Seeing a person
vanish
from paradise
to inferno,
from extreme gladness
to transcendent disappearance -
would make you see how sublime
they look in their darkness,
and it would make you realize
how much you can adore
one
person
so
so
so
*much

Of all the stories that ended,
who am I to think ours wouldn't?
Of all the tragic love that has happened,
what is ours compared to all of them?

All I know is that I'm hoping
that ours won't be the same
Like the stars that are fading
time and time again.

i have so many realizations during the day and sometimes im too lazy to write them all down but surely, my princess, they are all thoughts of you and your lips, your chest and your thighs, your whole system, baby. i really feel like i miss you and i think and think about everything and it always comes down to you and how our love died and yours faded but mine still has its game on. im sorry i cannot quit, my love. it has been over six months and i need six years more. maybe a decade or beyond. maybe i can never really move on and spend all my days without you and talking to God and tell Him everyday how i cannot feel His presence with me. i loved a girl once, and that, for me, has always been enough.

I will never
I remember that day fresh
I never assumed, nor did I beg for it
I can never

we could be anywhere,
i'd learn to drive by next month
i would bring you to places
we have never been in

we could be anyone
i'd be yours if you want me to
i would show you the sides
we have never seen

we could be anything
i'd be a slave as i already am
i would let you hear the music
we have never heard

how can you enjoy if endings are all you think of?
i dont know,
i guess i never thought
of cherishing every moment
i never thought of having fun
maybe because
i want
hard
painful
destructive*
love

since you already reminded me,
i am going to love you
like i have never been broken

you don't have to heal me
not because you already did
but because it isn't your duty

you don't have to make me forget
not because it's working
but because i am not to be kept

you don't have to give me solace
not because you already have
but because just staring at you all my days

- from five distances,
ten hours in twenty-four -

can already make me happy,
can already make me lay down
all the chances
i have on you.

I think love is smiling the moment you close your eyes,
just because you can see her lids closed,
you can feel her skin fold of lips on yours

I think love is when you're too scared to even risk being seen,
when you're too brave to kiss her in a nosy crowd,
when you're afraid the people might steal the magic

I think love is when you're wide awake at 2:30 AM,
but at the same time, wanting to sleep;
to dream of her scent, her body and the way she holds you

I think love is forever hoping for the flawless spark,
waiting for gravity to squeeze the distance between your souls,
expecting that she is patient about you too

Love, for you and I, was tears for thinking
that somebody else might touch you;
that somebody else might have you, take you

We ignited in that spark
We hoped for that combustion and it came

everyday i would receive these pretty things and i would not accept them because i always want the worst

who acts as barricades,
protecting their angel
- who does not want to see her hurt,
those who embrace her wings

- who thinks she can never fly by herself
- who thinks she is too weak to handle pain

look again;
you have a brave girl right in front of you,
vulnerable and ready-stand
to experience hurt
and breaking

open and ready to fight
for the greatest love she'll ever find

You are my oceans and seas
my flowers and bees
the joyous swaying trees
and all the present wind breeze

You are the hundred reasons of singing
you keep my hope hanging
you are the strummed strings
and all those pretty little things

I'll dry your tears when you're crying
though your thoughts are closed
and your moons be hiding
I'd still be here, darling

You make love sound like fiction
it seems unreal, and patiently
you put me in a dimension
where everything is placed perfectly

And then that world slows down
Your stars are dangling low now
Reaching for me, keeping me sound
In our universe, you're all I found.

You want to know a secret, darling?
You're the one who keeps me breathing.
But stay quiet about it,
they might take you from me.

love is a sacrifice.
and sacrifice is the only thing stronger than love.

I forced myself
to sleep early last night
I dozed off right after I
thought of you

I woke up and you
were lying beside me
it was strange
You weren't here

go, just leave!
why am i saying this?
you left me once
i think i could do it again!

i am screaming but
i cant hear myself

you were about to
walk out the door
but i slammed it back
leave!

you went upstairs
almost closed the door
open it!
for ***** sake! open it!

no, you said
i dont have anyone right now
that got me
You have everything!

while you took away mine

i forced the door open
i saw you standing, scared?
baby, dont be afraid
I love-

you kicked me
and i am out of your life again.

i went home with your scent
don't ask me what my words meant
i want to say it, but i cant
three words, softly written

is this the right moment?
tell me what you are waiting for
you have fixed all my dents*
you've proven, now i want more.

