if my mouth
were ever to breathe
out
towards another
it would be yours

for all those words you say
i can only just hope
your mouth would follow through

but who knows when every other minute
is silence
and uncertainty

and, nowadays
mouths are only meant to be covered

what an incredible thing it is to be a human being
to hear music and to understand
the labyrinth of emotion behind it
to know and desire to create more life
to use the unknown power within your body
to see a tree
to see a tree and come to terms with what it takes for that tree to live
what an incredible thing it is to be a tree

my ***
is like hearing a song for the first time
unsure, unexpected
my body
soft, but strong
the most feminine i could possibly be

You love him,
you do,
and here's the miracle:
he loves you too.
You are allowed
to lick off the color from his lips,
to listen to the hymns in his pulse,
to bask in the sunlight of his voice,

You are allowed
to have him.

You love each other,
you do,
and here's the tragedy:
it's not enough.
You are allowed
to watch the sun swallow him whole and burn him up,
to stain your fingers to the bone holding him together,
to count the constellations in his eyes as they blink out,

You are not allowed
to save him.

I am nowhere near the ocean, yet
salt water stains my cheeks and
it's only because I'm afraid to
know why you evaporated into the air
like the smoke that rolls over my lips as
they ache to be used for
memorizing the way the salt on
your skin tastes.

You were the red star the sky gave to me
after I begged for your voice to come back-
darker than the sun and further
away
A piece of the oldest part of my heart

I'm pushing my hand
into my wild chest
as hard as I can push
as it flutters under my fingers
so that you might feel
how tightly I need to be
against you
how deeply I've drown
in the flood of your eyes
and in the shivering
of the leaves
all I hear is my name
on your voice

five times five
plus hours of searching
for hiding spots
plus hours of pining like a schoolgirl
to songs you played for me

seven days since
plus hours of listening
to the very muses
inspiring the chemicals
in my brain
to hear you tell me
I'm your dream girl
and I should have known it

148,920 hours
since you touched my hair
or looked at me at all
and today you tell me
you see me every day
and more

I never understood how much that time has mattered
until you
couldn't keep it to yourself
anymore

It could almost be mistaken for
being in the same room
as we study the lines on each other's eyes
and sing to each other the harmonies
of pain and lust.
I could have sworn, just the other day
we were using fingertips to study the way
our cheeks rise when we make each other smile
and the creases around our mouths
are heavy with thought.
It's almost as if I'd give anything
to press my forehead against yours
as if to transfer some kind of light between us.
But instead, it seems, I'm doomed to be trapped
in the two hours of space lost to the thousands
of miles from your body to mine.

something is wrong. everything is acting so strangely. all i wanted to do was open the window. all i wanted to do was make a pun. say that you believe. we're all floating. on the ground. scream and cry so that everyone can hear. they need to feel your pain. they need to write the words you love. you need to give them words.
something tells me that something is seriously wrong. the liquid is in the wrong can. the surface is too warm. the skin is too warm. that long body is too close. it's too soft. it's too hard.
the music is too happy when i'm not happy enough. the notes are too short. too syncopated. the sun isn't even up. the moon isn't even bright. the sky is heavy with sadness.
my eyes don't like being awake. my ears can't live with the silence. where is the music. where is all that sad music?
my friend has a few more colors than most. but something is very wrong with his mind. he loves to be caught. he loves to be stuck. he loves himself too much to live.
i'm a pen with ink on solid white paper. i'm the background singer. i'm the tapping of fingernails on wood. my noises are unappreciated. but they're so beautiful when you hear them quietly in your sleep.
i'm so sad. i wish crying didn't hurt so badly. i wish i had more pride. or maybe less. my brain is so sad. my body has depression.
that's only if i were you.
i'm in love with skin. i'm high on the way it feels. i'm high on your skin. so please talk to me. and tell me where i should go when i finally meet you. time is so long. where did my balance go?
all these faces are living in my brain. making beautiful music. using their bright smiles to lure me into their beds. why didn't i say no? i have no willpower. i have too much willpower for my own good.
why does it lure me so. there is something wrong with this music. it's getting me high. is it supposed to do that?

