Sometimes I feel
As if I'm sunlight
Filtering through the trees
Fighting to stay conscious
In a world I would rather
Dream

sometimes one of the most*
impossible things to do
to yourself
is to convince yourself
*that nothing is there

Staring down at my two feet
I feel like I can't breathe
My hands numb from the pulsing sleet
I can't keep a quiet mind

Thoughts travel unorthodox
Stupid and ****** up
And as the music winds to a stop
I can't keep the tears
Rolling down from the top

Keep away, keep away
I try to say yet from what?
Hold on against the
Current of the mad fray

Hold on just for the moment
And the static relays
Buzzing in my head
Will eventually ebb away

the riptide have ****** in
all that your chest can carry,
the salt is grating coldly
against the inside of your head,
leaving behind trails of grit,
killing the rippling thoughts
where the desperate ****
you hold onto cannot keep afloat
as the fury come crashing down,
thundering and screaming
a piercing whistle in your ears,
and that knotted, twisted clench
squirming underneath your ribcage,
you fight for a breath of air
yet the sea ***** you relentless
"where has gone the light?"
you ask,
"where has gone all the joy
of the world?"
you sink fast,
fast,
faster,
until the darkness starts
to drown in your head
do not cry, do not weep
do not lie in your bed alone
while your soul is weeping with sleet,
my dear,
you are never alone
the sun will come to filter
golden warmth on your sheets  
and crashing tides will steady
and the fury will clear,
guiding way to a life of tranquility

Prologue
a cavern grinning with flashes of teeth
to smile with those white things,
my love, my heart cannot help but seep
into the soft, soft soil it burrows down
and stretches its roots so that petals
and floral pigments radiate with heat
my love, I was brought to my knees
and the skies a turmoil of gray,
when you told me I couldn't be
yours to keep that day,
and so the days wore by
and my hands rummaged with
paradox melodies,
cracked with paint and sores
wondering at how I possible can
feel alone

Prologue
the reminiscent of your laughter
crooked gently in the stern of your chin
and the corners of your eyes
kissing the ends of your cheeks,
the fly of words a blushing fury
of the most beautiful syllables,
softly pecking at the strings
which stitched the folds of my heart
when I thought it would tear me apart,
to always exist along your side,
but to never have your hands folded around mine

Present**
the echo of the past still travels steadfast
and the petals which have bloomed in contrast
have drunk the glory while it last,
yet, my love, the sun is sinking fast
and the cold winter is creeping to steal
what was mine stolen by the flickering fireside,
connections burrowed deeper and the seed
grown into a magnificent willow in breathtaking strife
the jargon infused of salt, ridden from the shore
feels like a home where the prints from the sand
won't be blown away,
at night the waves play a silent game
with the tug of the moon and the succulent
kisses trickling in the gorgeous fray,
now by your side there is no where else
I would rather be,
kindling the fire to keep the permafrost
from creeping into your sheets
my friend, my dear, dear friend
heed my advice and believe,
scream at the sky with vigor and pulsing life
share the love you carry
from the mountainous caverns of your chest
and brighten the galaxy in everyone's night sky
like how you have done the same
for me
and soon, very soon, my dear friend,
as tragic as time endures unforeseen,
we would have to our part ways
so as long as we can,
lets hold our hands like how it used to be,
just like how it is now,
like how it is now

leap over bricked walls
with a dash of flying colors
actions stringed with paper weights
balanced on a scale
waiting to pounce upon hate
or false metaphors of fate
now, it's a glimmer of past memories
swarming in the outskirts of debate
I have seen the true colors
seeped into the broken promises
and neglected to waste
I try to die out the spark
in quick haste,
yet it still hurts
still, it burns
so I try not to look
and wait for the weather
and sweet sweet time
to erode the edges
and blur out the past
mistakes

Haiku  

(courtesy of my baby brother, a.k.a Baby Ninja)

ninjas are awesome
so yes ninjas are awesome
ninjas are awesome

do you ever feel like*
you are a ship
with the walls
still being built
yet you still
float along
the cerulean surf
*of the salty seas

