When I was younger
I had this idea of love
As being a prewritten script

I’d spot you on the dancefloor
Our eyes would meet
You would smile
I would smile
We would dance the night away

All of a sudden you would have to leave
It’s okay though
You would leave your slipper
That way I could return it
So that you could be my princess

What I didn’t know is that dancefloors aren’t meant for lovers
Or that your eyes would be like medusas
Turning my soul to stone
And that when you left
You shoe would stay on your foot
Leaving me with an idea of love when I was a little older

Love was my dad in the navy
My mom the traveling nurse
Meeting in Hawaii
Getting married in a church
Her waiting while he was away
They’d love each other forever
After all, they had me.

But sometimes mom and dad fight
And sometimes mom and dad cry
Because let’s face it
Mom and dad had this idea of love
When they were younger
And this wasn’t what they had in mind

When I was a teenager i had this idea of love
She had freckles and green eyes
One half Irish
One half Indian
She had all of my heart
She told me to write down my feelings
And to trust in love
Love way talking on the phone till 2am
And holding hands in public

But no one told me that love could have a father
And that sometimes dads drink
And go missing for a few days at a time
Or that love could leave for 6 weeks
And that talking on the phone till 2am
Could turn into never sleeping
Because love wasn’t there
No one had warned me that love’s letters sometimes have misspellings
And that when love returns home she wouldn’t feel the same
And she never did
Four years later
Sometimes I think about love
But not too much
I am kind of done pretending

I wrote once to the hypothetical love.
I said love your letters to me have had some misspellings
First of all, the name was all wrong
And so was the person behind it.
So a little while later I was up late.
And I had this thought.
Finally, the name on the page was right.
The laugh and smell and smile and hair and love
All of it was what I had waited for.
Sometimes I look at you and just smile.
And you look back and say What?!
And I say nothing never mind.
Let’s face it its hard during the moment to say everything
How can I tell you what you did for me?
I don’t really trust people because a lot of the people close to me have ended up ******* me over. You helped me trust again. You allow me to live by the standards I feel I need.
But most of all you bring beauty to my life.
You make me smile and show me yours and I just about die
And you hug me when I am sad
And when I am happy
And angry
And nervous
And sleepy
You kiss me when I need to be kissed
And when I don’t and when I really want to be
You inspire me to do what I love
And you have given me a person to call family
I love it when your hair is on me
And I accidentally spill your ***** paint water
And get sauce all over
And I drive to the middle of nowhere
And then realize you don’t know where we are
I can’t imagine being happier while being annoyed
Because you are you and I am me and that’s enough for you
And that’s why sometimes I look at you
Because what could be better to look at.

All right here it goes let you tell you something about me
I am scared of the way you smile
Not because of you but because of me
I know that smiles lead to laughter and laughter leads to more
But soon after that you’ll make your way to the door
And say don’t let it hit you on the way out
As if anything could hit me harder than your words
As if anything could be worse then realizing what I lost
That the time and energy wasn’t just gone but wasted
Because lets be honest your words hit me like a truck
And apparently mine didn’t hit their mark
And now I'm sure your out there hitting Mark
Or john or that guy from down the road
But everything we had is gone and he doesn’t know
But what he doesn’t know wont hurt him
It cant hurt him because its hurting me
And one day maybe I can forgive you
But that day right now I cant quite see
Because I see you around and you look away
As if I’ve done something wrong
As if I didn’t give you my heart and ask only one thing of you
Here is my heart just please don’t break it
Because the pieces she left took years to replace
And the replacements don’t seem to fit quite right
And we don’t seem to fit quite right
So I guess when you said we should stop you were quite right
Here I am again though but the pieces are bigger
And I am easier to put back together
Because you had less of me than she ever did
And your smile didn’t make me melt
What it did do was remind of a time when I trusted someone
And now your smile reminds me of a time when I trusted you
And now I trust that you will never find someone like me
I am not even sure if that’s a bad thing
But I'm sure that its something and that my something is greater than yours
I know math says putting one and one together will make one greater
But one never made 1 cry
What I do know is 2 plus one is three and three is too many

If I were to write about you
I’d write about the stars
and how beautiful they look
and how beautiful you looked under them
I’d write about summer love
and spring
and fall
and winter
I’d write about arguments
And mistakes
I’d write about all the things i should have said
and all the times i didn't have too
I’d write about how songs remind me
and movies
And people
and places
and adjectives
and parts of speech
and worst of all you remind me of you
I’d write about the beginning
and the end
and that wonderful in-between
id write about how you made me smile
and made me cry
I’d write about broken hearts
and braking hearts
and having to piece them back together
I’d write about you
and about me
and about us
and what we used to be