I simply cannot forgive
myself for the restlessness of my heart
for I have burned
and I have splintered
and I have crushed
the hearts of others
And so, exposure
brings back the demons of the past
and the hurt and the loss
I have caused
and I have endured

Keeping the pain close by
Also keeps the beauty of the memory from being forgotten
Remembering the electricity of the
Moment sends a shock through my concience
And all I can do is learn and grow and be

be the pain. be the memory. be here now.

my body
had been recycled in this way
and I was too eager
for ****** revolution
to even notice the damage I'd notice
in the future
as I'm thanking the universe
that my mind is still so free
and my body
is beautiful

my body
is a furiously perfect thing

my body is
undeniably forgiving

when I told my body a terrible lie
and denied it of it's true instinct
it remained graceful
it remained peaceful

for all the recklessness
all of the invisible pain
I have put my body through
it still loves me

and I am so grateful to my body
for somehow protecting me
despite myself

it is everything I need
to allow my mind
to feel beautiful

your breath doesn't come steady
soft, like the slow ebb of the sea
it's not gentile
sliding up and down in an unplanned beat.
your chest pushes
your stomach lurches
your breath is calculated and produced.
In your eyes, I see you standing proud,
I hear your heart pleading for freedom,
grateful for the crowds of love pushed upon you,
desperate for peace without words.
In a world where communication is both necessary and impossible,
I can only hope you hear the smile in my eyes
and take its strength.

it's too heavy of a day
to look, with a smile, towards the future sun
when every hour adds weight to the one before
and the moon is rising before the night
hard earth breaks apart under worn soles
breaks apart the silence
and the clouds are stifling the second hand
holding it in place
everyone seems stuck in their sadness
and it takes all the strength of stony muscles
to push through

in the doorway
the floorspace between
your feet and my
jumbling path
i've become deaf to
whatever ways of love i used to know
in all the terrain that surrounds me
the only way is up
up towards your eyes
up towards the stars

i'm lost in the electricity
of each clever sound sliding from your
lips i can't quit
wrapped in your arms i become
mesmerized by your heartbeat
your chest is my pillow
your skin is my lullaby
you are the peace
that sings away my anxiety

your soft shoulders hold
a freckled galaxy
i love to find constellations
as you slowly breathe
i love to kiss each speck of soft pigment
and press my cheek against
all my favorite parts of you
i'm smitten with your skin
and up towards
your smiling moonlight eyes
i love to catch you watching me
i love to watch you loving me

Delved into the souls of others
my energies, my brain power,
aimed in the opposite direction.
I am the mountain
upon which the clouds sit.
Settling for worn floors,
my feet secretly crave bare earth
and revel in conquering the victory of height
standing where planes fly.
I've been feeding on the concept of hospitality
while the home within my guts slowly shrinks.
My body craves another force of breath.
I find myself lost
in the corner of the room where I sleep.
Watching the work of angels
in a level of atmosphere I've never known,
my posture has been compromised
and I walk with a lean.

placing all our trust in
a little metal box tumbling through the air
looking down on
farmers' fields like checker pieces
huge rivers winding like sunken paths
through sandbox terrain
and glare from the sun shields
terrible mountains
slowly sinking back in jealousy
as we touch an even higher sky
layer upon layer of grey curtain
eventually folds back on itself
to reveal an even greater expanse
of tiny shiny buildings
grids upon grids of humanity
cutting through the planet's skin
leaving tattoos of asphalt
only the sky-dwellers can see
relying on cotton clouds
relying on the breath of the atmosphere
with a soft blow, we're pushed
straight across the sky

warmth begins to set in and the air smells like wood and grass and growing things
you say that I radiate heat
but I think my body is releasing all the love I can't hold inside
the summer energy vibrating in my skin
breeding optimism deep in my soul
the positivity of growth and breathing and survival
sunlight showers me with inspiration until my skin burns in revival
my fingers twitch at each fruity breath of the flowering mother
a tiny desert city's mighty contribution to a world of drought
dry air crackles through my capillaries, always reminding me where I am
surrounded by the muses of the valley
cold, dark, alluring peaks line up on all sides
protecting us within the walls of tireless sunshine

