your sweat reminds me of rain
the scent is deep and strong
you breathe a warm wind on my face
your lips touch my ear with a secret that isn't there
nothing is held back between us
the strings pull away the suitcases
and somehow we're free
you're studying my skin
as if your fingertips long for new territory
and mine has yet to be explored
but that gaze you lay with me
leaves me reminded that you've always needed this
and i've always needed this
you waste away
as my imagination wastes me
and we go back to our daily demons
grasping at the corner of a smile

it's a perfect little tragedy
a complicated coincidence
easy to think about
hard to explain
that the most awkward turn of events
begin to feel just fantastic enough
to make important things not matter as much
where does it go from here
200 miles north of here
right here when I come home
right here to the place
where it all started
that night that may never have happened
that night was what we needed
when the rest of the world was crashing down
around us

if my mouth
were ever to breathe
out
towards another
it would be yours

for all those words you say
i can only just hope
your mouth would follow through

but who knows when every other minute
is silence
and uncertainty

and, nowadays
mouths are only meant to be covered

pound the pavement
time is precious
life is short
whispers of existence are among us
no one seems to know they're there
yet gratitude still survives
and somewhere out there
a love holds strong
as long as it lives within each gift
each generation of cherishing that love
helps it live on

you are my
first cup of coffee, warmth in my belly, waking up my veins
you are my
sunset drive home, purple mountains surrounding, clouds heavy and smiling
you keep my
nose warm when i bury it in your chest
you meet my
sudden anxious entropy with a calm triumphant smile
you wear my
favorite smells and softness all over your shirt
you make my
nerves tingle when your breath washes over my skin
when the sun brightly begs through the window
for us to come out and play
you're what keeps me wrapped up in contented sighs
an excuse to be covered in you
when the trials of the day hit me from all angles
and all of my helping power is depleted
you, standing tall and strong,
recharge me

with everything that's happened
i hold this still to be true
i am like a tree
steady and strong
vulnerable and sad in the winter
my imperfections exposed
i drink too much coffee
i drink too much wine
i shiver and shake and let the wind push me around
and when the sun comes out
there's a strength that shines down on me
so that i can bloom and give and thrive
and you would never know the pain i've suffered
even if you chop me down
every bit of me has life and purpose
you can use me to mold and create
i will not cry, i will not mourn my own demise
for i have not yet met any such thing
i am like the house the tree created
unwavering, immobile but without roots
overflowing with memory
overwhelmed with nostalgia
anyone under my roof has become my brother
everyone who sits at my table is my mother
the world grows and crumbles around me
and i slowly decay in my own time
silently strong, i let them decorate me
they carry my comfort as their own
and i smile as they use me to the bone
i am like the operating table
i am like the flower that opens to the moonlight
i am like the paper upon which they document their dreams
all of these things provide strength through the darkness
i cannot falter

he found her off guard
quietly and contently observing her new life
he never pried at her
or got down on his knees begging,
"sweet angel, be mine!"
he let her tilt her head in playful curiosity
he let his mellow charm do all the talking
and she let her graceful heart do all the moving
when she gave in to that kiss in the pool hall
after that, he knew he'd never have to beg
she was the one whispering
"sweet angel, be mine!"

what an incredible thing it is to be a human being
to hear music and to understand
the labyrinth of emotion behind it
to know and desire to create more life
to use the unknown power within your body
to see a tree
to see a tree and come to terms with what it takes for that tree to live
what an incredible thing it is to be a tree

a soft shirt hangs loosely from your soft back
uninhibited
your fingers, magnetic
become rooted to your instrument
and your body shades the music you create
like a tree leaning over a galaxy of moon-soaked water.
your breath is a metronome
that fills the tiny silences with life
and adds punctuation to the melodic sentences you speak.
with what is left of its windy consciousness,
my body absorbs the urgency of a dangerous crescendo
like a slow, sweeping wave pushing me under
a blanket of warm water.
Then your stoic face pulls me back in
and i feel safe under your focused serenity
with each whispering note that comes after,
breathing sleep back into my eyes.
and, again, i'm washed away
this time, to paradise.

