his breath washed against me
like the sea into a pier
in the brown gloom of his basement apartment-
the greenness of our unemployed summer days
halted by Arsenault's phone call

those deep azure ripples in the mohawk river
tinged with creamy moonlight
brought this life to the shore
here we go lie down, lie down-
a conjectural pernicious crimson tide

we wore black as midnight
like still, ominous birds
shrouded, our eyes a profligate deluge,
the cemetery inundated with pink brio
and the ****** yellows of inexpedient sunshine

calling the *** kettle-black,
a blackberry stain on the sheets of eternity.
the gun smoke clouded streets of Vienna
miles and miles of muscle.
birch bark littered pockets of november
like whirring needles
that sing in your heart.
the body's limitless wealth of holes,
voiceless, writhe out of our eyes
like lights in the sea.

you insisted that i write my number down on the blank part of a mix tape...you used to slam down a beer like some kind of super hero...saw myself in your eyes and made sounds only you could hear...you'd press your lips into my forehead so fiercely it hurt; leading us deep into your distortions...

witnessed you spilling your soul into empty barrooms where last call came well before midnight...there wasn't any room in there for me...I made forfeit everything to stand in your arms; and how it lost me all I wanted...

I spread my palms wide across your ribs...curled my fingers tightly toward your spine and believed that you loved me...you turned on me and my wit...so you left me...I wanted to clumsily strew myself on your pillows and press my hand on your thigh, kiss your neck and giggle at your sarcasm...you convinced me that the flood of my insecurities drove you away, that i was the author of our demise...

we collide rarely...your eyes are always tired...you've built the Berlin wall around your heart...you have become a testament to the passage of time because I know I will not remember being the same...

you inappropriately love me but will never trust me...

you stand me in your arms, and it is like coming home after so many years abroad; we never will hold each other this way again...
our Rome became graffiti on my bedroom wall...
this undertow of wordshed always reminding me that I am not lost but I am not home...

When I know nothing else,
not where to place faith,
nor how to distinguish,
the blurring of days.
The town burns without fire,
coursing through,
scatterings decorate the streets;
conglomerated brew.
Runes of lives no longer lived.
Forgotten by disaster, I survived.
Refusing warrant.
Mental transcendence; torrent.
I hear you talking but I don’t listen
When did we become these people?
Lacking vision.

An million times I’ve replayed it this moment in my head

Picked apart trying to see when it began
The scream was piercing, it woke me from my sleep
But it seemed easy At the time,
One of laughter and fun
But I guess that was the last string of innocent remaining
Jolted by the shock of what was about to see next
The one who was there when my father left
The one who was there through the bullies, just you and me against the word.
Forever and always your little girl
You where the protector from all my childish fears
But now here you are convulsing on the stairs and I don’t know what to do.
Slow motion now, time comes to a stop
I’m frozen for what seems like eternity in that one spot
Grow up now
Call the ambulance
Grow up now
Save your sister from this terror
Grow up now
It’s not your time to breakdown
Call everyone
Tell them your world’s fallen apart
The guest in my house is now just another chore
Cook dinner
Take them through a city I don’t even know
Then fly them home
white walls and clean sheets is the only thing I come to know,
She forgets who I am
The memories forgotten, the only thing keeping our existence
40years of life was supposed to be a celebration
Turned out just a sad balloon with an auntie crying on my shoulder
Grow up now
Everything I knew is gone
Your eyes are lost
All the things we’ve seen, all the world’s we’ve explored
Her light was no longer lit
Her eyes are nothing, just an empty shell
Time never seemed to catch up
The hell in my heart never never seem to stop
Because when you came home, your eyes never did
The pain would not end
Our relationship we could not mend
The anger takes hold and I can’t seem to let the past go
It’s not your fault, it’s out of your control
But it’s out of mine to
My haunted future
Because I’m sitting here dwelling on this past
How long can this hell last