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To the girl who sits behind me
On the city bus everyday:
I know they probably say
With your cat-eye and your beehive
That you look like you belong
Way back in the day
But I think you look beautiful,
Even more so yesterday,
When you walked onto the bus
with your hair down wearing tear-stains.
I think you looked best today,
With a messy bun and no makeup
Listening to a song
And laughing
While I tried not to smile

To the guy who wrote the poem for me yesterday:
I know you must work hard,
You come here at six in the morning everyday,
And I don’t know why
But when I look your way I feel safe.
I know you probably hear
That you should take a break
But I know what it’s like
To work hard
Because there’s not another way.
And I know they probably say
With your tattoos and your gages
You don’t look your age
And you shouldn’t have gotten the job,
But I think you look best
At five in the morning
When you’ve just woken up
And you’re sipping coffee
While we wait for the bus
And your hair’s all messy
And your tattoos catch my eye
And I try to read them,
But I don’t want to pry

To the girl who replied to my poem yesterday:
You can read my tattoos
Any time you like
And I think you look best
At six in the morning
When your eyes shine bright
And you sip your coffee
And don’t hide your delight
I like the way
You bite your lip
When you read a book
Or you’re thinking
Or bored,
It drives me crazy
How come we never talk?
Maybe one day,
Instead of poems at bus stops
We could go for a walk.
Well, I have to get off.
Your stop’s in a minute,
Try not to forget it.

To the guy who writes me poems at bus stops:
I feel like I know you better everyday,
But it’s really weird,
Because I don’t know your name
And you don’t know mine,
Which I think is fine,
Because if this turned
Into anything other
Than poems
At bus stops,
I’d probably scare you away
Like everybody else.
Maybe we should stop,
Before we both get hurt.
Signed tearfully,
The girl in the seat behind you

To the girl who told me to go away:
You wouldn’t scare me away,
Not yesterday,
Not today,
Not ever.
Please don’t make me leave
Like everybody else.
Signed hopefully,
The guy who writes poems at bus stops

To the guy who writes poems at bus stops:
My name’s Haley
And sometimes I close my eyes
And wonder what they call you.
I take pictures everyday
And that’s why I’m here at five
Or maybe six
Every morning
To capture the perfect sunrise.
Here’s the picture I got
Yesterday, just in case
You wanted to see.

To Haley,
Who gets up early
To capture sunrises:
My name’s Ryan and
I spend all day crunching numbers,
Praying they don’t crunch back.
The picture was beautiful
And I though that maybe
One day
We could meet for coffee
And turn this into something
More than poems
At bus stops.

To Ryan, the number-cruncher
Who stole my heart:
I’d love to go for coffee
And we can laugh while we talk,
Maybe I can even show you
My favorite place
In Central Park
And we can go for a walk.

Dearest Haley,
Who captures sunrises
And stole my heart:
I can’t believe it’s been
A year since we began
With poems at bus stops
And coffee while we
Watched rain drops and talked about us.
I know this may be too soon,
I pray you don’t think me a fool,
To believe a number-cruncher
And sunrise-capturer
Could have a happily ever after.
But what do you say
We give it a shot
And spend the rest of our lives
Telling our kids
About how a number-cruncher
And a sunrise-capturer
Had a fairytale wedding
And are living their
Happily ever after.
You only step foot in the same river once,
It always rushes through, new water with new life.
The freshness and purity cleanses my soul sifting through, touching every part of me.
I was naive when I thought this would be easy
That when I dipped my feet in for the first time, it wouldn't last.
I drained every drop out leaving no air for us to breathe.
And I can no longer breathe.
I strained for newness and tranquility in silence
Listening to your breathe, feeling your heart.
We flew on comets and every night I came back down wondering where I left my body.
You were right there to collect my pieces that were left on the floor.
Swinging side to side there were times our fire danced,
Lighting up the sky brighter than any sun or moon.
Perfection can only be measured by flaws,
And growing takes time.
Well I have the time.

