what hurts the most
is feeling that it's real,
how our kisses sealed
all the past lovers we had;
being the best we could be,
holding you so close to me
but realizing right after
that this was meant to happen
but not meant to last
and i knew, i just did,
that one day this could end.

i open my eyes and see
the sun shining down on me
no; directly on my bed,
where i first kissed your forehead

i take a shower and feel
the water pouring down on me
no; directly on the ground
and i can still hear your sound

i search for my clothes and find
you sitting by my side
no, you're not here, not anymore
and it still makes my heart sore

i laugh with him and think about
all the times you were with me
no, i shouldn't be like this
you should be long gone to me

but no, you see, my heart is
the one that is gone from me
yes, i love you still, sweetheart
please come back, come back to me

Once there was a dreamer,
all he wanted was to run,
but he cannot even walk.
He can't break free of his own chains,
the one given to him since birth.
His mother was never proud of him,
he hid in the shadows of his curtains.
His father never really said anything,
he was always busy with something.
They love him, yes,
but that was not enough.
He wants to claim his own happiness
And so in dreams he says

I want to run,
it would be my dull life's cure.
I want to taste the sun,
I have never felt pure
I am tattered,
tainted with impairment.
A ***** disable,
I want to do things
my feet cannot bear.

I need my freedom,
I need my remedy.

And so in a dream,
he felt so ready,
he didn't hear the gun start,
nor the beating of his heart
This is clarity;
his feet floated,
he was immense,
And so in reality,
when he awoke, he said
It was intense.

All I sensed was the radiating sun,
I didn't do anything but run.

I have been to a few places in this lifetime. Very few, in fact, for someone who has this huge, innate desire to travel the world. I was about five when I started going to school. I didn’t last a week. I was there for three days, the daycare. I couldn’t stand it.

My dad liked driving us to vacation spots every summer. Or whenever Holy Week comes, and we need to go to at least seven churches. I was thirteen when I transferred schools. I hated it, of course. I was never into school, though I never actually failed a course. In that ugly city, I loved you. It was where we met, and I think I would have hated it much more if you weren’t there. We used to kiss in bathroom stalls, in your room, in our friend’s brother’s room -- I loved you there, too.

It was my first time being up in a Ferris wheel the night you left. I loved you there, as much as I wanted to push away the new you and pull out the old you when we reached the peak of the ride. I loved you there so much that it hurt. I went to university at sixteen. I was alone in a city full of dreams. I saw you everywhere even though you were never there.

At this point, I know -- I just do -- I can love you anywhere.

You told me before
you are my angel,
my love, my savior
and together we'll soar

Did you believe me when I
told you this that night:
to me you are the most
beautiful girl to ever exist

and i could not compare you
to anything in this world

On our last day you told me
*you were my angel,
my love, my savior
I'm sorry
   I made you soar
       alone

What I want so much is for the worst to diminish
And be left with all the good ones
What I want so much is to vanish -
Everything, even myself, all at once

But all I am offered
are time and the awaited remedy
All seems blurred
but right now this is all I can be.

Nobody warned
It could be this
Close, this strong; that
Over the distances
Love could be painted and the
Epitome of what we started could

Destroy our chaos,
Embarking in our minds that
Love could still be here and will
Always be here

Come closer,
Reality will hit us one day but
Unfortunately for the stars, my love
Zenith found its way to us

Real, tell me
And I will
Make sure that nothing
In this world, not the bumpy
Rails and barricades of
Every tragic incident we have made, could disturb our
Zen.

two months tomorrow, still you keep me out of my sorrow. darling i just want you to know that for you i am grateful

two months tomorrow, still you keep me distracted. darling i just want to say that if it werent for you i'd have ran away

two months tomorrow, thats what it took for me to know a piece of you and you, a part of me.

i'd like to share more memories, but know that i am contented and happy with whatever you keep on giving me

for every second of every day, you make me feel happy. for every second of every day, you make me feel loved.

for every day, Ezmo, you are with me. and i am grateful.

before the bad,
this i'll say:
if i tell you to leave
don't ever listen.
the worst will come,
darkness will eat us both.
our bliss
will be buried
in the sands
of our forgotten memories,
beneath the sad thoughts
beneath all our nightmares -
our happiness will lie.
alone and desolated -
she will sleep there hopelessly.
we cannot rescue her
it will be too late,
i know it because
it has happened before,
but until then
let's shelter ourselves
with loving hands,
silent daydreams
and genuine caresses
let's claim our everyday,
enjoy our now,
and live today



before our bad days, my love,
i'll let you know:
don't let me go,
for i know i'll tell you to.
you can't stop me,
nor i, you.
but know this, darling,
that what lies inside
this wretched mind,
though i might not say,
*i am begging for you to stay.

