A quiet child in the backseat, with two lesbian mothers
A new age experiment with granola and ****
I can’t even edge my way into the conversation, I can’t even force it
I can’t understand why you leave so much empty space hanging around
I need someone to lessen the divide, someone I can see myself in

Someone who fills up all the space and doesn't care how
Someone who will feast and starve just to know the craving
Someone who wants a thrill, who wants to know all the ways we can feel
Someone who can match my steps as I walk home, no longer alone
Sharply aware of any creatures awake in the dark, because we’re one of them
With some kind of tropical taste in my mouth even in the dead of winter

I have the empty squares on the calendar to look forward to; I have time to find you.

I find safety in the darkness of the crowd
The cumulative hum is deafening until
My ears ring with incompetence for the sound
My hips are going in between the claps
And my legs burn from dancing too ferociously
Only flashes of light reveal my expression
Beaming with a misplaced innocence

I try to focus on his face only to find myself
Staring down black pupils like barrels of a gun
It’s been a long day, I’m clean out of epinephrine
It feels good to have your shoulder in my throat
To put my weight on something else and forget gravity
I’ve made an escape, the result of a good night
I find consolation in a repeated tomorrow

I catch a free ride and stumble into the city
By night I’m so much further than where I arose
Drifting unintentionally and forgetting all the rules
Always late to arrive and early to leave,
I’m never where you need me to be
Just a mind finite and floating
But if I lived as just a heart
As just a shrine for my soul to breathe
Then, I would be perfect.
It’s this bag of flesh that slows me down
Like an expiration date.

My face is numb from smiling like I found the whole truth
My heart’s your tiny dancer, all pirouetting around its thoracic cage
All lit up like New Year’s Eve, all twirling and careless like a rich girl
If we dance slow I’ll whisper you something epic, a stolen Shakespeare quote
Cameras rolling over our shoulders for a glimpse at the panoramic love
Because it’s all about to happen, like a long awaited legalization, a celebration
I lay out a stage for you, an invitation to make me a star
Because you’re just so smooth, Smooth like it comes to you naturally
Smooth like you know something I don’t, like you have it all figured out
Like when you’re standing front and center in your slacks and blazer,
Seeming like you’re so much older
You wield our tender attention spans, and prey on my weakness for romance
Like only you know how to do.
My mind is your magnifying glass, faithfully interpreting every bit of you
I have seen in you my every need from the existential to the animalistic
I’m hungry anxious and unpredictable as unlit fireworks
I just wait for the day.

A woman with her arms out wide, as if suspended in the sky
For that one final moment before the crash
The physics and theology I can’t understand
She doesn't come to end me,
But to rescue me.
I am so overdone,
And just want to be silenced
I’m asking for her finger on my lips
I’m asking for a nurturer, a place to sleep
I try to tell her I've loved her all along
I put away the lies I've learned, the lives I've led
She takes me home to forgive me forever
To a place where I can find that quiet hymn
Where time is just a myth,
And I can finally be put to rest.

I’m working to unwrap you slowly
To form you up like a theory
To create a habitat for you in my head
My steps grow wider when I see you at the end
Lying, lounging, an old lion
Afternoon sun low and tired
Rays and shadows streak the road like enveloping arms
As I grow closer, you project even further away
I just long to reach you
Rest my head against your ***** and
Sleep against your softness like a pile of feathers
To rest at last.

But at times I think I’ll never reach you,
As I approach you reflect even further away
I wonder that this road is endless, thinning into the distance
The black wires radiate into the air above me
Mutating my simple DNA into something else entirely
A sole purpose survivor, a solider
The cause is more desperate now
They’re buzzing to each other above my head, talking about me
Their scrutiny banging between my ears
The dust becomes a new layer of me, with incredible thirst
Just fields of dehydrated dandelions, just nothing

They soak up the liquid from everything
With their chemical and electrical waves
The fields are screeching as they shrivel up, like dying children
Now it’s all yellow, beige, and far away
It’s all so tiny against the horizon,
For all I know, your silhouette has become a statue by now
Just this long stripe of dirt I treat like a passageway
Just a ladder to a final place of rest
I’m desperate for a stop in my trudging motion
But I know I can’t lie down in this unworthy sand.

It doesn't matter there’s no air
And my hair is matted to my neck, a blonde mane beside my face
Because I catch you, don’t I? And you pass by a few times
I like where you find me when I’m unaware, in my wild uncensored state
You’ll have no idea how I seek you out
Because tonight I tell you no, and I take the throne
The beer in your hand and your knit sweater
Make you look like something older
With a sort of sleepy drunken smile, happy like a baby
My finger loved the stubble on your messy cheek
Within our effortless, accidental embrace
My body one among millions and yet somehow
Illuminated like nobody else’s
Everyone is asking now, because I’ve become quite the show.
A rush of newfound power and I’m immediately corrupted
Before, I was just an alien in that shaking body
But tonight I am the North Star, absolutely glistening
Coming into myself in an astonishing somehow
There was fallout from the ritual
When I spit that no off my tongue
I would have given you that sway you were looking for
I would have gave you something to wonder over
I would have given you a lot more than you know.
But I told you no
Just to go home and dream what would have happened if
I said yes.

I soak you up
As If I could save you for later.
I know I won’t see you tomorrow,
And you look so handsome today.
The scruff on your neck
Leading the way down your unbuttoned chest
Your eyes all sparked up
From the brief spurts of sun
They all turn to stare out the steamed glass
But I remain fixated on those candle lit globes
You gaze out from behind them with utmost politeness
All white and glistening from withheld information
You smile as if it proved everything you feel
I ready myself for you, wishing for even just a whisper
But you only spit out those cliché fixes
So I make my way around again
I have number the last few visits we will have
And all I need is an answer, specifically, a yes.