arms outstretched at lengths i can't perceive
i'm waiting at the door
with endless sky before me
and battered terrain beneath my feet
there's a sea of lost souls
crowding at my way out
and it's all i can do to swim through them
because with destiny calling
i can't not answer the phone

i may be chilled to the bone
but that cool spring breeze keeps me alive
cause its that new clean air
that brings the summer to life
and with every laboring sigh of a breath
i feel cold liquid embracing my lungs
and i long for a chest to be pressed against mine
to share the rising and the fall
and the rhythm inside

numbers numbers
i'm gathering information!
is this a bad time?
of course i'd love a cigarette
no i'm not selling anything
i just want to pick your brain
and ask you about any diseases you might have
just gathering some information, ma'am
ma'am?
hello?
please don't call here anymore
ok, we'll try back another time

the neighborhood dogs
disguise themselves as packs of wild animals
they're singing the songs of their ancestors
giving in to that primal urge
to scream of their conquests
the dull, breezy spring starlight
is unimpressed
the city is overcome with sleep
resting hard
waiting for warmth
and the beasts return from their battles
to curl at the feet of their masters
and dream of a savage bloodline
they'll never know

he found her off guard
quietly and contently observing her new life
he never pried at her
or got down on his knees begging,
"sweet angel, be mine!"
he let her tilt her head in playful curiosity
he let his mellow charm do all the talking
and she let her graceful heart do all the moving
when she gave in to that kiss in the pool hall
after that, he knew he'd never have to beg
she was the one whispering
"sweet angel, be mine!"

you are my
first cup of coffee, warmth in my belly, waking up my veins
you are my
sunset drive home, purple mountains surrounding, clouds heavy and smiling
you keep my
nose warm when i bury it in your chest
you meet my
sudden anxious entropy with a calm triumphant smile
you wear my
favorite smells and softness all over your shirt
you make my
nerves tingle when your breath washes over my skin
when the sun brightly begs through the window
for us to come out and play
you're what keeps me wrapped up in contented sighs
an excuse to be covered in you
when the trials of the day hit me from all angles
and all of my helping power is depleted
you, standing tall and strong,
recharge me

the mountains close in
their rippled arms wrap around us to embrace
our bodies seem to find each other
pressed against
through the dry air
the dust
the thickness
the strong beacon of your face
shines
anywhere in this desert i can find it
in the sun:
with its passionate heat
its heart bursting for the life below
in the moon:
calm and gentile
serene and wise
in the trees:
sparse but strong, they hold truth
standing tall and silent

i've been asking the sun about love
i've begged the moon to share her wisdom
but those trees keep their secrets and
they've taught me
to see words in your silence
they've shown me to search
every branch
every beam of light
search for the beacon that leads me to love and wisdom
and when the time comes for it to be found
i'll see it in your face

land of gold and silver
birds with bright feathers
burning wild with sparkle and shine
spit plastic to the waves of red faces and grasping fingers
these hands reaching for anything close to home.
land of bursting hearts
front doors open for warm breezes
to come in and sit for a while
begging for a brass line, a mild conversation
never sleeping, for fear of seeing that nightmare of rain.
land of waterlines
spray painted symbols on abandoned walls
tags of sadness
and across the street, the greenery demolishes vacant lots
as if to **** the emptiness.
land of human sacrifice
since Napoleon's footprints covered each corner
since ships baring human cargo made port
since walls were built only to be tore down
by mother nature herself.
land of the broken
land of the lost
land of the free.
land where beauty rises through the storm
music begins and ends with the single loudest note
voices are not quiet or harsh or unkind.
land of peaceful noise
land of burning passion for courage
land of pride.