2:30
stop fading, please
stop letting go of this
stop hiding in your shell
maybe i just want you to tell.

3:20
one hold and i am still
one stare and i broke the deal
it is weakening, it is too strong
it is a thing i dont want to last long

4:13
here we go again
walking down the runway of stares
what have we done? is this a sin?
to escape this, we climbed the stairs

4:30
let our silence do the talking.

5:10
what even is kissing?

5:30
we should really go home now
no, stay.

6:01
it's the rain that's telling us to leave
**i know, but let us stay.

If you could only see me think of you when I am drunk, then we would both know how real this is.

i wonder

where your eyes will set
whose hands you'll hold
whose lips you'll tease
whose shoulder you'll lean on
whose presence you'll crave
what you'll stare at for hours
who you'll want
who you'll need
who you'll love

a year from now

I will never
I remember that day fresh
I never assumed, nor did I beg for it
I can never

once a friend asked
what is your home like?
and then i thought
what is it like?

it is where i loved
where i lived
all the things i keep
tis where i find more peace
and more chaos

it is who i love
who i lived with
all the people i adore
tis where i find more admiration
and more chaos

it is why i love
why i live
all the places i have been to
tis why i find more wonder
and more chaos

it is when i love
when i want to live
all the dates i died
tis why i find more serenity
and more chaos

but what was my home like?
was it ever happy,
and did it ever contain love?
or was it just chaos all in all?

i wonder if you wonder
does she write me poems
and sing me lullabies
even when i am not home?

i wonder if you wonder
is she okay?
she told me more than once
she cant live without me

is she okay? do you ask yourself
and wonder what i am now
without you here?

if i give much to you, would you hold her safe?
if i hand this much to you, would you keep a promise?
that whenever too much happens, you'll caress her face
and tell that you'll never let her little love go to waste.

your baby girl cried tonight
the vibrations she made were quiet
she wants you to know how unbecoming it is as you said
youre okay, sleep tight

daddy make me go out
i am caged in this
i still cant figure it out
but i know it's not what my soul needs

i find war in every story
i am unwell,
this is love,
this is hell

i can feel everything giving up on me
i saw how she smiled today
but i still worry, you see
she said she'll never be okay

i am more than these bones,
i am less than these words
i feel shame,
just wish she would feel the same

i am weak and my mind is chaotic
i hope she would come home
i am strong and my body is sick
i hope she would come home

I almost like it when they whisper;
behind our backs, silently
It keeps them ignorant, and us betrayed
but I don't care, it is well-played
by our own actors and actresses
they are what keeps this world in distress
but I don't care, it is the only time
when they sound like
they do listen to what I say
Like wow, you remember that?
I almost like it when they stare at us;
when they judge, silently
It keeps them ignorant of what we have,
and they think we are so foolishly in love
but I don't care, it is when I realize
that yes, we really are crazy in love
I don't care because it is when I know
who cannot be here when I am low
I don't care, keep on talking about us
There are days I am happy
and nights that are melancholy
There are days that your looks can affect me
and nights that your words can stab me
I don't care, but other times I do
I don't care, but right now I do

He cheers me up,
he makes me happy
and when you're not here,
he tells me he loves me.

*He loves me.
He loves me a lot.
He loves me.
He loves me even more.

You say it's just my mood swings,
When tears can't stop from falling
and yes, the reason is nothing
But I feel this -
these annoying emotions
and troubled thoughts

It is not because I am a girl
having another day of sadness
It is because I am empty
having another day of worthlessness.

we walked along that street,
you took my hand,
held my hips
and kissed my lips

i will never kiss another
i believed it, you see
i knew you weren't lying
i knew how much you loved me

we walked along that street,
your street,
i decided to name it after you
it holds me still as i try to grasp my light

do you think our children will see this?
i watched you walk home
and pictured you in a dress we saw before
i bet they never will

we walked along that same street,
the same date,
only you were different

we didnt hold hands
you dont put your arms around my hips anymore
not even a goodbye kiss was given.
maybe we were scared of how much we both knew it wouldnt last,
how much we knew it was our last.

