those little lines were always more important to you.

it still wasn't enough for you to stay

no song in the world would describe this feeling

they'll never know you the way that I do

blamed it on your situation
this never ending cycle
said no matter what, no matter when, no matter where
broken heart claim
yet I'm always picking up the pieces they broke

It seems as if you are gone for good
no more messages
no more random pop ups
no more looking for sympathy
I dont deserve this

how I feel about the missed calls
how I feel about the drug use
how I feel about the lying
how I feel about our situation
how I feel about reality
how I feel about the pain
how I feel about with you
how I feel without you

the thoughts
the heart
the memories
the scars

I saw your face yesterday
I barley recognized who you've become
Hallowed out jaw and forced smile
That wasn't who you were around me
Your soul has been ****** from your veins
The very veins that are pumping the drugs through
Your dead eyes spoke volume
Eyes don't lie

the bottle
your hugs
the pills
your kisses
the blade
your fists
at what cost do I beg for warmth

you are back again
what is the point?
you come just as fast as you leave
do I deserve this?

alone, in this world
you come and go as you please
far beyond manipulation
but it is better than loneliness

the ****** took your mind
bouts of rage and tiny pupils
midnight FaceTime calling
no help, you are falling
track marks and empty staring
my heart is tearing

my right hand, my go to
why did you have to go too
told you everything
now you're gone, leaving
my best friend
now I play pretend

how did we get here
paying bills and losing homes
losing children and our minds
itching for a new life
another death another tear
choked up on pride too afraid to swallow it

stop teaching men
no crying
no feelings
be a man
human bank
nobody cares
mental illness isn't real

start teaching
you are worthy
your feelings matter
tell me more
I got that bill
I care, go on
it is okay to not be okay

you remember them
it is hard to forget them
they are burned into our memories
everywhere we turn
some you block out but others are imbedded into your skin
how could a face leave scars, pain, sadness, or despair

Sun, moon, and all the stars that’s what you are to me
I am wholeheartedly in love with who you were, who you are, and who you’ll become
Love comes unexpectedly
Sing me to sleep, my darling

You lie awake at night wanting love that doesn’t want you
Crying tears on people who would stomp on your grave

don't get to see you grow old
never hear your voice again
losing your joyous smile
the emptiness of your bedroom
children wondering why
your smell burns now

they talk behind your back
you can feel it like knives in your skin
it's supposed to be love not hate
what can you do
never ending cycle

the comforting colors of crimson and silver
the numbness of each line
the dizziness of every bottle

seeing him after years of feeling free from his grip
jolting up straight, holding back tears, rapid breathing
why does it still hurt so much
the bruises went away, why can't you

Whether it be drugs, liquor, or people
You have no remorse
Ripping through towns like a tornado
Look at all the damage caused
Some messes cannot be cleaned.

heart is shattered in millions of pieces
which piece are you going to follow
if you follow at all
hatred filling your veins
without your consent
but it wouldn't be the first time

We hope for the best but life works out in funny ways
struggling to live and afford to be alive
is this what we all couldn't wait for
to be helpless
struggling
down and out
when are we free

I am lost
in time
in mind
in heart
in your arms
How do I get out

you may have left me
the memories didn't
I still care for you
I shouldn't still hurt
it wasn't anything to you
you said you were back for good

They will:
Leave
Hurt
Yell
Play Victim
but when it is you
when does it matter?

Shaking with the phone in my hand
Uneasy stomach and sweats
My legs are trembling
Is this my life now

Space gazing through the universe
Feel like I’m floating in another dimension
Intense emotions and low eyes
Is this anxiety or the high

down like waterfalls
sunshine is the root of evil
we are captivated by our thoughts
our brains are cashed
stuck in a head change

They take all parts of you until there’s nothing left
Stuck with the memories of the trauma
Do I grab the gun or the bottle
So tainted from others hands
Thoughts are drowning me

Rainbow stars and wavy vibrations
Big eyes and fluffy steps
It’s a wild ride on the road to success
Wormy worm

Forced love
I said no
You took what you wanted anyway
Someone help
You said it was deserved
Blood and crying eyes

We mutilate to feel something
We cry to heal something
Struggling to breathe over the thought of you with someone else
Bleeding to deal with the lies and insecurities
Brain like scrambled eggs in the hot sun
Skeleton shapes and clanking bones
Is it enough yet

Lost in time
Days pass
Nothing to remember
Zombified walk through
Drugged out minds
***** bodies

Lost in your mind
Waves of sadness crash down
Droopy eyes and drugged
Why try to be alive
******* crazy
Boozed beauty

YOU broke me
with your lies
your schemes
wasted time
forced behavior
fake love
your drugs
your *****

After pills
After liquor
After trauma
After ***
After drugs
After hurt
After love
After death

Opening of the mind during experiments
Forever woke about mass happiness
Waves of vibrations through your body
Becoming completely zen with your inner self

It’s what we dwell on
It’s what we cannot forget
Something we’re trying to live down
Breaks us down and buries the good
The past isn’t always what it seems
It’s either the beautiful yet sad
Or it’s the ugly and damaging
Pick

It’s all a part of your mental
Who you are & who you become
So be strong and kick *** through life
Sometimes we fall down but we all have wings

The month of your known PTSD.
The month your life changed forever.
Never forget the hands that bruised.
The “man” who will never be sorry.
Protect yourself during this time.
This month is hard.

Relapse.
It happens.
Sometimes it feels so good, the adrenaline rush for the adrenaline ******.
Sometimes you hate yourself more than you did before.
The sweet yet incriminating taste of relapse.
It happens.

Things happen for lots of reasons
We may never know most of them but we will continue to believe everything happens for a reason
Life works in ways that mostly hurt us
So we grab that bottle whether it’s the pills or alcohol
Drown your thoughts to feel human again
Suffer in ways we can never explain
Die knowing nobody gave enough of a f**k

i appreciate all you do but ...

Addies & Coke
The go to for the go through
Fill your nose
Fill your throat
Choose not to feel whats really hurting
Desperately feigning
They are lost between where to go and how to get there
This really isn’t that simple, you see
Watch them struggle and break all the rules

Where do I go
Pills filling my mouth
Brain clouded with suicide
This is how it ends
Help

Sometimes we lose people for our own good
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell
We get way more sad then we should
I cannot change what has happened
I guess I can only move on from here
It will always hurt just know that
I’m sorry things turned out to be so bad
I wish you well even though you destroyed pieces of me
You never deserved me in your life
Your loss