hey.
I sort of,
really
cannot breathe.
not just
when you are(n't)
around,
but right now
and many other times
I've caught myself
at the edge of a final
exhalation,
too.
and when I think I can
finally
breathe,
it's like
I just don't want to,

anymore.

So there you are, partying
Having fun
With everyone.
Gosh, you look happy.

You have not given me
A moments thought
Have you?

For all you know,
I remain unforgiven
And in torment,
But you haven’t wondered,
It hasn’t crossed your mind
To try to find out.

I expect you would shrug your shoulders…

“Why did you tell him….?  You can’t be honest about these things Amanda…There’s too much at stake…
I thought we had an agreement…”

So, my crime was honesty.
Yours was far worse
But there you are, partying,
Having fun
With everyone,
Gosh, you look happy.

Shuffled deck; fetch me three of Seventy-Eight cards.
First:

Queen of Swords
"This fine Sword of honest metal
is a more true an Ally
than many of Flesh indeed prove to be."

Much like Athena,
The Queen of Swords
is symbolic of progress;
always keen on new ideas;
though she is not One to leave herself defenseless,
her faithful Sword stands
always by her side.

Second of the three,
of the still Seventy-Seven:

Two of Swords
"Distracted by conflict
'twixt Heart and Mind,
I hold two Swords and bide my Time."

Two of Swords
stands between Moon and Water;
the Shadow and the Subconscious
the darkness and the unknown.

The Two of Swords
is blindfolded
and in her blissful ignorance
maintains her precarious balance,
for now.

The third of three random cards;
leaving Seventy-Five unturned:

Knight of Swords
"Feast your eyes upon this, my plan;
I wager thou hath, in all thy wretched days,
ne'er so beauteous a thing beheld!"

The Knight of Swords
is a keen poet and a fine musician;
though perhaps not romantically.

She dabbles for the sake of the intellect,
and seeks that those things be playthings thereof.
She is symbolic of progress through new ideas
and of the eloquence of a well-laid plan.

Being of the House of Swords,
she revels in the stimulation of intellect
and the effective use of wisdom.
She usually yields only to herself
and marches to the beat of her own convictions,
all the while
keeping her eyes
on the prize.
-
All of these Cards
are of the House of Swords.
There's about a 1 in 166 chance
of getting 3 of the 14 Swords
out of a random deck of 78 cards.

I got the Queen of Swords as my third card last time
and the first card this time;
There's 1 in approximately 676 chance
of getting the same card
in two consecutive sets of three cards
from a random 78 card deck.

(im)Probabilities aside:

The Suit of Swords is generally associated with:
one's ways of thinking, systems, ideas, and communication.

It has much to do with
what we chose to do with our Minds
and it also is symbolic of the power of
the stories we tell ourselves and each other.

The Swords are indeed double-edged in Tarot.

It has to do with the power of information
and with that comes delusion,
and, inexorably,
paradox.

Patterns do exist, however.
Upon these patterns
foundations may be built,
the same is true within myself;
I can choose to use all these Swords
to cut through this cage of Shadow
and set free the Light once more
rather than allowing myself
to myself fall victim to the Swords
through inaction or misuse
though only if I tread lightly
and thoughtfully
and proceed with tact;
that much is clear.

Sword is the sign of Air;
perhaps the message here is simply
"Remember to breathe."