And It was like there was a fire in the underbelly of my heart, that I  had waited so long for. On the winding path that I constantly found myself lost in, I had found a reason. I had been lingering, hoping for some sort of inspiration, something to believe in, a map, a key. The uncertainty and curiosity that I tended to find myself tangled in, became my muse. Although I grasp tightly on to my reason, I doubt it will last long. I am known for losing things.

Humanity i love you
because you would rather black the boots of
success than enquire whose soul dangles from his
watch-chain which would be embarrassing for both

parties and because you
unflinchingly applaud all
songs containing the words country home and
mother when sung at the old howard

Humanity i love you because
when you’re hard up you pawn your
intelligence to buy a drink and when
you’re flush pride keeps

you from the pawn shop and
because you are continually committing
nuisances but more
especially in your own house

Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
life in your pants and forgetting
it’s there and sitting down

on it
and because you are
forever making poems in the lap
of death Humanity

i hate you

You look so sad
To me
Why can't you see
I want to grasp your hand
And band together
Against the rest
Of the world
And whirl around
The whorls of the tree of life
Where strife is a myth
And sickness a joke
Where you don't choke
On the struggles of
Your past
Just move past them
And then you breath
The air of free men
But then and only then
Will you feel the emptiness
Of a life all figured out
no doubt no dreary dreams
Of everything coming together
No hope or plans
Or need to make plans
Next time you want it all
To stop
Remember
When life stops
You do too

You stand tall
On a ledge
Way up high

Staring down at
Glimmering water below.

The scene around you
Is beautiful.

Perfect like a painting

In a museum.

It feels like
There should be silence.
But there isn’t.

Tauntings are ringing
in your ears.

And a slight whimpering is present.

You only vaguely realize
That this noise comes from
You.

Most likely caused by the
Faltering steam
Of tears running
Down your face.

To shut all this out,
You close your eyes
And take a deep breath,

Lifting one of your feet
That had been planted
So firmly where you stand.

And leap.

For a moment,
There is no

Falling. No
Flying. No
Floating.

You are just there.

You decide you will
take a last breath but
Before you get
The chance you
hit the water.

A sting engulfs your
Bent leg while you
slide
into oblivion.

Under the surface,
The sense of nothing
Returns. Only this time it’s

Colder.

And the silence that
Was missing has revealed
Itself. Like it was
Hiding here
All along.

But the ache in your lungs reminds you that
There are places to be.

People to see.

So you kick up, disturbing
The previous perfection.

Your head breaks the
Surface

You are almost surprised
That the embarrassment you had
Been feeling has transformed
Into a source
Of pride
For you.

The presence of this
Only possible because you
Had done something.

One thing.
One very small, yet
Somehow,
Quite large
Thing.

You were finally able
To summon your courage
and

Jump.

Once upon a time,
I was your hero.
I would come to your side,
Sword in hand and defend until I could no longer breath or stand and even then
I’d fight.
I’d wipe your eyes dry and tell you everything was alright.
Once upon a time,
I did my job too well.
I guess I built you up so high, you can see that I’m not so strong, that I can be wrong and so you take me and break me down.
I try to get through to you one day. I ask for you to come and play and remember the days we’d spend together.
But you don’t want to.
You don’t need me anymore.
You have better thoughts to think about and better friends to think thoughts to.
And I’ve become nothing in the eyes of you.
So, I want to climb up to where you think you stand and look you in the eye but you look down at your hands.
So, I keep climbing, higher and higher until I can look down on you. But that’s not fair.
So, instead, I tilt my head back to the sky and shout:
Who are you?!
And start to cry.
But you don’t hear me.
No, you have headphones in your ears, thoughts in the clouds, feet off the ground and a keyboard at your fingertips.
To you, everything’s fine. To you.
To me, I see us falling apart. I see ice slowly encaging your heart. And it hurts me.
But why? Isn’t this what I wanted you to be?
That’s not why I cry. You don’t need me and that’s just fine, but still, I hurt...
Because, once upon a time,
You were my hero.
My rock, my crutches, my voice of reason.
Now your voice just dissolves into noise and I see you as a stranger on the street. One who won’t help me on my feet but knock me down.
I watch you walk away. I sit on the ground, thinking “There’ goes my happy ending”.