It doesn't matter there’s no air
And my hair is matted to my neck, a blonde mane beside my face
Because I catch you, don’t I? And you pass by a few times
I like where you find me when I’m unaware, in my wild uncensored state
You’ll have no idea how I seek you out
Because tonight I tell you no, and I take the throne
The beer in your hand and your knit sweater
Make you look like something older
With a sort of sleepy drunken smile, happy like a baby
My finger loved the stubble on your messy cheek
Within our effortless, accidental embrace
My body one among millions and yet somehow
Illuminated like nobody else’s
Everyone is asking now, because I’ve become quite the show.
A rush of newfound power and I’m immediately corrupted
Before, I was just an alien in that shaking body
But tonight I am the North Star, absolutely glistening
Coming into myself in an astonishing somehow
There was fallout from the ritual
When I spit that no off my tongue
I would have given you that sway you were looking for
I would have gave you something to wonder over
I would have given you a lot more than you know.
But I told you no
Just to go home and dream what would have happened if
I said yes.

Salt and sand all over my hands and in the air
Lending that tossed, windy texture to your hair
Sand covered wheels roll us down the boardwalk beside
The push and pull of wanting and waiting  blue waves
My fever and thrill so desperate to hold onto you
Burning and impulsive I ask you to bring me to life.

So the sun laid its hand on my scalp, gentle and beaming
Like the perfect roundness of your eyes, gentle and beaming
I absorb the heat from you both, a seaside pocket of heaven

To be a lover when the air is hot and the vibrant colors burn
To explore the world in the ****** of summer, passionately, together
Is the best way to get to know some one, you said to me.

The water lights up so stunning and bright in the midday heat
Like blinding diamonds across miles of blue disappearing edges
So perfect it makes me forget I am not new, nor the first to find you
But it’s impossible to harbor such feelings before a perfect dreamy horizon
So I let it all go,

I’m aware of what we are
What my hair, my lips, my eyes are all symbols of
Suns, moons, and stars from a world sister to ours
A world without the structure and friction these people know

With you I’m unafraid to take this world, to claim that I belong here
To kiss your lips on the boardwalk, to wear my hair down in the wind
To show my skin under the sunlight, to lift up my arms and beam
One person can ******* alive, one summer, one bright beachy day.

Love spilling off his lips,
The taste of accomplishment.
I did what I had to.
I sat in the garden while it rained,
Just to be there when the sun arrived.
I lived and was alive,
In the home his arms built around me.

He was all it took.
The wind that made my waves
The moon that moved my tides,
And I never want to lose.

Sun kissed senses,
Peeling off the dead skin
Of bad memories.
Foolish flower, had to start all over.
Older than anyone else your age
Old soul and growing older
Climbing walls, whispering thunder.
Always knew the same blue green water.

Sore but all the wiser,
His wave will always move me.

We circle around you in absolute awe
Adoring your every murmur
Loving you so completely, almost jealous
Wishing we could be so fresh.
I gather you in my hands, an infant saint
You embrace me with innocent reciprocation
Finding sleep easy in my trusted arms.
Not by genetics, but by love, I guard you
Playing mother for the needs you cannot speak.

Now is your beginning, the slow decline of your novelty.
More perfect now than you ever will be,
Rolling around softly in your untried possibilities
Smiling laughing at nothing, everything
You stare out at us whole hearted with wonder.

But one day, you will no longer need to be mothered.
You’ll stretch out your limbs to leave,
Learn the words to wish me goodbye.
We’ll ship you out, a predestined bundle of reeds
Out to float the river, and find a wife to replace me.
It stings to imagine you then, heavy with age.
I wish you would forsake tradition
And remain a tiny ornament of this family
An emblem of purity against the contemporary.

I know you will outgrow your nurturer
But someday I will be the one in need, helplessly tired
And then you will be to me, what I once was to you
The child will become the giver, the plant become the seed.

You are autumn to me
Orange brown and burgundy
A breath between the heat and the freeze.
Warm enough to melt me into softness
But cold enough to keep me quite alive.
You are a falling asleep,
With the intention of a new awakening.
You are an icon of style,
Effortlessly thoughtful
A medium of practicality and luxury.
You are a narcotic spell,
Spices from a native blend
Something I breathe in,
And it completely changes me
Before I breathe it out again.
You are a season to me
And I click over a bead,
Counting.