cloth- the placement of fiber upon fiber
it holds warmth
not living, but surviving
you remind me of autumn
when the mountainside is ablaze with
passionate warmth
es geht mit mir
it goes with me

The birds are awake before the sun
They warble and tweet
just like birds should
The sun is groggy and dull
She can't quite make it above the mountain range
So the birds grow louder
Their calls are creative and neat
and slowly
the grey light becomes blue
and then bright
And the mist lifts off the hills
And the birds find their way home

celebrate the sweet small victories of life
breathe them in
and sing them out
drink up this passion
let it intoxicate your soul
each staggering step towards the end
let yourself be moved by the words of a stranger
feel the embrace of their poetry
meet each challenge with grace
challenge your grace with experience
we must fight!
for pleasure
for pain
each moment is a donation from the universe
we must not let it be abandoned
we must not let it be unlived

She had been driven mad by the notion
Of the skin she had only begun to memorize
Removing itself from her reach once more
Her own body ached and cried
And she found herself tracing spirals on her thighs with her small fingertips
It just wasn’t the same
For it wasn’t the physical notion of touch she longed for
But the elation of senses their locked eyes created
And when she buried her face into his chest to feel his heartbeat
She could feel it
And when he told her things
She truly believed them
She told her heart to slow down
And keep time with her brain
Her wishes fell on deaf ears
Since (she should know by now) there’s no use telling the heart what to do
All she can do is continue to feel
To long for the skin, the truth
All she can do is listen to her brain and follow her heart

my heart rushes like a waterfall
i'm falling
full speed toward soft grass
tasting its moment as it breathes
the mountains huddle close around me
protecting me from the end of the world
while my thoughts ascend and float
above my head like smoke
and into the nests of the little birds in the trees
the future is upon us
hiding in the trees
when the wind carries it into my hands
i'll put it in your pocket for safekeeping
i'll follow that river that sprung from your waterfall

The spark in the eye of the mentor
keeps the student curious and hungry
and a grin of hope sends electricity
towards the feet of the weary.
Don't let weakness of heart
catch on to other muscles.
With a road that's so unforgiving ahead,
strangers must become teachers
and vagabonds must become friends.
In a world where the irony of each beautiful day must be forgotten,
the only thing left to believe in
is the love in each human eye.

pound the pavement
time is precious
life is short
whispers of existence are among us
no one seems to know they're there
yet gratitude still survives
and somewhere out there
a love holds strong
as long as it lives within each gift
each generation of cherishing that love
helps it live on

Tied to a post in the ground
in the most particular way
the rains are coming hard
but there's no cover in sight
The sky is crying
as brightly as the moon shines
At rope's end, the air is thinner
Breathing has become arduous
the deeper the sigh, the less substance is left

Somewhere a mourning dove has conquered her stage fright
She's calling to her lover
through the downpour

A spec of blue sky escapes for a second
from its grey prison
but the wind strikes it down
This show must go on
the dreams must prevail
With closed eyes, the storm cannot exist
Without fear, there is no hope

Unable to feel grass beneath bare feet
unable to run until your legs begin to refuse
you curl up like a dog
and the rain bears down
with unruly tenacity

intrinsic
lights, dimly flashing
all is well
yet, all is chaos
crevasses in skin
shine through
each scar for each pain
each smile for each hurt
a photograph keeps the dead alive
and brings back the pain of time
the joy of a beating heart
long since undone
and the sadness of never knowing
the way a heart can beat without its companion
is almost as terrifying
as knowing all too well
when that last rhythm has ceased
and those eyes will never shine
as permanent
as the picture that holds them true
and real
almost alive
but gone enough for acceptance to commence
and remembrance to hold steady
this is where memories are truly born
or where they may be butchered
or perhaps imprisoned in a glass case
never to be nurtured
always preserved
always cherished
never set free

even though you're drunk
and i'm leaving
(apparently over you but
the songs that play beg to differ)
your regret still stings me.
i can't see you but i know
you're picturing my body
and it hurts
my mouth burns with your aftertaste.

