Most days,
you are all I want.

Your heartbeat next to mine,
feet kicking inside me. The first
moves you'll ever make. Just
for me. Just between us.
Most days.

Some days,
I make myself sick.

The sight of my stomach, so
flat and empty. My womb so cold
and dark without you there. The pain
is so real it forces me to my knees.
Some days.

Most days,
I dream about your life.

The colors I'd paint your room.
The music I'd play, the kind that's
supposed to make you smarter. The
stuffed animals that would clutter about.
Most days.

Rare days,
I hate you.

For teasing me with a chance
of life. For pushing away the man
I loved. As if any of it is your fault.
As if you chose to die before living.
Rare days.

Every day,
I think about you.

Endlessly.
Painfully.
Joyfully.
Lovingly.
Every day.

Non stop,
I love you

No matter
what happens,
this love will
never end.

Last night you told me you loved me,
but I never said it back.
It just didn't seem right for me,
with all the love that we lack.
I don't know how to tell you this,
but I don't think we belong.
All the feelings I thought we had,
well I guess we were wrong.
Everything you've said to me,
I found out was a lie.
So as much as it hurts to do this,
it's time to say goodbye.
I'm not doing this for me ***,
I'm doing this for you.
But I guess that's what you get,
for trying to tell me your lies were true.

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

Do not stand at my grave and weep..
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry..
I am not there. I did not die.

little ****
big mouth
narrow mind
no empathy
large ego
big coward
small brain
a big mistake
for you not me
because i'll find better
but you have lost the best

There will be a time when it will end.
Be it parting
Be it death
So each passing minute with you
Pendulummed with sadness.
So many times
I looked long into your face.
I could hear the clock ticking.

I will let myself cry.
I will let myself sigh.
Sorrow will overcome me.
And my sobs will shake me.

I need this now and then,
I just wish I could predict when.
My doubts and worries creep and creep
And then I sob until I sleep.

My mother wonders what’s gone wrong.
My lover holds me and sings a song.
People try to soothe my doubt
But I just need to cry it out.

It might be hormones, or it could be the heat.
All I know is that the cycle will repeat.
In a month or two I’ll be crying once more,
Shaking and sobbing in a way I deplore.

But the morning’ll come and I’ll crack a smile,
And I’ll be back to normal for a little while.
And then something’ll happen and I’ll feel my eyes sting,
And I’ll turn my face down and curse everything.

I’ll hate the world for a night or two
And I’ll hiccup and sob and feel so blue.
I’ll try to feel good in my own skin,
And I’ll try to keep out of the loony bin.

And then once again, I’ll feel just fine.
For a long while my eyes will shine.
I’ll be happy and confident and I’ll love you all
But in a few months, I’ll have to fall.

Even now my cheeks are wet,
And I’m writing things I might regret.
But tomorrow morning I will wake up
And, still tired, I’ll fill my teacup.

I’ll act as though nothing has changed
Though the night before I acted deranged.
I’ll clean my tearstained pillow case
And I’ll rejoin the human race.

Until it happens one more time.
And then I’ll write a nursery rhyme
as my sorrow overcomes me
and my sobs relentlessly shake me.

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but now it's come to distances and both of us must try,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.
I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time,
walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
you know my love goes with you as your love stays with me,
it's just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea,

but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't
untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.
I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't
untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.