I feel like I am a cup of cold tea in the morning*
I'm never too boisterous
to inflict pain
and unlike a hot cup of tea
I never simmer down
and watch the time take
the life from me
I am just always there
*just happy to be

you see*
our hearts beat to
its own death
so why not make the best
of our flesh, bone, and soul
while we still have
the vigor to scale
the tallest mountains
so when we reach the peak
we can see all that we
*achieved

bring on the sunrise,
the delicate furies
the dusty pollen drifting
in the riveting fray,
the scope of mountains
the shower of rain drops
felt trickling down
the top of our heads
picking up all the confusion
and dark scribbles which surround
our thoughts with threads
so take me to the beginning
and we can watch our lives
unravel together,
through the entanglements
and shivering lonesome nights
watch the threads slowly untangle
and wonder, my friend
where the end would take us

driven to madness*
by the thoughts
which punch in my face
generated by the inexplicable
things I can never have
so ******* miserable sometimes,
but everyone goes through that, right?
so is that okay?
is it ever okay to feel like this?
what, weather the storm?
I suppose I'll get through it
yet I don't want to plunge into
the salt ridden fury
all alone
so here I stand,
driven into the fog
where I feel like I thought
I saw the glimpse and understood
how the planets rotated in unison,
yet there was this streaking comet
spitting flares of breathtaking warmth
sweet like the particles of brown sugar
yet all in all the fog only thickened
and now I dwell in the depths
of a cluster **** solar system
and the planets even
may not spin at all
and now I walk
alone in the heaviness
*of a smothering fog

it feels like I'll never learn,
tomorrow.
the silence can be so
deafening,
the black windows
mirroring the only soul
by my pitiful side,

why is that so?

heedlessly spun out of control*
caress the flickering heat
which seethes into ruby monasteries
freshly flushed of an intimate cheek
the chatter of flashing white teeth
in the darkness encompassing
the silhouettes  of our laughter
and the giddy vigor
drifting, lurking unforeseen
the melting pool of stares
glimpsed through the chatter
of padded reminiscent sighs
and the lingering melody
of our glinting
*chipped feelings

if you exist,*
possibility
*I would like to know

an answer persisting*
of one word,
waits
so sing me a lullaby
before the void
*swallows me again

is it not that the favorite time*
of our orbiting day
is the moment
held on an eclipse
when the world is sleeping
and it is just you
saying hello to the sun
only, don't pay attention
if whether or not
the sun is setting or rising
because eight minutes from now
*well...who knows, right?

the fabrics which sew
my **** together
have been unraveling
since the day
I have met you

I try to hide my own misery*
and ignore through laughter
yet it shows in my paintings
at how the brush strokes
bleed with raging emotion
and the color black
keeps on creeping back
sometimes I suffocate
in the irreversible essence
of music lacking in syllables  
like an abstract painting
the truth is hidden
only in the eye of the beholder
yet, the tragedy of all of this
is as the one who wields the brush
and select the palette of colors
I end up seeing myself
on the canvas
and it reeks sickly, sweetly, violently
and it screams
so all I can hear
is the misery
of my very own
*existence

it's strange to be back
after days of sleeping
in the crevasses
of a secluded cave
of an inconceivable dream
under the streak of comets
which have showered me
with the wings of butterfly
to stop the paint,
to stop time
from dripping off the canvas
and out of context,
please, tragic one
the comet whispered
your time will come
in the parallel universe
I have saved just for you

a visitation misshapen*
from the draining havoc
replaced by the embrace
*left in my living wake

a smooth sailing into the blissful lilac sky*
feel the gentle ocean kiss
melt on the splintered white fists
the emeralds which twinkle
within every teeth of riptide
Kings and Queens of the
smiling, singing brink
they wrap in a lovely embrace
as the honey seeps into their marrow
*like instinct

blues splotches nestled
in grooves of wrists
the streaming of things
pulsing underneath the skin
as the warmth of each kin
slip through my grasp
how the strings in my ribcage knot  
please don't step on it
shall the bones render me
shatter into a thousand pieces
keep your knees close at ease
and chins snuggle in discreet
as I yearn from afar
the silhouetted body tangled
in reminiscent dreams
it's best not to wake you
your breaths whisk into distances
yet just don't forget about me
as I sit you drift
so the weight won't crush
what already have been embedded

the most dangerous phrase*
in any language is

"We've always done it
this way"  