I don't want a lavish celebration. I don't need new dresses, new shoes. I want you to be happy that I accomplished these kind of things. I want you to pray to Him and say thank you for everything He has given. I want you to smile and say things like you mean it. I just want you to be proud of me.

Against all odds, remember?*
from then on, you started talking like all of them.

i'd like to take a chance but there is always a fault between our stars

I never really ruled the world
it was never mine to hold
will never be mine to cherish
will never be mine to kiss.

Though I can inhale
I can breathe
My body is working
I can move my feet
My mind is present
I can be what I was meant
I have been given a life to live
I have been given something
to call a home
A home which I can never really own.

i had a glass of wine
i drank it all, and never changed my mind
i didn't stop, because why would i?
if your kisses were my wine

i had a cup of tea
i poured my all in you, only to find it empty
i didn't stop, because why would i?
if you, my dear, were my tea

i want to love you so much i'd shove all the others away.

i know you care and i can see it when you stare. you stare for a little while and gaze on others again, but thats okay because i still know you care. you just have to know - and i always let you know - that im not like them. im not sad everyday, i am sad today. i even think this heartbreak would last more than today. today is a long time, you see. im sorry i make you sad and i know that. i tend to do that to people and i hate it.. i'll leave you from now on, if thats what you want. i dont leave unless told, you know me. i hope you'll push me away. i think i can handle that

I know it gets sad
when I don't think the waves
will ever come back to shore,
at least not the way
it did the first time.

I know it gets sad
when I don't think hope is still
lingering around me
waiting to be found

I know it gets sad
when I start to think
of how Rose lived,
grew old, but
never got to be with Jack again

I know it gets sad
when I remember how
we used to say
"You're my Allie."

Now, will you be my Allie?
Come back after seven years
engaged and in love with another
but in the end, we'll always be together

I know it gets sad
when I pray and beg
to anyone who's listening up there
please, please, stop this

It gets sad a lot nowadays
Some say it'll be okay
Maybe it got better for them
but not for me
Never for me
it always gets sad

today i decided i want to live in your eyes
stay in your arms
and be with your light

let us drive for a while
love a bit,
kiss a bit,
but nothing more than this

let us be this for a while
assume i am too broken
assume i am shattered
to love more than this

we can be happy,
we are.
we can stay,
i will.

*let me hear you breathe over the silence we make. somehow everything seems right again.

how will i know you?
if you are here, but i dont have a clue
yes i feel but what does it mean
when endings are all i have seen?

how will i know you?
how dare you lay down your own hues
you let people color my days
but after a while let them fade

how will i know you?
you control my life without a cue-
on where i shall start ceasing to feel
you adorn my life, knowing that it's real

how will i know you?
if you would introduce yourself
as the scent that lingers on me everyday
and with that one smile that lightens up my day

we walked along that street,
you took my hand,
held my hips
and kissed my lips

i will never kiss another
i believed it, you see
i knew you weren't lying
i knew how much you loved me

we walked along that street,
your street,
i decided to name it after you
it holds me still as i try to grasp my light

do you think our children will see this?
i watched you walk home
and pictured you in a dress we saw before
i bet they never will

we walked along that same street,
the same date,
only you were different

we didnt hold hands
you dont put your arms around my hips anymore
not even a goodbye kiss was given.
maybe we were scared of how much we both knew it wouldnt last,
how much we knew it was our last.

When I try to sleep it off,
it makes me wonder more
Can I stop now?
Yes, but I don't want to.

When I do sleep it off,
the dreams intrigue me more
Does this mean anything?
No, it just so happens that I think of you more often now.

When I say I don't need it to mean something
I need it to stay like this
Nothing more, nothing less
We'll get there.

When I say I want it to mean something
I want it to be like this
More than this
We'll get there.

Unlike the stories I have heard,
I hope this will never end.

It's wrong when people say
Love doesn't usually come our way
It's always here, let it remain
Twas there for a while, even if it is gone
So why wonder who will love you tomorrow
if yesterday already took away your sorrow

i know how you look at your friends and thats not how you look at me
i know how you talk to them too
and you cant even stare straight into my eyes
maybe thats why you cant see

i know how you hold their hands
i know how you whisper to them
i dont like that feeling, i tell you
it's just not right to feel something for you at all

it's alright, dont stare.
i watch you everyday sweetheart

if i give much to you, would you hold her safe?
if i hand this much to you, would you keep a promise?
that whenever too much happens, you'll caress her face
and tell that you'll never let her little love go to waste.