your passion is a mountain i've climbed
time after time
but i can't make it to the top
your desire is elusive
it slips through my fingers before i can think to grab on
i want to study your design like an architect
but your lips take hold of me
and i forget my purpose
we venture, nervously, but willingly
far from home
with a sleepy, silent return
the line between brave and utterly stupid
has been erased
so we're living on a diet of syndicated jokes
and liquid courage
to the point where none of it seems real enough to comprehend
where the honesty is almost trite
where i can't tell if you're afraid or sad
or happy, or maybe you just don't care
or maybe you're too afraid to care
because you know that i'll be missing the feeling of you beside me
that security of your body in the crowd of my thoughts
i haven't gone far enough to miss you yet
but i already pine for you when i sleep
the great wall of your shoulders makes me feel safe
the map of your skin guides my need
but in your world, i feel like a little girl
trying to convince kings to raze cities

her hands are calloused and scarred
from reaching too fast
and hitting all the hard places.
her voice is brightly hoarse and beautifully pained
from singing too loudly
like the tree frogs after a rain storm.
her skin twists and softens
like a stream with the smoothest stones at the bottom.
her face smiles like the moon in summer
and cries like the withered leaves shivering in the cold of winter.
her eyes match the color of the sky when it holds the stars between its fingers.
and sometimes, when the sunlight touches her hair just right, it mirrors the bark of ancient trees.
her wisdom is young.
her love has been murdered,
yet her smile holds the secrets of naive infatuation.
is she a child, or is she a ghost?
is she afraid, or is she jaded?
her body has been thrown from the sky,
yet her bones have never been broken.
she will always know pain
and laugh as it passes under her feet.

with jealousy,
the water memorizes the embezzled sky
and copies it with every spark.
the insects have awoken
rising from their grasses and bark.
with a pulsating surge,
the night breathes.
smitten with the silence, the birds
are sighing, killing the quiet.
this is where the night lives,
this is where it waits.
with the joy of a child, the twilight
bursts across the horizon
killing the fear of darkness.
wildflower fumes intoxicate the air,
vanquishing inhibitions and disguising them
for romance.
the night is wild with static,
but there's nothing to fear.

with everything that's happened
i hold this still to be true
i am like a tree
steady and strong
vulnerable and sad in the winter
my imperfections exposed
i drink too much coffee
i drink too much wine
i shiver and shake and let the wind push me around
and when the sun comes out
there's a strength that shines down on me
so that i can bloom and give and thrive
and you would never know the pain i've suffered
even if you chop me down
every bit of me has life and purpose
you can use me to mold and create
i will not cry, i will not mourn my own demise
for i have not yet met any such thing
i am like the house the tree created
unwavering, immobile but without roots
overflowing with memory
overwhelmed with nostalgia
anyone under my roof has become my brother
everyone who sits at my table is my mother
the world grows and crumbles around me
and i slowly decay in my own time
silently strong, i let them decorate me
they carry my comfort as their own
and i smile as they use me to the bone
i am like the operating table
i am like the flower that opens to the moonlight
i am like the paper upon which they document their dreams
all of these things provide strength through the darkness
i cannot falter

i heard you whisper
when you thought i was asleep

we had allowed our minds to get away from us
the insomniac's insanity
somehow kept us awake for hours upon miles
the elements pushing us along the pavement

but when the sun went down, you turned off the radio
and you told me that we were the music
so we lost our voices to the wind

in the morning, even the warmth of day couldn't move us from the sheets
the two of us
drifting and dancing in conscious dreams

and in the moment
your words were safe to flow past the dam of your teeth
you thought i was asleep

and your heart softly burst beside me
simply and dangerously
i tried my hardest to keep still
the rhythm of my breath like a swing

but i heard what you said
and even though you could blame it on the delirious ramblings
of a mind lost in space
i know you secretly wanted me to hear it

after the sweat has dried
and the sighs have lost their breath
she waits for him to look away
so that she can watch him think
and somehow find her way
through his maze
as the world turns around them
she stumbles, dizzy