My face is numb from smiling like I found the whole truth
My heart’s your tiny dancer, all pirouetting around its thoracic cage
All lit up like New Year’s Eve, all twirling and careless like a rich girl
If we dance slow I’ll whisper you something epic, a stolen Shakespeare quote
Cameras rolling over our shoulders for a glimpse at the panoramic love
Because it’s all about to happen, like a long awaited legalization, a celebration
I lay out a stage for you, an invitation to make me a star
Because you’re just so smooth, Smooth like it comes to you naturally
Smooth like you know something I don’t, like you have it all figured out
Like when you’re standing front and center in your slacks and blazer,
Seeming like you’re so much older
You wield our tender attention spans, and prey on my weakness for romance
Like only you know how to do.
My mind is your magnifying glass, faithfully interpreting every bit of you
I have seen in you my every need from the existential to the animalistic
I’m hungry anxious and unpredictable as unlit fireworks
I just wait for the day.

Let's talk  about your dreams
Let's quilt a blanket for me.
So lovely to lay down inside
So warm to be wrapped up.

The colors your made up of
Shine on everything I see,
The difference between
What has happened
And what will be.

Grow me in your garden,
I'd love to sip your sunshine
To bloom and breathe.

Coming to pass
Is love, At last-
The footsteps of the future fast.

Drip your risk free
Down on me,
Cause I am always thirsty.

Have been digging day and night
To find your golden heart.
The splendor of it lit fires,
That never glowed before.

I can feel your features from far away,
And I can see it when you speak.
Always welcome beside me,
Within without around me.

In your shining golden auburn
Soft and dangling free,
I see reflected in each strand
The comfort  lavished  in me.
Freedom finally,
From worries put to rest
Mirrored among the millions
Of glistening golden threads.

Staring in,
I reminisce
Soaking up the songs
Of our vacationing hearts.
Intangible in beauty bright,
And rich in graceful charm.

But that surrogate we cherished,
Has vanished since our songs drowned out.
He is asleep inside that memory sweet,
Warmed up by a blanket of  dust.
That surrogate we both enjoyed,
Nourished our starving souls
Because we could not be alone.

In your shining golden auburn,
Through silence you still care.
Together, we wont sigh his absence,
But preserve our souls from dying vacant.

Lovely body, liquid heavy
How I'd love to soak beside you.
Star struck at your floating eyes,
Wet secrets swimming round inside.
Emerald, let me echo clean across,
And weave myself within you.

A hundred heart beats hug your shore
Trusting that in time we'll feel,
Reflecting colors burning bright.
Blue green angels light up and dance.
Savor your clean and misty breath,
Swinging through my silvery hair.

Come back, and make me glow again.
Emerald, you could never let me down.
I'll sit beside and watch all night,
In case you welcome me to swim.

Luscious green with gentle touch,
Perfect promise, we slowly rush.
Sweet on contentment and the thrill,
I've never felt peace glide like you.
Though some might say your not alive,
I'm waving, star struck floating eyes.

Eyes, spotless prisms of
Refracting light.
Hands, immovable columns
Of ageless stone.
Soul, a simmering hearth
Of softly beaming heaven.
I make you out to be,
Something so eternal.
I love you yet to be,
Anything less than enthralled.
Your novel florescence
Is never ending intrigue
For a washed out girl
Like me.

Suspended in a dusky spell,
I wait for all my worries
To come collect my night.
I look them in the eyes
And entertain their every possibility.
I accept them as my only friends
Frightening, yet so familiar.

I draw a lukewarm bath,
And let all things pass.
Chew on a mouthful of rotten fruit,
And consider the naivety with which
I labored away all my days
With sweat in my palms and bare feet
Rooted in dry, hopeless dirt
All for nothing.
An infinite, hollow, hateful nothing.

And to hear myself admit it,
Is like a quiet crushing.
A step in the snow
A fist full of foil
That undeniable sound
In absolute silence.
For nothing, for nothing, for nothing.

