I'm looking for a way to tell you that
you're the nicest abundance of chaos
I have ever known
and to write it is nice because
even if we still get some years left
you'll still read this
and know

Your name
like my teeth grew feet and danced across my lips
swirled and spun like your cigarette smoke
grasps my throat and cuts me up
and sews me back so gently
never has it caressed my mind
only stormed through it
but it floats through my breath
and chatters on my teeth
and growls and moans and
melts away into the air
and my sleepy eyes will search for yours
behind smoke and stupid words
my favourite of these being
your name

The flame to my heart is held by a girl
but she doth burn too lowly
her fire flickers slowly
and she trembles like aspen
if only-

she knew that her smile
could birth worlds anew
and her colours in her eyes
could shatter an opal's abounding hue
the way she shatters her wrists
against a china sink
and watches the blood run away with the water

She is so beautiful
all fallow and fawn
and coffee breath and unfriendly scorn
and chapped lips that I would kiss
I would

I tell her the stars will implode in their final hour
and they will all cry out her name
but she cannot notice the star riddled skies
under dark clouds and thunderous rain

And now we're back here again
after 5 months
light hair and
green eyes
never really left my mind
a whole weekend spent
repairing what was lost before
what we can't get back but
we can try

And you're not James Dean
no matter how many times
you try to get me to admit it.
But at midnight
you held me like Jim Stark anyway.

I'm glad I went to see you
so I know
you can still kiss me in the same way

There is a map in my room on the wall of my room and I’ve got big, big plans.
and I can see them slipping through almost feel them slipping through the palms of my sweaty hands.
and I move slow, just slow enough to make you uncomfortable.

you say ''I hate you'', you mean it and ''I love you'' sounds fake
it's taken me so long to figure that out.
I used to love the taste I would do anything for it.
now I would do anything to get the taste out of my mouth.
and you're so confident but I hear you crying in your sleeping bag.

but you were broken bad yourself
you were mad as hell you felt
if you had done anything with anyone else it would have worked out so well.

But you are an artist and your mind don’t work the way you want it to.
one day you’ll be washing yourself with hand soap in a public bathroom.
and you’ll be thinking ''how did I get here?''
''where the hell am I?''
if the roles were reversed you could have seen me sneaking up, sneaking up from behind.

She sees these visions, she feels emotion.
she says that I cannot go she sees my plane in the ocean.
and what about your friends? don’t you love them enough to stay?
and I say if I don’t leave now then I will never get away.
let me be a blue raft on a blue sea I’ll blend right in.

nights are best spent
melting into my bed
feeling waves crash over me
being pulled down to the depths of the sea
in the thin air
when the blankets feel like waves

and I can't see beyond this roof but-
I know there are stars above me
that knowing doesn't much frustrate me
I wish this world didn't have such a-
hold over me

I wish I could
drown in the sea
not my bed
it would be a far more honest way to die
I'd rather be ripped apart in a tide
than
black out under sheets
again

Tonight I watched the sky for longer than I'd ever done before
The white afternoon deepened to crystal and
I saw each star gently fade into view
until darkness covered me
like the clouds covered the waxing, weeping moon
and astral tears melted from its craters
and on nights like this I usually
think of Van Gogh
or McNeill Whistler's
Nocturne in black and Gold
but tonight I thought of
how there are more stars in the sky
than
drops of water on Earth
sorry

When I was young, younger than before
I never saw the truth hanging from the door
And now I'm older--see it face to face
And now I'm older--gotta get up clean the place

And I was greener, greener than the hill
Where flowers grew and sun shone still
Now I'm darker than the deepest sea
Just hand me down give me a place to be

And I was strong, strong in the sun
I thought I'd see when day is done
Now I'm weaker than the palest blue
Oh so weak in this need for you

My cold feet cannot be warmed
in the fire that is my heart

I wish I were Frida Kahlo's vibrant Mexican flowers

Or Salvador Dali's dripping watch

Van Gogh's maleficent moon

Warhol's saturated polaroid

Klimt's ****** lips

Or Vermeer's cornflower blue and singular pearl

But I am yet to make a stroke in ones historical
aesthetical
eye

Darling
you may dwell in your castle
your big, empty chamber
you may fill it with diamonds and pearls
you may bathe yourself in the milk of the Gods
and you may rest in the eye of the moon
You may spew riches
and dispose of that opulent and rancid mess
feed it to the peasants
You may greet your subjects in Gold
and kiss your lover in Silver
you may spear down lions for their jaws
and only dance with those in purple
and only sleep with those with silk sheets

Darling
there are no silk sheets in graves
you may lie
and rot
next to the peasant
who ate your week-old
bronze tat
and loved the lion
in the wild
not the jaw on the mantelpiece
and the same green grass will grow above you both
the same roses will spurt from your marble
and their stone
and your bones will both be white and withering
more so than the lion's jaw

Why do you fill my sorrow
with the words you've borrowed
from the only place you've known?
And why do you sing Hallelujah
if it means nothing to you?

Why do you sing with me at all?

