bleeding emotions isn’t my fort

but sometimes these wounds of mine

open deep into the bone.

there’s a splinter stuck in my heart

I can’t pull it out no matter what

I say, God, oh God, help me heal

All I hear is “healing happens from within.”

Yet here i am suturing scars

While wounds remain untouched, left alone

As you see, bleeding emotions isn’t my fort

hence the why,

these wounds of mine have yet to **** me

you see

Stress stretches me
as if I were a rubber band
the more it does
the more resistance I exert
but lately
the resistance is lesser
it feels like it has reach a point
where at any moment
it might just snap

a fish, a dish so delish I relish to eat
with chips with chips
so salty so rich

So now, a fish I wish to fish
To eat demolish in bliss

in fields of roses sweet, I swirl
the petals soft, caress me so
yet often times, i bleed

i bleed.

the thorns are thick, my skin is thin

i faint.

the sun awakes me nonetheless
the rain hydrates me, I could care less
these clouds opaque my view, it seems

in fields of roses sweet, i swirl

i bleed.

I was once silence
echoing
loud in your mind


Now I’m just
silence

Sshhh

Good night

At the end of the days,
that’s all my poems will be

Clever

cleverly creative

And I,

I can’t help but feel

discourage

Oh COVID,
You made me mask my shyness
And forced me to raise my voice
Now every so often I have a sore throat

This makes me feel like you have made
a home out in my body

It’s seems that that’s effect you have on people
You are so contagious, that even those
who do not have you, think
That they may have you as an unwanted guest
Wrecking havoc in their lungs,

Throat

*cough

I’m tired of empathizing
It only gets you hurt

Empathizing turns you into a balance
where you carry everyone’s weight
including your own

So if you are not strong
everyone’s weight pulls you
down

six feet under

if you are not careful enough

You do not love me
I know you do not
For love is a fire that does not burn

Here I am cold
freezing in agony
freezing
and getting burnt

I’m just charcoal
completely gone

I cry! Oh cry on arms so warm
on limbs that pull me up but also
push me down
I cry! Oh cry on eyes so blind
on ears so deaf
on lips so mute
to me
to me

standing near a precipice
too wide, too deep, near a void
with darkness unseen
i grab a rock.
i walk. i hear a crack.
i talk.
i stare down below

no long ago, i climbed my way up
with ****** hands, with injured knees
i made my way
to where blue skies and green trees
are seen

now, standing near this precipice
staring down below
i hear the darkness calling my soul
i feel my skin rejecting the sun
the greens does not appeal to me anymore
colors are dull

i want to let go
i want to experience a free fall
i want to embrace the darkness
in a way, i never have before

So while standing near this precipice
while staring down below
i hear a crack. i hear a clock ticking.
tick tock. i walk. I talk.
I toss the rock.

written in the sky
is my name a star
blinking from afar

what hides in this chest?
a pleasure I treasure?
or a pain without measure?

Dark night
where the moon often hides amidst the clouds
and the stars are distant so far away from our sight
Tell me, how do you feel tonight?

how do you feel by knowing many fear to walk
the streets when you are the only company they got?



Dark night
this is something you must know,
When I see you, I grab a flashlight or some lamp
I’m not scared of you per se
I’m afraid I would tumble down the road with the first rock that gets in my way

Dark night
With your presence, you blind me so
I become so blind that I need to rely in the senses that I usually don’t

Within the truth lies a truth so truthful
that lies cannot lie about

Poetry

I’m sorry
(I haven’t been completely honest with you)
My heart beats with ache despite my constant attempts at looking at situations with optimism. Don’t get me wrong, I do not struggle nor pretend to be optimistic. It comes natural to someone who always sees the negative in every aspect of life yet refuses to be surrounded by an abyss of negativity. Thinking negative at least for me usually reduces heartache. There’s less expecting and more accepting. Especially, there’s more happiness if nothing went the way it was ... well, expected. I mean, sure thinking negative gives some kind of expectative but also a positive surprised if what was expected didn’t come true.
Anyways, poetry
Lately, I have been enjoying looking at An empty page. There’s much I would like to write, I can feel it in me but there’s much that I do not want to know. I’m in denial. I refuse to find out what my feelings are. And it’s because of that that I feel like I’m cheating you. And it hurts.

