A cup of milk
Three egg whites
One broken heart
A splash of inspiration
A dash of a cutting addiction
A few years of a mild eating disorder
But recently, it has aged and become stronger
A hearty helping of low self-esteem
A handful of ****** childhood memories
A pinch of restlessness and insomnia
A lifetime of battles

The end result will be worth the fight.

Your soul is like your fingers
Such calloused hands
How rough you are
How abrasive you can be
Doesn't measure up
To the toughness of your heart
I admire your resiliency
My only wish is that
You would soften up to me
Know it's okay to get cuts and scratches
And even to show off your scars
Show me your sensitive underbelly
Trust me enough to fall asleep next to me
Like how animals sleep tummy side up
When they feel safe
Shed your hard layers
Feel my gentle interior
Know that it will always be
Okay.

last night;
in an awfully profound night's sleep
i dreamt of dismantling barren roads
that hurriedly flowed down
like rapid moonlit rivers
streaming down yawning mountains

the pint-sized diamonds in the stream
reminded me of sparkling headlights
parallel to busy streets on late fridays
where youngsters in shiny cars
are seen racing for their lives
daringly pacing through bright city lights
looking for parties to crash and burn
for their own delight

the road i assembled from these broken pipes
led me into a bank of crystalline water
brilliant with intense enchantment
i drunk from the lucid spirals on the surface

illusions bewildered my owl eyes
as a spectrum of colors propagated outwards
expanding like a thousand burning suns
when i dipped curious fingers in
the surreal mixture of flourescent light

briefly for a moment
all life shined through with purpose
the serene sounds of the humming river
crashed towards me and enveloped me in kisses
they lifted my head from under the ground
and over the clouds i rose

i think it meant a second chance
was within my fragile reach
somehow i could finally
take fate into my own hands
to rebuild my walls with these feeble joints

my own path to guide me out
this state of repulsion
towards myself
it was a reset button
to start all over
one morning to wake
unbroken and aspiring to believe

maybe your presence made that possible
a four leafed clover
i had miraculously found by the roadside
during those lonely trips taken out of town

you were a starfish dying on the shore
i hoped was waiting for me hold
the one i picked and couldnt decide
whether the sky or my palms
were it's home
and so i kept something
i should have given back
'Oh magnificent Sea, please do forgive me'

but you gave me something
i never thought i had the right to feel
such promise your words resonate
evoking
    images,
memories,
          and emotions
i never dreamt could be mine

though shamelessly stolen from mother nature
regret has lost it's match
claimed and planted deep
you are a budding seed
growing it's own eden in my heart

this inelastic collision of you and i
must have sprung out for a greater cause
that you must have birthed from a shooting star
a conscious meteor of rupturing destiny
purposely aim towards me by the heavens
and i thank them for once

though much of my dream
has spilled out of context
and the seams have frayed out of order
giving up isnt an option anymore
because to know why
you stand here with me
is a buried treasure somewhere
along this map im still plotting the points on for