vertigo has set in

like the second hand, she spins
like a candle flame, he flickers
wherever they roam,
they always remain

pieces of you scatter
shower me
surround me
you've left me a puzzle of poetry
words in every corner of the room
left for me to put together
and my heart swells on its own
your essence clings to the sidewalks
which connect our neighborhoods
two planets with a city block between them
waltzing through space
spinning across the kitchen floor
and a kiss lands between them
orbiting like a satellite to its cosmic mother
no longer aimless
in a storm of starlight

in a sea of missed connections
dozens of footsteps
and swinging arms
and focused gazes
the air pushes aside
and even through the dusk of mild spring
the shape of a meet cute
revisited
some kind of quiet determination begins
untangling knots for more than just the sake of it
breathing in
always just a sound away
from such profound thoughts

a soft shirt hangs loosely from your soft back
uninhibited
your fingers, magnetic
become rooted to your instrument
and your body shades the music you create
like a tree leaning over a galaxy of moon-soaked water.
your breath is a metronome
that fills the tiny silences with life
and adds punctuation to the melodic sentences you speak.
with what is left of its windy consciousness,
my body absorbs the urgency of a dangerous crescendo
like a slow, sweeping wave pushing me under
a blanket of warm water.
Then your stoic face pulls me back in
and i feel safe under your focused serenity
with each whispering note that comes after,
breathing sleep back into my eyes.
and, again, i'm washed away
this time, to paradise.

knuckled extensions on the fingers of trees
rattle like rain sticks,
their crinkled counterparts scurry across the grass
disguising themselves as field mice
fleeing from the grey clouds.
warbling from the sparrows in the hall
distract me from the television of paned glass.
and meanwhile, back where focus should be solid,
language is used, and wasted, and lost.
understanding sits on a fine, fragile line
where you'd rather be sipping on the freedom of understanding
than feasting on that which is wisdom.
the trees understand that reaching is their only goal
and the dried leaves of yesterday know their role in reincarnation,
but each is also aware of the demise of the other.
and all the people in all the houses,
sheltered by the scabbed and scarred hands of their ancestors,
remain focused towards the scattered, schizophrenic bright light
of the screens in their living rooms
and are completely blinded.
be aware that your senses are the most holy of gifts.
while outside, the planet continues to breathe
and the trees keep reaching.

the alarm clock slaps cold confusion against
my chest
my teeth, they grind
and a flock of birds, in a chorus of flapping
and screeching, take flight in my stomach

the ground lurches under my sore feet
as they recall the miles of tread they've laid
these days
but each step will always be more misguided
than the last

and there's no fear on my face
only pure determination to make these miles
mean something
serenity and childlike curiosity, grounded
and naive

these strange paths carry me with cold force
for i have continued choosing to walk
amongst my demons
following that pale, bright ribbon of
passion and peace

my eyes are tired from watching the clock
my heart is weary of beating so hard against my ribcage every time i think you might be close by
your eyes, clear and pale,
search me with urgency
but all i see are two bottomless oceans
and the distance between them
i'm not strong enough to tread those waters
and yet i remain close by the window
wearily watching
tired and waiting

The birds cry out
for the clouds are stained with the orange glow
of the populations beyond
The dusk grows heavy
and the forest begins to move in on me
It slides in closer, leaning it's shadows over my head
In the pastures beyond, the horses search the dirt with strong lips
for that sweet green grass
But out there, the wind bites
Here the trees protect me and keep me warm
They hug me with wooden arms
and wrap blankets of leaves around my shoulders
And even though the darkness is thick and alive
i feel nature breathe and i feel safe

we ride to the edge of our destiny,
turn around, and flee.
we're fueled by reckless thoughts,
we despise being careful,
and yet we're so sensitive to the opinions
of all those other fish in this big blue sea.
we're good at what we do,
lying to ourselves to make due.
living with things we hate,
hating what makes us happy.
knowing that nothing ever works,
but settling for what happens.
keeping the tension, even though we know
it's killing us,
it's what we're good at,
it somehow makes us strong.