she sends wishes to the rooftops below her
with a nod and a sigh
This tiny city seems so big when she's stuck in the middle
tall on a mountain of concrete and asphalt
while thick little raindrops kiss her skin
and she breathes in the air she misses every afternoon on the way home
She inhales the wishes that settled from the rooftops
She feels a gust of peace as she passes the cathedral door
and catches a glimpse of the sad riot of color that paints the windows
The solemn  composition of a prayer carries out into the air
but then softly diminishes among stone and steel
She sighs as she recognizes the harsh beauty
the sad revival
the colorful cold
She sees the world with eyes for beautiful sadness
She loves what surrounds her with hard comfort
and for all it's worth
she knows this isn't where she belongs
So she leaves the concrete behind
and leaves her wishes to the rooftops

my mind is at the boarder of two places at once.
one half twists and writhes like smoke in a glass,
the other is still and rigid and heavy.
i walk alone under a canopy of cornstalks
smelling my childhood,
bewildered by the way i've changed.
it feels as though i've been shifted to the left, just a few inches.
nothing looks the same
even though it's just like i remember it.
all i seem to do is wish for things the way they were.
i can't remember how to love anything other than dreams and faux realities.
i can never have my only desire
as long as i keep killing my own ambition.
i can't figure out how to feel anymore,
still just learning how to hide from the connection.

a perpetual force
some kind of factor
my reaction
will always be fear
cost means consequence
consequence means shattered dreams
slow motion second hands
throwing off the whole
clock
a minute costs a dollar
we'll never get anywhere
coffee goes in the gas tank
gasoline runs through our veins
everything breaks
and there's a cost
for every second that's repaired

The birds are awake before the sun
They warble and tweet
just like birds should
The sun is groggy and dull
She can't quite make it above the mountain range
So the birds grow louder
Their calls are creative and neat
and slowly
the grey light becomes blue
and then bright
And the mist lifts off the hills
And the birds find their way home

the neighborhood dogs
disguise themselves as packs of wild animals
they're singing the songs of their ancestors
giving in to that primal urge
to scream of their conquests
the dull, breezy spring starlight
is unimpressed
the city is overcome with sleep
resting hard
waiting for warmth
and the beasts return from their battles
to curl at the feet of their masters
and dream of a savage bloodline
they'll never know

it's the morning
after the morning
wake up in my sheets
and only wish for more time to dream

the cold air is rude
and mocks the soft clothes that cover me
that kept me warm in bed
i'm too young to face this cruel world

so i'll just smoke this last cigarette
right till the very end
till the sun's warmth escapes my body
till the ashes fill my lungs
where haven't i been leaving ashes these days
when hasn't everything i touched burst into flames

i guess i'll just wait for the nighttime
cause i can't bare the infidelity of sunlight

when my thoughts are alive
and the stars calm a mind in motion
let's stay in the cold of the twilight
i'll use my flames to keep you warm

knuckled extensions on the fingers of trees
rattle like rain sticks,
their crinkled counterparts scurry across the grass
disguising themselves as field mice
fleeing from the grey clouds.
warbling from the sparrows in the hall
distract me from the television of paned glass.
and meanwhile, back where focus should be solid,
language is used, and wasted, and lost.
understanding sits on a fine, fragile line
where you'd rather be sipping on the freedom of understanding
than feasting on that which is wisdom.
the trees understand that reaching is their only goal
and the dried leaves of yesterday know their role in reincarnation,
but each is also aware of the demise of the other.
and all the people in all the houses,
sheltered by the scabbed and scarred hands of their ancestors,
remain focused towards the scattered, schizophrenic bright light
of the screens in their living rooms
and are completely blinded.
be aware that your senses are the most holy of gifts.
while outside, the planet continues to breathe
and the trees keep reaching.

was it clear when we kissed?
Did something in my eyes say: 'Run away'?
when I grabbed your hand,
did you decide then that I never would again?
was something I said too honest or true?
Is my attraction too naive?
Are my feelings too new?
was the flower too clean?
was that penny on the train tracks too flat?
was your journey so far
you were afraid of not finding your way back?
when I sang you my song, were the harmonies off?
when you touched my skin it must not have been soft.
The train still hasn't come
and there's an empty spot on the floor
and the phone doesn't have that happy ring
that it had a month before.
How could it hurt? I know you're asking.
All these inadequacies keep a person alone.
watching you leave,
no more words on the phone,
the bruises are nothing new.
But come clean.
Please, dear, tell me truthfully-
was it my skin? my eyes? my heart?
when was the final scene where it was meant to fall apart?
I may seem strong, but I fell apart.

