...
As if there was no time for a walk?

Would you be THE one
My star, so bright, so far
Up high, above the sky,
Just shining through the dark
For me to see at night?

Would you be the one,
The guide I yearned to have
The one that lights the path
towards Jesus Christ?

Jan 2016.