I let myself go,
And sink backwards into the mud.
“You have to do what you love.”
They say with a belly full of blood.
I'm disgusting.

Goodbye Strawberry Fields,
You were never even real.
Only an over ripened idea.
Velvet curves and craters
Of the dark blue depths
I only wish I knew you,
Never existed to be picked.
I only wish I knew you well,
Like other people do.
Seeds and leaves of hopes and dreams
Goodbye Strawberry Fields,
You were never even real.

I find safety in the darkness of the crowd
The cumulative hum is deafening until
My ears ring with incompetence for the sound
My hips are going in between the claps
And my legs burn from dancing too ferociously
Only flashes of light reveal my expression
Beaming with a misplaced innocence

I try to focus on his face only to find myself
Staring down black pupils like barrels of a gun
It’s been a long day, I’m clean out of epinephrine
It feels good to have your shoulder in my throat
To put my weight on something else and forget gravity
I’ve made an escape, the result of a good night
I find consolation in a repeated tomorrow

I catch a free ride and stumble into the city
By night I’m so much further than where I arose
Drifting unintentionally and forgetting all the rules
Always late to arrive and early to leave,
I’m never where you need me to be
Just a mind finite and floating
But if I lived as just a heart
As just a shrine for my soul to breathe
Then, I would be perfect.
It’s this bag of flesh that slows me down
Like an expiration date.

Wave of want, lets crash by chance
Extend, from one end to the next.
Extend, from sweet baking flesh.

Lucid daylight, why prance around
Why not enter in, and settle down?
Swell and gush, admit it to be known.
Eyes from the sky, bones like a statue
Everyone's chasing after you,
Yet I anticipate the love's all mine.

For so long we've played these nimble games
Fool for fancy, hypnotized by the hunt.
Give into me, stop your sweeping around.
Hands from the sky, please lay me down
Comfortable, but not enough to fall asleep.

Stay awake to watch and feed our dreams.
Just enough of everything.

Not quite lost, but wandering.
In the fog between two truths.
On the right is fortitude,
My only love for years.
And on the left,
Is all things new.
Perhaps a sunny day...
This or that to choose.

The mechanics of my mind,
Have never worked that way.
Decisions are not mine to make,
For they make me,
Eventually.

Limbo of contentment. In between.
Where I spend the day.
Until right or left makes me
Magnetized their way.

Hey Harmony,
Don't drop whats in your hand.
Because Harmony,
You couldn't go buy it again.
We'll be blended together
In symmetry soon,
Dear Harmony.
So give it to me to hold on to.
Believe it,
The sun will dry up what's left behind.
So release it,
The sun will dry up what's left behind.

Is it old age
To look back,
And be ashamed.
To have to make choices,
While others play games.

Put your head down,
And suffer.
Because it's too late,
To start over.

Feeding off a few laughs,
To keep you live and well.
Strive to keep peace of mind,
But silence soon prevails.

You'll be back and forth,
On your way to weakness.
Till wisdom wraps you forever.
As soon as you know,
It will all be over.

First page of the next chapter
Starts with a sunrise to myself
Glowing orange and pink and gold.
Moving through time, morphed into a daydream.
Sun tan kisses,
Long awaited wavy wishes.

Summers dawning just in time
And waiting on the other side,
Were warm, brown blooms 
Found for me to float upon.

Lake water landing, firm and easy.
Foxglove freedom, grew over all the grey.
Worries wilted, giving way
To liberated light.

Star gazer eyes that taste tomorrow,
Hold the hand of your marigold mermaid.
Learn to love her field wood freedom
And her lavender laugh.

Little lily touches
Inconsistent, yet assured,
Shoot their sparks
Up to all the spiraling stars.
The colors of the cosmos sunset overflow,
And bleed their glitter into tomorrow's morning.

With light feet, you trace the inside of your home
You forget that you are there to stay, and wander
You look up doll eyed, and wonder
Your head is so empty, completely floating
You lose yourself in the dreaming world.
You are so flighty, taken away on light a breeze
Your only aim in spoken by the heart
You know nothing of solid things
You have no idea of anything
You girl, you girl
Nothing is real in your world.
You've baked too long in the sun
Mind soaked too long in smoke
All is soft where you stay,
All is painted up and just to keep your concentration
You do nothing but feel and use your eyes.
All you can do is look, look, look,
Look on and smile, with a helpless little mind.

