the corners of glued pages
are turning brown with age
years have grown the children in the pictures
life has aged their eyes
time has hardened their hearts
to the beauty of a back yard
the serenity of a home surrounded by trees
there's enough money for everyone to share
but fat cats keep us from being free
and our focus is on green
money
not grass
oh to be a child again
to be completely oblivious
to the entire outside world
beyond the safety of the fields and farms
and the rolling hills
as real as the pictures

your breath doesn't come steady
soft, like the slow ebb of the sea
it's not gentile
sliding up and down in an unplanned beat.
your chest pushes
your stomach lurches
your breath is calculated and produced.
In your eyes, I see you standing proud,
I hear your heart pleading for freedom,
grateful for the crowds of love pushed upon you,
desperate for peace without words.
In a world where communication is both necessary and impossible,
I can only hope you hear the smile in my eyes
and take its strength.

my eyes are tired from watching the clock
my heart is weary of beating so hard against my ribcage every time i think you might be close by
your eyes, clear and pale,
search me with urgency
but all i see are two bottomless oceans
and the distance between them
i'm not strong enough to tread those waters
and yet i remain close by the window
wearily watching
tired and waiting

I am nowhere near the ocean, yet
salt water stains my cheeks and
it's only because I'm afraid to
know why you evaporated into the air
like the smoke that rolls over my lips as
they ache to be used for
memorizing the way the salt on
your skin tastes.

You were the red star the sky gave to me
after I begged for your voice to come back-
darker than the sun and further
away
A piece of the oldest part of my heart

there were weeks there
where all i wanted was to be in my childhood home
amongst my books and pictures and comfortable nostalgia,
but the winds are changing.
my world is changing while i am still.
the mountains are calling for me,
"why haven't you returned?" they query.
who couldn't despise the cold any more than I,
yet now all i long for is the shivering embrace of the north.
somehow my heart becomes solid,
frozen and invincible, like the river that rushes beneath me
as i take my place along the train tracks
and feel the earth singing to me.
the time has come to run away from home.
my ears miss that howling whistle,
my skin yearns for that long gust of far-traveled air.
that rush of vibration, that ache for forward motion.
i need to be back at that spot on the tracks
to slow my pulse and make me feel alive,
shake open my lungs, shake open my heart.
i see myself as that winding train
sprinting along the river, waving goodbye to that deep city below,
running away from each frozen station
never looking back, but always coming home.
i want to come home to my mountains.

i see my house
when the floors were covered with old wood
and plastic
and our dog was black
and our counter tops weren't finished

we loved to dance in the kitchen
she would come in from a cigarette
and i'd surprise her with her favorite song

and we'd dance

it would go past my bedtime
and i would look up at her for a second with worry

but she just kept on dancing

god only knows what kind of clear liquid was hiding
behind the cabinets or in the bathroom
but that was the beauty of the neivity of childhood
i always just thought she was happy to be with me
happy to be free
just dancing in the kitchen

in a sea of missed connections
dozens of footsteps
and swinging arms
and focused gazes
the air pushes aside
and even through the dusk of mild spring
the shape of a meet cute
revisited
some kind of quiet determination begins
untangling knots for more than just the sake of it
breathing in
always just a sound away
from such profound thoughts

you draw me in just like you always do
and my skin begins to buzz
daylight shines and reflects in your pale eyes
your frailty hides behind the snarl in your lips
and i've never seen you so focused
as you watch the smoke slide away from its chimney home
as you watch my skin slide between your fingers
i breathe you in as much as i can hold
only you can give my body this freedom
you bury your face in my hair
and you slide your fingers across my chin and towards my throat and
softly, like a leaf cutting ripples through placid water,
they create a path in my skin
i'm silently begging you to stay here in this bright room
as you bring me back to those nights we'd lay together
awake in the flickering blaze of the television
lost in each others' skin
thank you for cradling me in your long arms one last time

starlight sparkles through the evergreen above our heads
and the freedom I've longed for swims through my veins
I breathe it in
and it sustains me
my toes sink into the soft earth
and my roots wind and spin within each other
like the smoke that unfurls above me

your eyes are like lanterns
their green light leads me across a proverbial bay
like some kind of symbol from literature
my mind is anything but quiet
and yet you remain all that is calm

I hardly know how to speak
your softness distracts me
there's something in the way you laugh
that makes me feel like a child

my world feels brighter
here in this northern air
my lungs feel bigger and stronger today
there's life all around me
and my thoughts are so high lately
and I don't even mind that sometimes you're silent
because all I can do is smile when your name lights up my pocket
and I'm flying free through these warm nights

hundreds of minutes have passed
thousands of ticks from the second hand
photographs
empty glasses
empty classrooms
empty dreams

what happens after starting over?

