there is something about that moment-
when i first called you for the sake of endearment,
when i met your eyes while i was in front of the whole class -
they were transparent, like looking at a glass

and it was open for me,
whole, not shattered; ignited
it was attracting me to see
it was screaming something that needs to be said

there is something about those butterflies-
you see, i had a first love: poetic love,
but never this romantic;
like everything is real and without lies

but in our skies,
we meet but can never collide.
in our skies, my dear,
you are there and i am here.

i'd like to take a chance but there is always a fault between our stars

my fingers intertwine with yours-
so suddenly that you make it feel like
accidents like that happen everyday.

two months tomorrow, still you keep me out of my sorrow. darling i just want you to know that for you i am grateful

two months tomorrow, still you keep me distracted. darling i just want to say that if it werent for you i'd have ran away

two months tomorrow, thats what it took for me to know a piece of you and you, a part of me.

i'd like to share more memories, but know that i am contented and happy with whatever you keep on giving me

for every second of every day, you make me feel happy. for every second of every day, you make me feel loved.

for every day, Ezmo, you are with me. and i am grateful.

let us drive for a while
love a bit,
kiss a bit,
but nothing more than this

let us be this for a while
assume i am too broken
assume i am shattered
to love more than this

we can be happy,
we are.
we can stay,
i will.

*let me hear you breathe over the silence we make. somehow everything seems right again.

I will never
I remember that day fresh
I never assumed, nor did I beg for it
I can never

Another day bound to an end
The questions still hovering
So I thought of asking Him
Give it when I reach ten

One, I search for your eyes
Two, they cannot meet mine
Three, Four, my head hits wood
Five, and now I shall wait
Six, your voice so pleasant to hear
Seven, Eight, for God's sake come near
Ni- "are you okay?"

Your face just inches above mine
Dear, come closer, I'll let you know
It was fate that brought you here
Now I see why I shouldn't let go.

Nobody warned
It could be this
Close, this strong; that
Over the distances
Love could be painted and the
Epitome of what we started could

Destroy our chaos,
Embarking in our minds that
Love could still be here and will
Always be here

Come closer,
Reality will hit us one day but
Unfortunately for the stars, my love
Zenith found its way to us

Real, tell me
And I will
Make sure that nothing
In this world, not the bumpy
Rails and barricades of
Every tragic incident we have made, could disturb our
Zen.

then you came and words didnt have to rhyme anymore. they just fell in the right scattered places.

everyday i would receive these pretty things and i would not accept them because i always want the worst

your baby girl cried tonight
the vibrations she made were quiet
she wants you to know how unbecoming it is as you said
youre okay, sleep tight

daddy make me go out
i am caged in this
i still cant figure it out
but i know it's not what my soul needs

i find war in every story
i am unwell,
this is love,
this is hell

i can feel everything giving up on me
i saw how she smiled today
but i still worry, you see
she said she'll never be okay

i am more than these bones,
i am less than these words
i feel shame,
just wish she would feel the same

i am weak and my mind is chaotic
i hope she would come home
i am strong and my body is sick
i hope she would come home

i feel loved, i feel alone. i wish you would come home.

i woke up wanting to kiss you
i woke up with palpitations, if thats what theyre called
i woke up losing my stomach
i woke up wanting to go to hell

i know you care and i can see it when you stare. you stare for a little while and gaze on others again, but thats okay because i still know you care. you just have to know - and i always let you know - that im not like them. im not sad everyday, i am sad today. i even think this heartbreak would last more than today. today is a long time, you see. im sorry i make you sad and i know that. i tend to do that to people and i hate it.. i'll leave you from now on, if thats what you want. i dont leave unless told, you know me. i hope you'll push me away. i think i can handle that

we walked along that street,
you took my hand,
held my hips
and kissed my lips

i will never kiss another
i believed it, you see
i knew you weren't lying
i knew how much you loved me

we walked along that street,
your street,
i decided to name it after you
it holds me still as i try to grasp my light

do you think our children will see this?
i watched you walk home
and pictured you in a dress we saw before
i bet they never will

we walked along that same street,
the same date,
only you were different

we didnt hold hands
you dont put your arms around my hips anymore
not even a goodbye kiss was given.
maybe we were scared of how much we both knew it wouldnt last,
how much we knew it was our last.

i know how you look at your friends and thats not how you look at me
i know how you talk to them too
and you cant even stare straight into my eyes
maybe thats why you cant see

i know how you hold their hands
i know how you whisper to them
i dont like that feeling, i tell you
it's just not right to feel something for you at all

it's alright, dont stare.
i watch you everyday sweetheart

my thoughts were clear until i wrote them
and then they werent again

maybe we were too crazy about each other that we needed time apart to appreciate the people around us.