I tire so easily, falling into a conscious sleep
A painted face in front of a quiet void
I can feel you running up behind me,
Bringing with you a gush of fresh air
You exhaust me
Between loving and loathing you
Bitter that you are a trophy to this earth
I cannot resist the need to worship you
Enamored only because I cannot escape you
I synthesize all my energy into speech
Straining to choose words you would like to hear
For when I despair in you I seem to fall out through gravity
Who am I if not your faithful solar system
You are a pulsating warm body, and I am just your reflection
The bitter and the sweet pump through me like an icy burn
And inflate me till I stand once more.
You and your laurel,
You exhaust me.

I have an insatiable need
To be young.
I have an unquenchable thirst
to be thrilled.
I don't want to change the world.
But I'd to love lay upon its lawn,
And feel it spin beneath me.
An insignificant baby blossom
On its timeless rotating face.

I'd love to sleep through the freeze
And emerge in July.
A born again sun child
With soft skin and fresh eyes.
I 'd aspire only to simplicity.
Tell them all to go on without me
For I only aim to abide aimlessly
In the warm womb summer
Out of touch, and abandoned by time.

At sun dance my parade arrives,
White daisy chains accent my eyes.
My laughter and my love to buy,
For suitors and their hopeful prize.

In parables, the May Queen sings-
For princely dance and laurel rings.
What gold you'd give to hear me think,
Swell with chivalry or slowly shrink.

I have been preserved for righteousnesses.
But when novena days come to a rest,
At sun dance, love shall turn to life.
A May Queen, and ethereal wife.

Where the air is clean I can be alone, with you
Stretch my legs out over miles of wild woods
Let my hips sway and my hair fall down my back
Free to be a spirit to the fullest extent of this world
Tree trunk drums beat with a rhythm I learn to follow
Fresh air sweeps over my skin and blows into my lungs
Crisp and clean the highest leaves of the forest ceiling
Untouched by anything but sunlight and floating songs

We took no boat or train, but here we are somehow
For a mermaid to tell you to make a wish on a sea shell,
and throw it into the sea
Leading it down to the ocean floor where it can live forever
Changing green and blue while the sky burns red and orange
So we kiss in front of the sunset
Our face's silhouette large as the burning bulb over the horizon
I would not care if the water washed over my feet
and the rocks came out from beneath me
Everything is perfect here with you.

A quiet child in the backseat, with two lesbian mothers
A new age experiment with granola and ****
I can’t even edge my way into the conversation, I can’t even force it
I can’t understand why you leave so much empty space hanging around
I need someone to lessen the divide, someone I can see myself in

Someone who fills up all the space and doesn't care how
Someone who will feast and starve just to know the craving
Someone who wants a thrill, who wants to know all the ways we can feel
Someone who can match my steps as I walk home, no longer alone
Sharply aware of any creatures awake in the dark, because we’re one of them
With some kind of tropical taste in my mouth even in the dead of winter

I have the empty squares on the calendar to look forward to; I have time to find you.

I don’t fuss
For once
I let the wind blow my hair away
I let myself look like a fool
I let my skin feel cold
And I enjoy it
Today, I am not in a hurry
For the first time
The rain touches me like a mother

It’s my last day for this race
I do not pull away from the night
I do not draw back from the moon
I let the world push on,
Push over me
Leave me
behind

I looked up at the night and saw the stars
All waltz down in a resigned unity
Falling slowly as if in a rain
Stars set in motion like ships in the sky
They were planets, dendrites
They took the shape of many things.
Disastrous, graceful, but I was unafraid.
I beheld an effigy. Endless, proud, and floating
Sheer and illuminated in the gleam of it all.

Stationed from my watch, I wondered.
I appraised my worth against this sight
Taken by the hand, I was pulled away
And realized  I am completely helpless.
Unimpassioned, I let the days melt away
Time stood still, but was all used up
I watched and watched, it was the end.