i'll do anything for love
i'll sleep in every bed i find
for the chance to stay alive
i'll wear those blankets proud
i'll cry when i wake up
and scowl at the morning sun
as i walk out the front door
onto the frozen streets
it's a tale as old as time
wherever love is dead
passion for recklessness prevails

i need some arms to fall into
i'm starting to lose my balance
i'm starting to think i'm thirsty
when i've already had too much to drink
i'm waking up in the wrong places
and walking further and further to get home
scowling at the morning sun

you're so warm
I don't want to sleep
for fear of losing you
to the night.
you're so comfortable
I don't want you to leave
my bed will grow cold.
if you were mine
I'd never sleep
to keep you safe from the shadows.
you help me burn brighter
my smile just can't go away.
and even as the autumn winds chill
you stay warm for me.

The spark in the eye of the mentor
keeps the student curious and hungry
and a grin of hope sends electricity
towards the feet of the weary.
Don't let weakness of heart
catch on to other muscles.
With a road that's so unforgiving ahead,
strangers must become teachers
and vagabonds must become friends.
In a world where the irony of each beautiful day must be forgotten,
the only thing left to believe in
is the love in each human eye.

The birds cry out
for the clouds are stained with the orange glow
of the populations beyond
The dusk grows heavy
and the forest begins to move in on me
It slides in closer, leaning it's shadows over my head
In the pastures beyond, the horses search the dirt with strong lips
for that sweet green grass
But out there, the wind bites
Here the trees protect me and keep me warm
They hug me with wooden arms
and wrap blankets of leaves around my shoulders
And even though the darkness is thick and alive
i feel nature breathe and i feel safe

Delved into the souls of others
my energies, my brain power,
aimed in the opposite direction.
I am the mountain
upon which the clouds sit.
Settling for worn floors,
my feet secretly crave bare earth
and revel in conquering the victory of height
standing where planes fly.
I've been feeding on the concept of hospitality
while the home within my guts slowly shrinks.
My body craves another force of breath.
I find myself lost
in the corner of the room where I sleep.
Watching the work of angels
in a level of atmosphere I've never known,
my posture has been compromised
and I walk with a lean.

after the sweat has dried
and the sighs have lost their breath
she waits for him to look away
so that she can watch him think
and somehow find her way
through his maze
as the world turns around them
she stumbles, dizzy

vertigo has set in

like the second hand, she spins
like a candle flame, he flickers
wherever they roam,
they always remain

something is wrong. everything is acting so strangely. all i wanted to do was open the window. all i wanted to do was make a pun. say that you believe. we're all floating. on the ground. scream and cry so that everyone can hear. they need to feel your pain. they need to write the words you love. you need to give them words.
something tells me that something is seriously wrong. the liquid is in the wrong can. the surface is too warm. the skin is too warm. that long body is too close. it's too soft. it's too hard.
the music is too happy when i'm not happy enough. the notes are too short. too syncopated. the sun isn't even up. the moon isn't even bright. the sky is heavy with sadness.
my eyes don't like being awake. my ears can't live with the silence. where is the music. where is all that sad music?
my friend has a few more colors than most. but something is very wrong with his mind. he loves to be caught. he loves to be stuck. he loves himself too much to live.
i'm a pen with ink on solid white paper. i'm the background singer. i'm the tapping of fingernails on wood. my noises are unappreciated. but they're so beautiful when you hear them quietly in your sleep.
i'm so sad. i wish crying didn't hurt so badly. i wish i had more pride. or maybe less. my brain is so sad. my body has depression.
that's only if i were you.
i'm in love with skin. i'm high on the way it feels. i'm high on your skin. so please talk to me. and tell me where i should go when i finally meet you. time is so long. where did my balance go?
all these faces are living in my brain. making beautiful music. using their bright smiles to lure me into their beds. why didn't i say no? i have no willpower. i have too much willpower for my own good.
why does it lure me so. there is something wrong with this music. it's getting me high. is it supposed to do that?

her hands are calloused and scarred
from reaching too fast
and hitting all the hard places.
her voice is brightly hoarse and beautifully pained
from singing too loudly
like the tree frogs after a rain storm.
her skin twists and softens
like a stream with the smoothest stones at the bottom.
her face smiles like the moon in summer
and cries like the withered leaves shivering in the cold of winter.
her eyes match the color of the sky when it holds the stars between its fingers.
and sometimes, when the sunlight touches her hair just right, it mirrors the bark of ancient trees.
her wisdom is young.
her love has been murdered,
yet her smile holds the secrets of naive infatuation.
is she a child, or is she a ghost?
is she afraid, or is she jaded?
her body has been thrown from the sky,
yet her bones have never been broken.
she will always know pain
and laugh as it passes under her feet.

even though you're drunk
and i'm leaving
(apparently over you but
the songs that play beg to differ)
your regret still stings me.
i can't see you but i know
you're picturing my body
and it hurts
my mouth burns with your aftertaste.