I will simply
fade
out of your arms
float
out of your eyes
seep
out of your blood
drift
out of your mouth
leak
out of your mind
drip
out of your memory

*forever the drizzle, never the hurricane

So many times I have heard
''It's not a crime to love''
''I love
I love
and there's no law against it''
so then why is it treated that way?
I want him to hold his boyfriend's hand and not
be scared of their words
like handcuffs
I want her to kiss her girlfriend's lips
with her eyes closed
for once not looking around the busy Sunday streets
at who is staring
I want their bodies to blend
just like everyone else's
free from laws
free from prohibition
and hatred, disgust
simply for gender
because hey
look
they both wear makeup
or they're both in dresses
they met whilst playing on the all-male football team
when they were born
their baby showers were themed blue
when really, gender is not a colour
just like love is not a gender
and no love-banning law
will make love a criminal act

It's not a crime
to think their skin is made of constellations
it's not a crime
to feel warmth in your bones when they're lying beside you
it's not a crime
to kiss them with passion so intense
it makes your own heart fleet to your stomach
And I don't want to live in a world
where the crime is not in the bloodied fist of the attacker
or the cruel words spat from their mouth
but in the man with the red river gushing from his nose
simply because he gave his heart to another man

My veins have cracked like fine china
on a cold stone floor
now, I write this, to whom I adore

I swim in a cesspool of love, alone
and these lovely, lovely waters do chill my milky bones
my bones all ripped are gently sewn
by the one I adore

There is a resting place, in the forest of dreams
whereby dreams are only choked by the rivers reeds
and after sewing bones, he is sewing seeds
the hands of he whom I adore

There is a pearlescent white sky, yet I lay on the floor
stabbed by the pins of the one I adore
my body will rot into the flowers that once grew
and they will bloom, and say
''I love no one
no one like you.''

I wish I were a Warhol silk screen
hanging on the wall.
Or little Joe or maybe Lou -
I'd love to be them all.
All New York city's broken hearts
and secrets would be mine.
I'd put you on a movie reel
and that would be just fine.

00:01
I feel sick now and awfully lethargic. I think I may die. I am going to sleep.

00:23
I was being dramatic. I shan't die... not yet, anyway.
But someday I will, and so will you. Your pages will rot and melt into the ground, and no one will read you. And your paper will grow into trees and my words the leaves, and won't they be blown by the wind, and those leaves die? But that is words, and thoughts, and feelings. They are not everlasting, but they are certainly thought again, and felt again, and said again, and again, and again...

Hereby, the night is my Valentine
and what I lack in love song
I hear in the harsh wind's lullaby.
I see the moon letch out the ivory tusk of night
and the ashen clouds will cradle the stars
and lay upon the words I write.
Then the welkin whisked the blackened embers
thus the moon became my spirit guide
creating spring from bleak December's
my night proposal, then my morning bride

At the lecture
of Philosophical means
I saw you again
it's been two years, hasn't it?
Yes, it has.

You look very different now
you wear glasses
and you're skinny
and your cheekbones are refined
but it's been two years, hasn't it?
Of course, of course you have changed

I glanced
I didn't smile
I glanced the whole day through
the same smile
the same eyes
the same arched eyebrow
I couldn't help but miss you

I think from time to time
how things would be
if I hadn't ruined things
it wasn't you, I know it was me
two years ago I hurt people
two years ago I loved you
two years
and I still miss you

Now we live different lives
and there we met again
I with my peers and you and your friends
subtle glances
silent thoughts
of how things would have been
after two years
of singular
once one year of one entity

At the end of the day
the rain began to fall
and I walked past you
trying not to notice at all
and you walked away in a distant haze
and I watched you
in the February rain
two years of unanswered questions
now still do remain
two years
and counting
two years
stays the same

She is a thick acrylic
she'll latch on to your canvas
she is the vibrant red of your beating heart
the rainstorm blue in your eyes
she will never fade away
there are millions of layers to her
that you can never strip

I am a washed out watercolour
a faint sweep of the spectrum
a drab and fleeting glance
dilute me
and it's like I was never there
the part of your pallet
that you will forget come morning

I feel like a ghost
I'm sure I am
I float through wall to wall
and no one ever sees me
I paint myself bright
and no one ever sees me
I look into their eyes
and they look right through me
maybe I should stay black and white
so they don't feel haunted by me

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand
Hope you find out what you are; already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again
You can tell me how vile I already know that I am
I'll grow old, start acting my age
It'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate
A crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts to hold on, but it's missed when it's gone

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of this state
You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits, or get a grip
You say you wanted a solution; you just wanted to be missed

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget
So you can forget, you can forget

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second-hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

One sunny morning
I'll wake up in San Francisco
my permanent home
I'll wake with a smile on my face

And one sunny morning
I'll stare into that sun
and write my poems down
with quills and rose scented paper

One sunny morning
I'll drink with the best of them
and talk philosophy with a beautiful novice
and write about his smile

One sunny morning
I'll take visits down to France
and fall in love with you again
and let you read my art

One sunny morning
I'll taste blue lakes
and feel warm winds
and never cry again

One sunny morning
I swear
I'll be a morning person
because you'll be there

Finite Journey’s
to incarnate worlds
I try judging all my footsteps on the prisms of the girl
I tread on the ground where the devils fear to tread
I must have woken fifty times in your eyes
or in your head

And now, my darling darkness
how I wish to make it clear
how a history of men
could rip my mouth from ear to ear
but I could tell you,
or show you
that you’d only just blow on my lips
and they would part voluntarily
for they are yours, and never his

I've spent half of my life
wondering

And a lot of time
wandering

24 hours a day
I walk on the harsh rocks of life
and swim in the salts of its tide
simply walking
wandering
and thinking
wondering
all my life

But how strange it is now
that I have wandered the whole world through
the one thing I don't need to wonder about
is you