Someone once asked, why do you write?
I replied, “because I need to let it out”
but came one day, when I needed to write
yet no words were coming out due to lack of time
So I asked myself once more, why do I write?
I replied, “because I want to”
but came one day when I wanted to write
yet all the words seem forced
so I asked again, why do i write?
This time, I thought about it deeply
then replied
“i write because i can
and i can because i want to
and i want to because i need to
and i need to ... make the time to write”

Just like that, within a breeze,
the winds that swayed my thoughts for you,
stopped blowing
and my thoughts finally ceased to sway
for you for the first time

I’m soft
almost like jelly
too soft
with a giggly like spirit
so every time
anyone harms me
I forget it, it just goes through,
or sometimes
it just bounces off to them

I know. I feel it.
I am no pristine water but
neither I am a muddy one
my waters are clear enough to see through
and safe enough to drink from
Yet for reasons unbeknownst to me
you try so hard to be the rocks that swim in me
despite the fact that my waters
keep on carrying you to the shores
away and away from me

don’t you seee?
as a rock
you keep on stirring waves in me
and these waves keep on pushing you
further and further away

The ache the ache is back again
to help me write
to help me rest
Some say I’m cursed
Some say I’m blessed

I think I’m both
I think of course

She was herself like some kind of bookshelf
which held hundreds books that no one read
One of those books
had pictures of seas with mountains of trees
that no one dare see
and in those trees were roses of bones
dripping cold blood into her veins

at midnight
a blanket
full of stars
cover sky
while the sun
takes a break

teeth clenched tightly into skin
blood dripping from within
a dog fastened onto arm
a bike rode directly into harm

people watching from afar
a lady being eaten, left with scars
sirens getting louder on the road
cops arriving to the abode

children screaming really loud
paramedics going through the crowd
flesh torn to pieces, left a pool of red
disfigure face, bitten in the head

What a horror! What a mess!
a dog, a lady in distress.

It pours! It pours!
into this little lagoon
just look at the waves
to tides being born
just look at the turbulence
under the light of the moon

this little lagoon
is a sea of hurt
with nothing to lose

the sun once told me
how the ocean evaporated for him
how the birds flew right under him
how he energized the flowers and trees
how pretty much the world revolved around him
but how he wished
to feel at least a quarter of the warmth he so constantly gives

if I were a boat
sailing alone in the ocean blue
I might sink
right under the bright moon
but if I were that boat
sailing a castaway into safe landing
I would float
regardless of how broken
I may be

if the sun ceases to warm me up
and the AC functions no more
Some tequila shots will do the work
at least till it heats up my soul

somewhere
there is a voice dictating what I should write
One that is loud when emotions
wrestle in my chest
but turns soft or almost non-existent
when I feel null

Everyday, every night,
when the sun or the moon is out
I think about you, mom and dad

Whether the weather surprises us
with a cool and refreshing breeze,
with hail or tornados
With hurricanes or God knows what
I think about you, mom and dad

Whether I’m healthy or sick
whether I’m awake or asleep
I think about you
I think about you all the time

Stop! Don’t give any step forward.

I’m like a loaded gun tossed on the ground
ready for someone to pull the trigger

Proceed with caution.

the number of infected people keep on rising
like waves trying to drown us
with anxiety

no one truly knows where these waves are coming from

One moment people bump into each other,
splash! the wave comes. People tumble down
with fever, coughing, grasping for air
trying to come to the surface of those
who are still surfing these oceans with health

suddenly the waves from all over the world come together
a tsunami is formed

many are dead

tomorrow a flower grows
in fields of sorrow, like an anchor that goes
where the wind blows

When the storms cease to be
When the rain comes to greet the ground
by halting without a warning from the sun
When the wind becomes a breeze
and not a tornado in flames
You’ll come to meet us lord

My sleep abandoned me
when being Awake greeted me tightly
into the needs of my babies

Now my sleep wanders alone
like a hungry dog searching for food

So at nights I chase my sleep
with whatever I can find in the fridge
but my sleep runs away
as soon as my babies awake

roses, roses I would like
to place some on the table
to have some by my side
so I can feel you near
Oh near to my heart!

like roses, roses white
oh so lovely, so lovely as they are
to remind me of your fragrance
to remind me of your smile

Whenever I’m hot
the ceiling fan gets turn on
Till I’m blown away

for all the years I wasted living in fear
I try to find the courage in those I hold dear
So I no longer waste anymore years

Wander wander lost
without a place to go
always searching,
never finding
what you are looking for

Don’t try to change me. I’m not play dough.
You cannot mold me nor shape me to your likes.
I am what I am, period.
That’s that.

I’m like a grocery’s cart being pushed
around a store

I’m being packed
with things I have no used for
to then be left empty
somewhere in a parking lot

I carry everything that I can possibly can
sometimes none
sometimes more

I’m a basket with holes
that people can easily see through
and I just realized it today

I wanna run into the arms of the Present
and tick tock my way out out of my worries
like a ballerina happily tip toeing, pirouetting
her way throughout a dance floor

I wanna be held tightly but gently and passionately
by the hands of my Present, but most of all,
I want this Present
to let each second escort me safely to my destiny

Who am I but some matter
that matters not in the entire universe
but who ultimately matters
to those that matter to this matter anyway

I try to stretch my thoughts
like mozzarella in a grill
but all I end up with
is with a burnt cheese

Something is Off and it’s not the light.
The room is illuminated.
But as illuminated as it is, I still fail to see
that which is Off.

Today, I think of The Amazon,
And how illuminated it must be
It’s full of fires growing strong