I could hear the bombs and feel the flashbacks
I was a fighter, but the battle was stale.
The moon was neon, teased and stretched like elastic
Bitter with the competition,
He was desperately pleading with me
Saying, go to bed.

Steaming up warm between thermal arms.
All alone, perfectly together.
Out in the middle of the cold dark blue,
Peppermint stars in the chocolate sky.
Ascend on the cloud of fog from our breath,
Silky dreams raise me up,
Mellow moon basking.
Spin me around
Smooth me down
Grooves fitting into creamy cracks
Like a gift in a box.
Blending new colors,
Inventing new thoughts.
Melting down onto the cotton beneath me,
Seeing such sights.
Peppermint stars in the chocolate sky,
Resting into their puzzle piece places.
Alone together,
In the cold decline of day.
Steaming up warm.

Leaves of brown, petals unwound
I shrivel in your awkward shadow.
Had to pluck your roots, snap your stems.
Drown you out with dirt, and other seeds.

But somehow, you spring up again.
Desperately ugly and undead.
Even Earth had to regurgitate
That unsightly, darkened head.

Stubborn smog won't turn to vapor,
Not even seasons wilt your verdure.
Rivalries rage, with out any shame.
What has been done, remains.

I only wish to reconpense,
Though undeserving and unfit.
Every little luck,
I would give them all up,
Just for that one pure kiss.
His pure sweet bride,
I long to be.
His, and his alone.
All pure sweet brides,
I envy thee.
For you posses,
The most immaculate of gifts
Most coveted of all my dreams,
The lily fields of continence.
Eternally I will be
Sorrowing my stains
And grieving my lost gifts,
Never to be given again.

Estates within the woods, serene with sun.
Warm air, and white prim rose dresses.
Secrets dropped between blades of grass.
Hidden, lost in summer.
But, if asked just right,
Politely and precise,
They will bloom for you.
Quaint little used to be's.
Who used to beat
My heart.

Memories.

Back yard lawn chair, of crisp yellow and white.
Which once upon an unknowingly historic time,
Embraced the body heat
Of that King.
And his miniature kingdom,
Within me.

Lovingly.

It was Summer at the Racquet Club Estates.
His last Summer,
A chance to breathe alive.
Our Last debate,
A heart's final try.
Quaint little used to be.
Who used to beat
My heart.

Goodbye.

I go outside
To roam the Earth.
To absorb the air,
And watch it turn dark.

There,
I see the most beautiful things.
Glowing golden lights
And their purple reflections.
The sound of chimes
In every direction.

I come to understand
This engagement of mine.
This soul deep devotion
To which I have grown,
So unshakably attached.

I go outside
To absorb the air,
And watch it turn dark.
I see the most beautiful things.
A reassurance and relief
Prompts me to believe,
Such a soul deep devotion
Must cling to me forever.
In this faith and fate,
I am renewed.

I leave the door open
I make plans for you
An imaginary correlation, an absent importance
I revel in the moment I catch your eye
And lasso it in like a blue rose in the desert
We smile
Reserved, empty of ambition
We silently say,
I know your there.
And I know your there.
I acknowledge that you exist

Even from far away,
I can tell you smell like fresh air
Time beneath the western sun
Has contoured your face, and lit up your hair
You sit back as if you’re a portrait,
A wild horse I would never restrain.

The little fact that you exist excites me
Please stay somewhere on this Earth
We leave space in between us
Somewhere for our thoughts to go
You send me waves through the dry air
Wordless pronunciations
I will never touch you
I just like to know you’re alive
Indifferent, yet completely saturated in your image.

Tangled coral finger
Disappear and reappear at ease
Playing with the thick silk sea.
You are so charcoal and gray.
But some day, all yellow and blue to me.

I know you are so clean-
I tell her to come into me.
Braid your beating green to life
Intimate and innocent
Arches and Arches of endless
Green.
You have always been so clean,
Lukewarm sea spray queen.

Call me home, and I wonder how
I always forget.
I disappear, but you endure.
Growing and revolving
Dying for my eyes to arrest your motion.
So you can rest, a still life.
Arches and arches of endless
Green, surround me.