~S.G

I was told to do something different
Outside of comfort zone,
Far from the hemispheres
Where my eyes and keen might have grown  
Like the roots of lavender ruffled petals
Swinging in the breeze of morning snow
A sigh of cascading pollen and softened gestures
To elevate the weight burrowed within my marrow
Such a captivating complexion of afternoon glow
If only my permanence wasn’t as easy to replace
Please try, if only the hushed murmurs snuck behind
Gloved hands and concrete walls
I live in a world where reality sees me through
The passing of each moment meant to portray
The fact that we all are wandering astray
Born in a minute and live to die the next
Believing we know which way is right,
Which tree leans to the left,
How can I possibly erase all the ****
Which messes with my head
The intricate distractions I choose
To hold hands with and call my best friend
Why is a constant battle to argue
Upon thresholds of annihilated truths?

do not be afraid to speak,
for when meeting someone,
a chapter begins

and once when that someone
becomes a part of your life,
a novel is born
and perhaps,
maybe,
a sequel

this side of the room*
are filled with those
who chooses not to
fill in the blank
we feel entitled
to fill
for
*happiness

an entitlement to sink teeth
despite running high,
these things which bite
keep still in kind, my love
as the swarming vowels
attack likes bees
stinging in past tenses
clinging to all the nonsense
keep eyes from gnashing to the moor
the floating whisper of smiles
delicate to gloss all in hurt
from the gravity of moors
and fill in the blank
you cringe as your face
there doesn't have to be
labels to speak in upper case
embrace the complexions
denied as innate fluidity
validation lies naught
in the eye of the beholder

don't romanticize who we are;*
*runaways like fire and brimstone

I cannot even begin to say
how the dusk settles at fray
how the sky illuminates
fog slithering across wet pavement
glossy dark obsidian
a mirror to the inferno above
the vast expansion,
the twisting of light flares
melodious in unison
with wind and sky,
cloud and nigh
keep the closest thing
in reach with me
before I get lost
again

a capsizing rotation
axis spinning on solitary grins
the fingernails grating
scratching for that foundation
or this upside turn
the wind is howling
and ears a ringing
heads are spinning
for that small fact
of gray, gray matter
looking too truthfully
to oneself,
wandering astray
beside gravitational pulls
the fear of
searching too closely
maybe look in the mirror
see who is standing
behind morrow's wrong
who have been holding
the keys to the door
and the lock
in a
pocket

funny how we are*
taken to hidden spaces
*in writing

a woven fabric
stitched neglect from margins
the float of syllables
cascading like ripples
of rustic leaves,
or pawing of flakes
of dazzling snow
blanketing like endeavors
held onto without reason
~gnashing of teeth
glossy reflections
tearing down, so dwell
its okay to buffer
and expose the fill
the echo of thought
converge hindsight
today, the snow will
glisten
the leaves will
listen
remember to keep
those things
sacred

a sweet spot glinting*
of rippling heights
*keep it close

flashing by like sunlight*
streaming through
*branches with golden fright

the periodical gnashing of teeth
and withered frail skin
splotched and wrinkly like
dry sheets of crinkled paper
the shuffle of feet
cannot able to cast feat
what once made
that old man smile
shiny brims
and rounded spectacles
the smell of old leather books
clinging in pockets of old folds
the memories tucked away
preciously like rubies and stones
and ivory casts whisking time away
like sail boats speeding down
a storming tidal wave,
the grittiness of sugar
and flour and pumpkin pie
the smell of hardened green wood
this old lady walks down the
flower path
a noon a day
an evening to so say
carrying within her the year of age
and fairy tale visions
once in possible divisions
such prior to her olden age
wisdom welled deep
her days a flashing by
keep on dreaming
she still prevails
so to fight
living her very
last days
in utter
bliss