i dont even have nice words and poems that rhyme;
im sorry i still cant live up to your expectations even if you dont need me to anymore

i saw your words today
im sorry i almost cried
i dont want to remember you this way
believe me, i cant stop

i saw your words today
how are you darling?
im sorry, but there is no way
that i could get to you

you remember our last day?
when i kissed your face and said
i'll miss you forever
and i waited
and waited
and waited
and waited for a response

finally i heard you say
*i want you in my life,
but i just cant keep you anymore

how hard is it to be a land, really?
people make wars just to have you

once a friend asked
what is your home like?
and then i thought
what is it like?

it is where i loved
where i lived
all the things i keep
tis where i find more peace
and more chaos

it is who i love
who i lived with
all the people i adore
tis where i find more admiration
and more chaos

it is why i love
why i live
all the places i have been to
tis why i find more wonder
and more chaos

it is when i love
when i want to live
all the dates i died
tis why i find more serenity
and more chaos

but what was my home like?
was it ever happy,
and did it ever contain love?
or was it just chaos all in all?

i had a glass of wine
i drank it all, and never changed my mind
i didn't stop, because why would i?
if your kisses were my wine

i had a cup of tea
i poured my all in you, only to find it empty
i didn't stop, because why would i?
if you, my dear, were my tea

you should know that -
every time i take a shower,
or hold my hands just above my face,
whenever something is in front of me,

or when someone gets too close -
i cannot say it in a poetic way, but
i always find you there.

i have so many realizations during the day and sometimes im too lazy to write them all down but surely, my princess, they are all thoughts of you and your lips, your chest and your thighs, your whole system, baby. i really feel like i miss you and i think and think about everything and it always comes down to you and how our love died and yours faded but mine still has its game on. im sorry i cannot quit, my love. it has been over six months and i need six years more. maybe a decade or beyond. maybe i can never really move on and spend all my days without you and talking to God and tell Him everyday how i cannot feel His presence with me. i loved a girl once, and that, for me, has always been enough.

i open my eyes and see
the sun shining down on me
no; directly on my bed,
where i first kissed your forehead

i take a shower and feel
the water pouring down on me
no; directly on the ground
and i can still hear your sound

i search for my clothes and find
you sitting by my side
no, you're not here, not anymore
and it still makes my heart sore

i laugh with him and think about
all the times you were with me
no, i shouldn't be like this
you should be long gone to me

but no, you see, my heart is
the one that is gone from me
yes, i love you still, sweetheart
please come back, come back to me

I think love is smiling the moment you close your eyes,
just because you can see her lids closed,
you can feel her skin fold of lips on yours

I think love is when you're too scared to even risk being seen,
when you're too brave to kiss her in a nosy crowd,
when you're afraid the people might steal the magic

I think love is when you're wide awake at 2:30 AM,
but at the same time, wanting to sleep;
to dream of her scent, her body and the way she holds you

I think love is forever hoping for the flawless spark,
waiting for gravity to squeeze the distance between your souls,
expecting that she is patient about you too

Love, for you and I, was tears for thinking
that somebody else might touch you;
that somebody else might have you, take you

We ignited in that spark
We hoped for that combustion and it came

this might sound different to you
for it is coming from my lips
you haven't seen my point of view
so i wrote - something to start with

let me begin with your eyes
she is covered with paintings of
how they cried for the boy who lied
she thinks they never really shine

i have heard her talk with despise
of your arms, your chest, of your thighs
how imperfect your skin is
how uncontrollable she is

she says our whole cannot be saved
she says our heart needs to be loved
that's what your life can only be
adored by the only one who sees

she envies the body she wants
you envy the stories you read
you only see her in darkness
created special by chaos

she blocks the noise with loud screaming
captures the sound of you laughing
only to see you watching her
delete them in times of crying

but do not let her be your fear
show her you can endure the tears
be the leader to her servants
be the one who gives her commands

be strong, be brave
be she,
be her,
the girl you've always wanted to be

that, is something to start with.

i wonder if you wonder
does she write me poems
and sing me lullabies
even when i am not home?

i wonder if you wonder
is she okay?
she told me more than once
she cant live without me

is she okay? do you ask yourself
and wonder what i am now
without you here?

you are still my zing
my one and only
the best and worst thing
thats ever happened to me

you are my angel
you are my butterfly
you taught me to fly
but not in hell

you are the spark
you are the haven
you put me in the dark
but also put an end

now i am in the dark again.

you drilled a hole in my heart
and left it there
     naked
       open
         vulnerable

You were the Jason
to my Colbie
I fell in love
and considered myself lucky

You became the Clark
to my Lois
you saved me
and turned light to dark

Then you taught me
to fly and be better
Like Wendy
and her Peter

Like Edward to his Bella
as cheesy as it sounds
I thought it was forever
Like Ethan and Lena

But light wasn't
supposed to last
Right now I don't even know
if it ever lasts

Though Jack and Rose's
lasted for a lifetime
I am still wishing
and waiting for our time

to come again.