She had been driven mad by the notion
Of the skin she had only begun to memorize
Removing itself from her reach once more
Her own body ached and cried
And she found herself tracing spirals on her thighs with her small fingertips
It just wasn’t the same
For it wasn’t the physical notion of touch she longed for
But the elation of senses their locked eyes created
And when she buried her face into his chest to feel his heartbeat
She could feel it
And when he told her things
She truly believed them
She told her heart to slow down
And keep time with her brain
Her wishes fell on deaf ears
Since (she should know by now) there’s no use telling the heart what to do
All she can do is continue to feel
To long for the skin, the truth
All she can do is listen to her brain and follow her heart

i think of you, and my memories begin to wrap around me
each breath gives me less air as the python of my anxiety squeezes the life out of me
you toy with my heart
you see these emotions that decorate my sleeves
yet when you speak, your words are cold and swift
as if your eyes have been tightly shut
any kind of tears i could produce would be lost to the ground before you could begin to care
and you let me go on burning
you let me go on, stifled
you go home to your girl
and i'm left reading your words over and over,
pleading with them
begging them to change
i'm left begging you to open your eyes

Tied to a post in the ground
in the most particular way
the rains are coming hard
but there's no cover in sight
The sky is crying
as brightly as the moon shines
At rope's end, the air is thinner
Breathing has become arduous
the deeper the sigh, the less substance is left

Somewhere a mourning dove has conquered her stage fright
She's calling to her lover
through the downpour

A spec of blue sky escapes for a second
from its grey prison
but the wind strikes it down
This show must go on
the dreams must prevail
With closed eyes, the storm cannot exist
Without fear, there is no hope

Unable to feel grass beneath bare feet
unable to run until your legs begin to refuse
you curl up like a dog
and the rain bears down
with unruly tenacity

I can see so clearly through my window
that the lights are playing games with me
but your hands don't play games
they get straight to the point.
And our mouths meet
and you become serious and determined
and my breaths are jagged.
Your shoulders are home to constellations
your eyes are home to some kind of emptiness
and I am left wanting.

the mountains close in
their rippled arms wrap around us to embrace
our bodies seem to find each other
pressed against
through the dry air
the dust
the thickness
the strong beacon of your face
shines
anywhere in this desert i can find it
in the sun:
with its passionate heat
its heart bursting for the life below
in the moon:
calm and gentile
serene and wise
in the trees:
sparse but strong, they hold truth
standing tall and silent

i've been asking the sun about love
i've begged the moon to share her wisdom
but those trees keep their secrets and
they've taught me
to see words in your silence
they've shown me to search
every branch
every beam of light
search for the beacon that leads me to love and wisdom
and when the time comes for it to be found
i'll see it in your face

why do little boys scream and defy?
why do they kiss the leaves and hug the sky?
where do they go when they close their eyes?
they keep the angels awake when they decide to cry.
why do little boys pretend not to be afraid?
why do they think they are fearsome and brave?
where do they go when they've lost their way?
their soft little eyes beg you to stay.

in the doorway
the floorspace between
your feet and my
jumbling path
i've become deaf to
whatever ways of love i used to know
in all the terrain that surrounds me
the only way is up
up towards your eyes
up towards the stars

i'm lost in the electricity
of each clever sound sliding from your
lips i can't quit
wrapped in your arms i become
mesmerized by your heartbeat
your chest is my pillow
your skin is my lullaby
you are the peace
that sings away my anxiety

your soft shoulders hold
a freckled galaxy
i love to find constellations
as you slowly breathe
i love to kiss each speck of soft pigment
and press my cheek against
all my favorite parts of you
i'm smitten with your skin
and up towards
your smiling moonlight eyes
i love to catch you watching me
i love to watch you loving me

I smoked a cigarette in Times Square
The streets seemed light as day
With the full moon joining in on the neon party above
I made my way underground
And the subway rattled and swayed its way to Queens
Then I emerged to see your bright silhouette
Your fingers touched the sky
And I could have held you all night on that sidewalk

I drank tea at your tiny kitchen table
The January skyline sat just outside your window
It was the first time the color grey made me smile
And your tiny frame continues to carry you through time
And in our worlds apart I’ve wondered if your city ever wonders about me
I wonder if you hold our short, quiet life together the way I do
Sometimes I wish it could have lasted
We could have hibernated
The skyline could have watched us from afar
As we held ourselves captive
Forever trapped in Queens