my heart rushes like a waterfall
i'm falling
full speed toward soft grass
tasting its moment as it breathes
the mountains huddle close around me
protecting me from the end of the world
while my thoughts ascend and float
above my head like smoke
and into the nests of the little birds in the trees
the future is upon us
hiding in the trees
when the wind carries it into my hands
i'll put it in your pocket for safekeeping
i'll follow that river that sprung from your waterfall

celebrate the sweet small victories of life
breathe them in
and sing them out
drink up this passion
let it intoxicate your soul
each staggering step towards the end
let yourself be moved by the words of a stranger
feel the embrace of their poetry
meet each challenge with grace
challenge your grace with experience
we must fight!
for pleasure
for pain
each moment is a donation from the universe
we must not let it be abandoned
we must not let it be unlived

pieces of you scatter
shower me
surround me
you've left me a puzzle of poetry
words in every corner of the room
left for me to put together
and my heart swells on its own
your essence clings to the sidewalks
which connect our neighborhoods
two planets with a city block between them
waltzing through space
spinning across the kitchen floor
and a kiss lands between them
orbiting like a satellite to its cosmic mother
no longer aimless
in a storm of starlight

it's too heavy of a day
to look, with a smile, towards the future sun
when every hour adds weight to the one before
and the moon is rising before the night
hard earth breaks apart under worn soles
breaks apart the silence
and the clouds are stifling the second hand
holding it in place
everyone seems stuck in their sadness
and it takes all the strength of stony muscles
to push through

the moon was shining bright over the exit sign
the halfway point
the meeting place
the music drew me in
your ghost haunting me over the radio
or was it just the smoke i'd just inhaled
telling me i was thirsty

i felt my heartbeat through my chest
my tire treads pressed against sacred ground
for a first kiss warm with laughter
but cold with memories
i couldn't think straight in that parking lot
i couldn't think straight in that convenient store
i was lost in my skin
and alone with my thoughts

so i left that lonely diner to the freezing rain
i let my engine carry me towards the other halfway home
i'm drowsy and ******
but i hit the ground running
away from the haunted convenient store
away from angry memories
but still thirsty for love
in all the wrong places

placing all our trust in
a little metal box tumbling through the air
looking down on
farmers' fields like checker pieces
huge rivers winding like sunken paths
through sandbox terrain
and glare from the sun shields
terrible mountains
slowly sinking back in jealousy
as we touch an even higher sky
layer upon layer of grey curtain
eventually folds back on itself
to reveal an even greater expanse
of tiny shiny buildings
grids upon grids of humanity
cutting through the planet's skin
leaving tattoos of asphalt
only the sky-dwellers can see
relying on cotton clouds
relying on the breath of the atmosphere
with a soft blow, we're pushed
straight across the sky

five times five
plus hours of searching
for hiding spots
plus hours of pining like a schoolgirl
to songs you played for me

seven days since
plus hours of listening
to the very muses
inspiring the chemicals
in my brain
to hear you tell me
I'm your dream girl
and I should have known it

148,920 hours
since you touched my hair
or looked at me at all
and today you tell me
you see me every day
and more

I never understood how much that time has mattered
until you
couldn't keep it to yourself
anymore

It could almost be mistaken for
being in the same room
as we study the lines on each other's eyes
and sing to each other the harmonies
of pain and lust.
I could have sworn, just the other day
we were using fingertips to study the way
our cheeks rise when we make each other smile
and the creases around our mouths
are heavy with thought.
It's almost as if I'd give anything
to press my forehead against yours
as if to transfer some kind of light between us.
But instead, it seems, I'm doomed to be trapped
in the two hours of space lost to the thousands
of miles from your body to mine.