My heart drenched in wine
Alcohol in my mind
Cigarette burns in my lungs
Drug specks in my veins

*Your wings against my chest
We are such a beautiful mess
My lips brush on your skin
Your scent enters deep within

Meet my eyes and smile
Throw your head back and laugh
I'll place my hands on your hips
Keep on being happy, just like this

Don't mind the other stars
Let yourself afire
You're shining ever so brightly
You are the iris for me

Such closeness,
little things,
fingers entwine-

It's wrong when people say
Love doesn't usually come our way
It's always here, let it remain
Twas there for a while, even if it is gone
So why wonder who will love you tomorrow
if yesterday already took away your sorrow

i refuse to believe
that you are being true
you tell me the fault i have
but you act like that too

closer, closer
i want to trace your features
i need to see more,
to touch more,
to make you feel more

lay down with me
hover your hand just above my body
prove me the buzzing motions,
the strength of our connection
breathe me, breathe me

taste the love, feel the lust
give me what i desire
press those lips against mine
go harder as i yearn for more
kiss me, kiss me

You know what you give me?

A year ago I would have said I would rather be in bed than in school.
Nine months ago I would have said I would rather be quiet than make a fight.
But yesterday was a starting point.
And all the other days before that were flames that needed to ignite.
Today there will only be you and me.
Right now, I don't know what I feel,
but I'll know when you come back here.
One, five, ten years from now, what would we be?

Surprise me.

this might sound different to you
for it is coming from my lips
you haven't seen my point of view
so i wrote - something to start with

let me begin with your eyes
she is covered with paintings of
how they cried for the boy who lied
she thinks they never really shine

i have heard her talk with despise
of your arms, your chest, of your thighs
how imperfect your skin is
how uncontrollable she is

she says our whole cannot be saved
she says our heart needs to be loved
that's what your life can only be
adored by the only one who sees

she envies the body she wants
you envy the stories you read
you only see her in darkness
created special by chaos

she blocks the noise with loud screaming
captures the sound of you laughing
only to see you watching her
delete them in times of crying

but do not let her be your fear
show her you can endure the tears
be the leader to her servants
be the one who gives her commands

be strong, be brave
be she,
be her,
the girl you've always wanted to be

that, is something to start with.

We haven't been sharing,
Every step we made was lurking
in our shadows that we cast
and all the barricades we built
I want you to see that I am here
For three years now, I have proven
that I am a friend,
I could be trusted
I will stick with you til the end
But when will our end come?
I hope it never will
Joanne,
with you I have laughed,
I have shared secrets
and ***** memories
but all of them are treasured
weak or strong,
real or not,
I am here.

This is for the poet
the sunshine woke up today
for the poet who loves
reading two books in a day
for the poet who should
be followed, come what may

for the poet who could
see me in the dark

This is for the poet
who dreams of a quiet place
for the poet who searches
eternally for infinite solace
for the poet who looks
for a soul and stays

for the poet who could
be with me in the dark

This for the poet
who can't be beaten down
for the poet undaunted
by the laws of the crowd
for the poet who sees
through all the thick clouds

for the poet who could
save me from the dark

This is for the poet
the moon will sing goodnight
for the poet who saves
her last breath for the stars
for the poet my heart
belongs to from the start

for the poet who could
love me in the dark

who acts as barricades,
protecting their angel
- who does not want to see her hurt,
those who embrace her wings

- who thinks she can never fly by herself
- who thinks she is too weak to handle pain

look again;
you have a brave girl right in front of you,
vulnerable and ready-stand
to experience hurt
and breaking

open and ready to fight
for the greatest love she'll ever find

burn for me, let's be reckless
turn every path in flames
break for me, let's run away
and in return, i will stay

It is in the loudest crowds
In the darkest room
In the hardest hour
In the midst of sadness
In the time of depression
In the moment of longing
It is here, and all around
Where I always find you.

If only you know you are wasting that pretty face,
that scarred body,
that filled mind
and those skillful hands,
your sweet words and fake kindness

If you could only let go of the dark,
I am willing to walk you down the exit
we could be actual friends,
we could actually be true to ourselves

i found an angel in hell
are you lost?
we are definitely lost

we dont belong here
i go here,
but am not actually

i noticed you arent too
we can run away if you want
to the seas, far from this land

we dont belong here
i know so
i watch you fade into your own world everyday

Cinemas were made for us to watch movies, but it seems like they are the one watching us.*

How right the world was then
We held hands and you opened
The world I have never seen
The buzzing was too much
I remember how you were so tensed
God, what could have happened
If I didn't close my eyes?
We were not even inches apart
You were listening to my heart
Every move was burning
Every touch, every spark
What were we watching again?
Oh ***** that, dear,
our lips were now getting near
to the most awaited bliss
to the most awaited first kiss.

the problem about them
is that they write about everything.
so if they write about you,
are you really different?
if they romanticize
the way your eyes close when you laugh
and notice the way you walk,
isn't it normal for them to see all these things?
what makes their adoration special
is how they can tell you all the words
that they have written at midnight
face-to-face, upfront, straightforward.
what makes their love for you special
is how they combine it with petals
and notes every morning.
how they are not contented with their own rhymes.
how they want you to feel special,
so they will go all the way up
just to make you feel something.
how they do whatever they promised.
how their hearts go crazy when you say those three words.
how they fall in love with every particle,
every scent,
every vibration,
every touch,
every word
you have ever said.
what makes you special
is the fact that
you are the only one
they see when the sun wakes them up.
what makes you special is that
you are the only one
they think of when the stars bid good night.
what makes you special
is that they take their time
trying to catch your every breath
everyday.