And so you will become
the Paige to my Leo
the Jenny to my Forrest
and soon, I hope

the Allie to my Noah.

I forced myself
to sleep early last night
I dozed off right after I
thought of you

I woke up and you
were lying beside me
it was strange
You weren't here

go, just leave!
why am i saying this?
you left me once
i think i could do it again!

i am screaming but
i cant hear myself

you were about to
walk out the door
but i slammed it back
leave!

you went upstairs
almost closed the door
open it!
for ***** sake! open it!

no, you said
i dont have anyone right now
that got me
You have everything!

while you took away mine

i forced the door open
i saw you standing, scared?
baby, dont be afraid
I love-

you kicked me
and i am out of your life again.

one, we met
two, we talked
three, you looked into my eyes; you smiled and it felt different
four, talked on the phone
five, talked on the phone 'til midnight
six, i shared you my weaknesses and you told me your stories
seven, we watched movies
eight, i read you my poems
nine, we held hands
ten, you started calling me baby
eleven, you hugged me
twelve, you kissed me
thirteen*, fell completely, deeply, insanely, truly in love

She lives the life of me
waiting for it to end
How easy life would be
if only she was dead.

You told me before
you are my angel,
my love, my savior
and together we'll soar

Did you believe me when I
told you this that night:
to me you are the most
beautiful girl to ever exist

and i could not compare you
to anything in this world

On our last day you told me
*you were my angel,
my love, my savior
I'm sorry
   I made you soar
       alone

at first it was pink
the shyest color
let the feeling sink
you deserve to have more

then it turned yellow
a happy color
take away sorrow
plant me smiles once more

then red came along
the strongest color
'twas a good feeling
come on, love some more

you gave me words, too-
stored them in my core
-not one thing or two
but all hues and more

but love, as they tell,
may bring tears and pain
have i gone insane?
this is worse than hell

and so you brought me
black, white that i bore
you broke my heart, baby
i can't love no more

but i realized,
i was hurt and sore,
*got cuts from your lies,
but i couldn't have asked for more

Last night I found a letter
you wrote me a year ago.
You sounded so in love.
every word was
full of promise, full of hope.

I want to help myself-
stop the tears from falling,
but what is it with you
and your lies
that make me stay everytime

even if there's nothing
to stay with anymore

Everytime I tell myself
to get over it
that I've had enough
you're gone now

I should be over it
I should be happy now
It has been months
and I know my sanity
will be taken away from me

if this lasts a year
        a decade
           maybe for a lifetime

Nights like this
seems to be happening
a lot
  more than a lot

Nights like this
seems to be happening
every
    single
       night

I know it gets sad
when I don't think the waves
will ever come back to shore,
at least not the way
it did the first time.

I know it gets sad
when I don't think hope is still
lingering around me
waiting to be found

I know it gets sad
when I start to think
of how Rose lived,
grew old, but
never got to be with Jack again

I know it gets sad
when I remember how
we used to say
"You're my Allie."

Now, will you be my Allie?
Come back after seven years
engaged and in love with another
but in the end, we'll always be together

I know it gets sad
when I pray and beg
to anyone who's listening up there
please, please, stop this

It gets sad a lot nowadays
Some say it'll be okay
Maybe it got better for them
but not for me
Never for me
it always gets sad

October, I sent you a story
out of the blue, I sang to you:
But now you left me to love another
You have shattered all my dreams

I sent my message but your mind tends
to block all the noises from my head
You were changing, as I have feared of
Never did I imagine this to happen

November, I sent you another story
I wanted to press your body onto mine
Instead I held your hands tight and hoped
You'd feel the intensity of my jealousy

We should have kissed more, you said
Believe me, I craved for your touch
You're the one who wasn't sure of me
The one who didn't understand that much

December, I begged you to stay
Did you not notice?
I fed you words
I gave you what I had

but it just wasn't enough, was it?