your passion is a mountain i've climbed
time after time
but i can't make it to the top
your desire is elusive
it slips through my fingers before i can think to grab on
i want to study your design like an architect
but your lips take hold of me
and i forget my purpose
we venture, nervously, but willingly
far from home
with a sleepy, silent return
the line between brave and utterly stupid
has been erased
so we're living on a diet of syndicated jokes
and liquid courage
to the point where none of it seems real enough to comprehend
where the honesty is almost trite
where i can't tell if you're afraid or sad
or happy, or maybe you just don't care
or maybe you're too afraid to care
because you know that i'll be missing the feeling of you beside me
that security of your body in the crowd of my thoughts
i haven't gone far enough to miss you yet
but i already pine for you when i sleep
the great wall of your shoulders makes me feel safe
the map of your skin guides my need
but in your world, i feel like a little girl
trying to convince kings to raze cities

cloth- the placement of fiber upon fiber
it holds warmth
not living, but surviving
you remind me of autumn
when the mountainside is ablaze with
passionate warmth
es geht mit mir
it goes with me

I'm pushing my hand
into my wild chest
as hard as I can push
as it flutters under my fingers
so that you might feel
how tightly I need to be
against you
how deeply I've drown
in the flood of your eyes
and in the shivering
of the leaves
all I hear is my name
on your voice

we ride to the edge of our destiny,
turn around, and flee.
we're fueled by reckless thoughts,
we despise being careful,
and yet we're so sensitive to the opinions
of all those other fish in this big blue sea.
we're good at what we do,
lying to ourselves to make due.
living with things we hate,
hating what makes us happy.
knowing that nothing ever works,
but settling for what happens.
keeping the tension, even though we know
it's killing us,
it's what we're good at,
it somehow makes us strong.

I find myself needing to put to paper all the mess that can’t organize itself in my brain.
I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this
It’s nothing poetic, let alone inspiring. Inspired, perhaps.
Yes
Inspired by moonlight
My tired eyes can’t seem to find a way out of the sadness they held for too long. But they’re slowly learning to fall in love again, the same way my heart is.
I’m trying to learn to be strong, baby. I’m teaching myself to be strong for you.
I’m teaching myself to play a song
For you
The lyrics forcing themselves out of your speakers know exactly what to say. They speak our feelings for us. They know what’s in our hearts.
You told me that you feel things. Baby, I think I have that same sickness. It’s the kind that lives in your heart.
If it’s what I’m thinking of, be prepared for trouble. For aching. For longing. Be prepared for words I can’t even begin to remember until they’re there on my lips.
Be prepared for joy. For unvanquished optimism. For the kind of longing that aches in the most beautiful way.

i heard you whisper
when you thought i was asleep

we had allowed our minds to get away from us
the insomniac's insanity
somehow kept us awake for hours upon miles
the elements pushing us along the pavement

but when the sun went down, you turned off the radio
and you told me that we were the music
so we lost our voices to the wind

in the morning, even the warmth of day couldn't move us from the sheets
the two of us
drifting and dancing in conscious dreams

and in the moment
your words were safe to flow past the dam of your teeth
you thought i was asleep

and your heart softly burst beside me
simply and dangerously
i tried my hardest to keep still
the rhythm of my breath like a swing

but i heard what you said
and even though you could blame it on the delirious ramblings
of a mind lost in space
i know you secretly wanted me to hear it

with jealousy,
the water memorizes the embezzled sky
and copies it with every spark.
the insects have awoken
rising from their grasses and bark.
with a pulsating surge,
the night breathes.
smitten with the silence, the birds
are sighing, killing the quiet.
this is where the night lives,
this is where it waits.
with the joy of a child, the twilight
bursts across the horizon
killing the fear of darkness.
wildflower fumes intoxicate the air,
vanquishing inhibitions and disguising them
for romance.
the night is wild with static,
but there's nothing to fear.

arms outstretched at lengths i can't perceive
i'm waiting at the door
with endless sky before me
and battered terrain beneath my feet
there's a sea of lost souls
crowding at my way out
and it's all i can do to swim through them
because with destiny calling
i can't not answer the phone

i may be chilled to the bone
but that cool spring breeze keeps me alive
cause its that new clean air
that brings the summer to life
and with every laboring sigh of a breath
i feel cold liquid embracing my lungs
and i long for a chest to be pressed against mine
to share the rising and the fall
and the rhythm inside