What is the point of faking your smiles,
faking your feelings
towards someone you do not even care about?

What is the point of giving time,
sharing laughters
to somebody you do not even want to be with?

What are you even thinking
when you are with me?
Conversing thoughts
and taking in every minute possible
without actually absorbing
all the words I am constructing

no dictionary has the words,
not even my mind can make one
what is it, then?
is it more than love?
or just a common crush?
bu how come whenever your breath
touches my cheeks,
my whole body shakes?
inside and out,
from skin, down to my bones
blood rushes up to my face
and the whole place gets hot
even if you are far from me,
i feel like when i think of you -
your presence is still there
no matter how much thinking i do,
i cannot fathom the feeling
i cannot translate it as humanly as possible
i cannot write it down
i cannot explain
i cannot define
how much i yearn
and yearn
and yearn
and yearn for you
everyday.

i went home with your scent
don't ask me what my words meant
i want to say it, but i cant
three words, softly written

is this the right moment?
tell me what you are waiting for
you have fixed all my dents*
you've proven, now i want more.

i want to go back
to when i could come up to you,
sing you an old song
and nobody would look at us

i want to go back
to when i could sit so close to you,
tell you an old story
and nobody would look at us

i want to go back
to when i could cover your eyes,
make you say my name
and nobody would look at us

i want to go back
to when i gave you poems,
read you my entries
and nobody would look at us

i want to go back
to those random moments
when you wrapped your arms around me
without malice, with no second thoughts

and nobody,
not even you,
would look at us

i want to go back
to when i sang you that old song,
remember what you said?
"if only you were a boy"

and i guess thats when everything changed. you didn't care if i wasn't a boy.

at first it was pink
the shyest color
let the feeling sink
you deserve to have more

then it turned yellow
a happy color
take away sorrow
plant me smiles once more

then red came along
the strongest color
'twas a good feeling
come on, love some more

you gave me words, too-
stored them in my core
-not one thing or two
but all hues and more

but love, as they tell,
may bring tears and pain
have i gone insane?
this is worse than hell

and so you brought me
black, white that i bore
you broke my heart, baby
i can't love no more

but i realized,
i was hurt and sore,
*got cuts from your lies,
but i couldn't have asked for more

Seeing a person
vanish
from paradise
to inferno,
from extreme gladness
to transcendent disappearance -
would make you see how sublime
they look in their darkness,
and it would make you realize
how much you can adore
one
person
so
so
so
*much

I forced myself
to sleep early last night
I dozed off right after I
thought of you

I woke up and you
were lying beside me
it was strange
You weren't here

go, just leave!
why am i saying this?
you left me once
i think i could do it again!

i am screaming but
i cant hear myself

you were about to
walk out the door
but i slammed it back
leave!

you went upstairs
almost closed the door
open it!
for ***** sake! open it!

no, you said
i dont have anyone right now
that got me
You have everything!

while you took away mine

i forced the door open
i saw you standing, scared?
baby, dont be afraid
I love-

you kicked me
and i am out of your life again.

I snapped you out of your dreamland,
Hey, wake up
It seemed to be getting out of my hands
Aloof and distant, wake up

Make me your inspiration,
I strongly said
No, you're a distraction
And maybe I was the one who woke up

I snapped.

Yes, a nuisance
A worthless piece of annoyance
Ready to ruin a life so young,
so fragile.
Prepared to break a perfectly whole heart,
to cut the wings of a freely floating angel.

*A distraction, a distraction, a distraction

"I have loved a girl
whose mind is chaotic
she cannot decide on who to be with
but i still adored her dark side
even when it was so hard to keep up
she changes faster than a sunset
but loves deeper than the endless horizon
she is happy when i am happy
we were one
and we were in love"

I don't want to lose you
I don't need to hold onto something
that isn't gonna last
I don't want to hurt you
To let go now wouldn't be easy
but just when I am about to -
Your whole existence blocks the view
of endings and sadness,
and replaces them with
escape and bliss