I wanted to burn bright like lightning bugs in the night sky,
Instead I was swiftly blown out by my own ghost
Who was watching my every move.
I felt like cloth on the floor, just waiting to be made into a garment to wear.
Dark blue always looked so good on you.
So when I stepped into the river I never wanted to leave.
The constant flow hitting my feet feeling safe and complete
Always wanting more.

More.
That 's the problem.

Trains passing by, hauling seats of bones to their next home
Rattles at each shake of the rails.
I feel the shake.
It courses through my body reminding me I have not yet made a home for myself.
Watching and waiting I have seen others cross paths to their content lives
And I sit splintering at the thought of leaving.
Movement becomes shallow and feeling becomes another word to describe pain.
Pain is real and it lives within me, never letting my head fall to rest and my eyes to see the beauty in front of me.

Soaking now, I wait in this river.
Waiting to dance one last time.
The dance with the fire in our eyes and truth wrapped around our wrists.
I'll become a constant like a thread that never unravels
And I'll never cut the string.

So let's move along and shape to the river as it takes us,
You one way and me the other.
As it splits into two I press my life forward with love in my heart and strength on my chest.
Until the day the river becomes an ocean of wholeness, I lay my path flowing in front of me.
To bring the fear I feel and cast it from me.
Crush it under stones at the bottom of the water never letting loose again.
I felt free as it carries me, baptizing me to be renewed again.

I'll close my eyes and be still, finding the sounds of your voice one last time.
It echoes and calls back to me anytime I need.
Currents pull me along, away from the shore where I stood.

Goodbye My love,
For wherever there is a river, there is you
And wherever there is music, I'll hear you.
Where the paints drip, and the trees grow I'll see you.
And where the waters meet, I'll swim to you.
The Blueberry tried

to escape from my lips

but instead

it ended in my hand

and back to my lips again.

The fall, for it, must have felt a lifetime
after dodging death once
but
like all things
something found it
a gentle touch turned crushing
snuck up from under it
bringing to the brink and past again

I feel its little soul
squeeze out on my tongue
bitter
sweet
almost overripe, but cooked in brown sugar sauce
it whirled from death so many times
that when I finally came
I found it in its best suit
and I robbed it even of that

Or perhaps, the suit of old age
of ripening,
isn't quite its best
maybe
when it was unripened
and pale
on the bush
perhaps that would have been more fitting
for me to rob him
of his style
 Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden
Dia
Feeling really depressed
I'm running out of breath
I'm always second best
And it's getting to my head.
I always say I'd rather be dead
And I've never said something that I never meant

I'm the one who gets abandoned when something better comes along
People use me for entertainment, and no, I don't think that's wrong
That's all I am, something to use
This poem has me in my feelings, making me blue
Crying, because who am I to you?
Just one of those many toys from which you get to pick and choose?
I'm a fool,

Thinking you actually care
Telling me you love me? Don't you dare.
I've been hurt badly enough not to believe that ****
It's like my heart's a puzzle, and there are pieces amiss

It's like my heart is spilling on these pages as I write this poem,
It's been quite a while since I've truly felt "at home".
I feel like a stranger in a foreign land
I say I can save myself, but I don't really think I can
 Jul 2013 Esmé van Aerden
XIII
When your poem doesn’t work
Or you cliché lines make you look like a dork
Neither your sweet words got her head turn
It seems you were so hot and her tongue got burned

When she didn’t react with what you said
Though for her heart to throb, it was meant
When it wasn’t brought on topic yet
Maybe it was too worthless she forget

When she’s not in the mood to reply back
When it seems you’re talking to someone whose mouth is shut
When simple smileys from her are all you got
When you messaged her a whole lot

Fear not and keep calm
Maybe most of it is all in your mind
Stay cool and try to understand
Be reminded to be as patient as you can

“She’s probably busy
But she even sought time to text a smiley”
Chant that to yourself and be as positive as you can be
Because getting emotional isn’t the key

Take time to ask her what’s wrong
You’ve probably done something without knowing so
If that’s the case, whisper a “Sorry” or sing a song
Make her feel that you’ll never let her go

It’s better to trust then regret
Than doubt then regret
“I love you”, in those words of her, you should always place your bet
Believe in her instead of your weak speculations, that, you shouldn’t forget
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