I keep smelling you on the clothes you left behind
But you’re nowhere to be found
It’ll be a week tomorrow
Since I lost you to that greyhound bus
But all day, all I look for
Is your body to wrap around

I finally heard your voice this morning
As close as your head on my pillow
The bright sun melted away a week’s worth of loneliness
And I glowed knowing I was on your mind
I bet nobody’s ever missed you
Quite the way that I do

All I can daydream
Is what we’ll do together
In that big grey city of yours
But when I’m really there
It’ll be painted with the brightest of light
And the darkest of ambition

We had such routine
In that little room of ours
A world all our own
I lived on your skin
And you survived on my word
And then we reluctantly left town

But I bet nobody’s ever missed you
Quite the way that I do

intrinsic
lights, dimly flashing
all is well
yet, all is chaos
crevasses in skin
shine through
each scar for each pain
each smile for each hurt
a photograph keeps the dead alive
and brings back the pain of time
the joy of a beating heart
long since undone
and the sadness of never knowing
the way a heart can beat without its companion
is almost as terrifying
as knowing all too well
when that last rhythm has ceased
and those eyes will never shine
as permanent
as the picture that holds them true
and real
almost alive
but gone enough for acceptance to commence
and remembrance to hold steady
this is where memories are truly born
or where they may be butchered
or perhaps imprisoned in a glass case
never to be nurtured
always preserved
always cherished
never set free

You love him,
you do,
and here's the miracle:
he loves you too.
You are allowed
to lick off the color from his lips,
to listen to the hymns in his pulse,
to bask in the sunlight of his voice,

You are allowed
to have him.

You love each other,
you do,
and here's the tragedy:
it's not enough.
You are allowed
to watch the sun swallow him whole and burn him up,
to stain your fingers to the bone holding him together,
to count the constellations in his eyes as they blink out,

You are not allowed
to save him.

my moon is covered in a lacy veil of clouds
but her smiling glow still lands softly
so the pavement sparkles back
with happy songs of glassy light

my moon keeps watch over a sleepy city
and the stray cats howl
just to be sure they're still alive
and the sidewalk rests under an icy blanket
but my thoughts are warmed by the orange glow of streetlights

my moon keeps me calm
as the wind blows away her grey veil
and her face, like that of an earthly goddess,
keeps still in my dreams
she never falters, never fades
and allows me to breathe in deeper than my own lungs ever would

the ground reflects the stars that surround her
as she rises over the spider-legged treetops
frigid air cuts at my face, like the frost under my feet
but each time i open my lungs
a warm rush of moonlight infiltrates my capillaries
and the stray cats call her by name
as she leads me back home
and sings me to sleep

you may as well have driven her to madness
never there to touch, just out of reach
that warm skin you hide,
she needed it
it was so close beneath her fingertips
but you flew away before she could hold you
so now the word "regret" appears
and she's so far gone
there's nothing she can do
she cradles your words
and aches for what could have been

Oh what a mess you’ve placed before me
What a body I lust for
It didn’t take me long to get lost
And the danger you brought
Is only the beginning
Will the end come as hastily as the beginning?
Or will I always be bound to indecisive confusion
Stuck reaching for a perfection I’ll never find

We couldn’t so quickly hide from the cool evening sun
But the rest of the world was blind
To our blatant hunger for night
Yet since we had to settle in abandoned lots
We fed each other in quiet passion
And deepened a hole that was dug
One lonely night that never should have been
And so, in that hole, our quiet mess will sit

the alarm clock slaps cold confusion against
my chest
my teeth, they grind
and a flock of birds, in a chorus of flapping
and screeching, take flight in my stomach

the ground lurches under my sore feet
as they recall the miles of tread they've laid
these days
but each step will always be more misguided
than the last

and there's no fear on my face
only pure determination to make these miles
mean something
serenity and childlike curiosity, grounded
and naive

these strange paths carry me with cold force
for i have continued choosing to walk
amongst my demons
following that pale, bright ribbon of
passion and peace

don't you be sad little little cigarette
i can shield from the cold snowy rain falling on your face
i'll keep you safe little little cigarette
from that rude gust of wind rudely biting your fingers
i'll keep you warm little little cigarette
i'll wrap you up in scarves and warm downy jackets
i'll nurture you my little cigarette
your toxic love fills every corner of my lungs
i'll be there for you ma petite cigarette
i love to get lost in your tiny ember glow
don't you be sad
don't you be sad
little little cigarette
i'll keep you safe til the very end
safe til there's nothing left to keep safe