She lives the life of me
waiting for it to end
How easy life would be
if only she was dead.

If you could only see me think of you when I am drunk, then we would both know how real this is.

I don't want to lose you
I don't need to hold onto something
that isn't gonna last
I don't want to hurt you
To let go now wouldn't be easy
but just when I am about to -
Your whole existence blocks the view
of endings and sadness,
and replaces them with
escape and bliss

Last night I found a letter
you wrote me a year ago.
You sounded so in love.
every word was
full of promise, full of hope.

I want to help myself-
stop the tears from falling,
but what is it with you
and your lies
that make me stay everytime

even if there's nothing
to stay with anymore

Everytime I tell myself
to get over it
that I've had enough
you're gone now

I should be over it
I should be happy now
It has been months
and I know my sanity
will be taken away from me

if this lasts a year
        a decade
           maybe for a lifetime

Nights like this
seems to be happening
a lot
  more than a lot

Nights like this
seems to be happening
every
    single
       night

I have been to a few places in this lifetime. Very few, in fact, for someone who has this huge, innate desire to travel the world. I was about five when I started going to school. I didn’t last a week. I was there for three days, the daycare. I couldn’t stand it.

My dad liked driving us to vacation spots every summer. Or whenever Holy Week comes, and we need to go to at least seven churches. I was thirteen when I transferred schools. I hated it, of course. I was never into school, though I never actually failed a course. In that ugly city, I loved you. It was where we met, and I think I would have hated it much more if you weren’t there. We used to kiss in bathroom stalls, in your room, in our friend’s brother’s room -- I loved you there, too.

It was my first time being up in a Ferris wheel the night you left. I loved you there, as much as I wanted to push away the new you and pull out the old you when we reached the peak of the ride. I loved you there so much that it hurt. I went to university at sixteen. I was alone in a city full of dreams. I saw you everywhere even though you were never there.

At this point, I know -- I just do -- I can love you anywhere.

there is never a perfect night
only a perfect moment
only a perfect photo
only a perfect laughter
only a perfect embrace
only a perfect smile
only a perfect drink
only a perfect joke
only a perfect kiss
only a perfect cry
only a perfect speech
only a perfect word
only a perfect promise
only a perfect love

but never a perfect night

in times like this – when i want to tell you a story, something, maybe every detail of today – where should i go?

i shouldn't – in all sense of the phrase – make it to you. i shouldn't. but this is it.

this is the snow from the road i managed to shovel aside;

this is the coffee i never intended on spilling (maybe i did want it to happen, deep inside of me there was an urge – maybe once, twice, multiple times);

these are the words i tried to stop from spewing.

so if you're reading this, i'm sorry – i expected this, though i never intended to – i miss you.

How was your day? I hope it was bad. I hope nobody gave you flowers, nor chocolates, nor made you happy. Or better yet, I hope someone did, and then I passed your mind - just a little. Like tiny ants, creeping in, slowly, and then all at once - ultimately ruining the soft sweetness.

I hope you had the worst day.

We were kids.
I am getting the feeling that I would say that one day.
Defense mechanism, I think, I could develop.
It is in the back of my mind.
It would be a shame to say, I know.
I would degrade all my relationships into something so small, so inconvenient, so… young, that it would mean nothing at all.

We were kids.
And I did not know what I was doing.

We were kids.
And I wasn’t supposed to fall in love at that age, and maybe I wasn’t.
Maybe I was merely confused, driven by trends, and friends, and hormones, and the idea of falling in love.
Maybe I was teaching myself, trying to make ourselves believe - both you and I - that we were in love, that this is love, in one way or another; but perhaps, in all ways, we just were not.

We were kids.
And now I’ve grown into something far more beautiful than being young.

I am in this place now, where nothing is wrong, and if there is, it is not about you anymore.
I am in this place now, where things are not as big as they seem, so when they topple all over me, I get hurt but do not cry anymore.
I am in this place now, where youth is vintage, forgetting is easy.
I am in this place now, beyond somewhere I could have imagined when I was daydreaming at fifteen - inside a classroom, passing notes in Math class.
I am in this place now, where I could say that it was foolish and exhilarating and beautiful.

We were kids. We were just kids.
(I made myself believe that.)