land of gold and silver
birds with bright feathers
burning wild with sparkle and shine
spit plastic to the waves of red faces and grasping fingers
these hands reaching for anything close to home.
land of bursting hearts
front doors open for warm breezes
to come in and sit for a while
begging for a brass line, a mild conversation
never sleeping, for fear of seeing that nightmare of rain.
land of waterlines
spray painted symbols on abandoned walls
tags of sadness
and across the street, the greenery demolishes vacant lots
as if to **** the emptiness.
land of human sacrifice
since Napoleon's footprints covered each corner
since ships baring human cargo made port
since walls were built only to be tore down
by mother nature herself.
land of the broken
land of the lost
land of the free.
land where beauty rises through the storm
music begins and ends with the single loudest note
voices are not quiet or harsh or unkind.
land of peaceful noise
land of burning passion for courage
land of pride.

my ***
is like hearing a song for the first time
unsure, unexpected
my body
soft, but strong
the most feminine i could possibly be

my body
had been recycled in this way
and I was too eager
for ****** revolution
to even notice the damage I'd notice
in the future
as I'm thanking the universe
that my mind is still so free
and my body
is beautiful

I simply cannot forgive
myself for the restlessness of my heart
for I have burned
and I have splintered
and I have crushed
the hearts of others
And so, exposure
brings back the demons of the past
and the hurt and the loss
I have caused
and I have endured

Keeping the pain close by
Also keeps the beauty of the memory from being forgotten
Remembering the electricity of the
Moment sends a shock through my concience
And all I can do is learn and grow and be

be the pain. be the memory. be here now.

my body
is a furiously perfect thing

my body is
undeniably forgiving

when I told my body a terrible lie
and denied it of it's true instinct
it remained graceful
it remained peaceful

for all the recklessness
all of the invisible pain
I have put my body through
it still loves me

and I am so grateful to my body
for somehow protecting me
despite myself

it is everything I need
to allow my mind
to feel beautiful

warmth begins to set in and the air smells like wood and grass and growing things
you say that I radiate heat
but I think my body is releasing all the love I can't hold inside
the summer energy vibrating in my skin
breeding optimism deep in my soul
the positivity of growth and breathing and survival
sunlight showers me with inspiration until my skin burns in revival
my fingers twitch at each fruity breath of the flowering mother
a tiny desert city's mighty contribution to a world of drought
dry air crackles through my capillaries, always reminding me where I am
surrounded by the muses of the valley
cold, dark, alluring peaks line up on all sides
protecting us within the walls of tireless sunshine

numbers numbers
i'm gathering information!
is this a bad time?
of course i'd love a cigarette
no i'm not selling anything
i just want to pick your brain
and ask you about any diseases you might have
just gathering some information, ma'am
ma'am?
hello?
please don't call here anymore
ok, we'll try back another time

With heat at my back
and cold on my path,
I'm alone.
There's faces
and a blinking orange light
with question marks
and the door is closed.
The hall is empty.
The glass is cold against my knuckles,
but I just keep breathing,
trying to forget the emptiness.
Somewhere behind me I dropped my soul.
I'll have to go back,
go back, go back.
I can't go back to that place,
that dark, creaking staircase
with blinding sunlight
and short goodbyes.
I open my mouth to speak,
but I only remember two words.
I'm feeling things that aren't there.
I'm waiting for messages that will never appear.
Numb to the weather,
I'll just walk home,
'cause there's nowhere else to go.

the cold presses against my skin
but the air is oddly calm for january
almost as though spring is trying to sneak in
a current of clouds slowly slides along the shores of the universe
covering the moon with a soft veil
her edges have softened and spread
her face is blurred and she has been disguised
her light, though, gives me life
it brightens the edges of those rough places
and in this winter air, i'm warm
i have freedom!
i'm flying
not far enough away for my heart
but far enough to give me hope
enough to get me high
and get me fast
and when my feet reach the ground again
i'll bask in moonlight
until i've got strength to continue