Now as the train bears west,
Its rhythm rocks the earth,
And from my Pullman berth
I stare into the night
While others take their rest.
Bridges of iron lace,
A suddenness of trees,
A lap of mountain mist
All cross my line of sight,
Then a bleak wasted place,
And a lake below my knees.
Full on my neck I feel
The straining at a curve;
My muscles move with steel,
I wake in every nerve.
I watch a beacon swing
From dark to blazing bright;
We thunder through ravines
And gullies washed with light.
Beyond the mountain pass
Mist deepens on the pane;
We rush into a rain
That rattles double glass.
Wheels shake the roadbed stone,
The pistons **** and shove,
I stay up half the night
To see the land I love.

Every day gets a little bit darker
Every thought even starker
It takes control of me
Giving me no space to breathe

Each breath is harder to take
Each smile a little more fake
It manipulates my mind
And whispers "you're mine"

Most times I no longer have hope
Most moments I can't even cope
It has latched on firmly
Telling me dark lies in the night

Many thoughts scream in my mind
Many joys now hard to find
It confuses me
Making my life like a black hole

All my dreams have faded away
All my days turned a desolate grey
It's over
It's done
Depression has finally won

I gave birth to my mother yesterday.

There she is- running around,
laughing about- dead dolls in
hand, yellow hairbands and
blue tees.

Perhaps she was not mine to
give birth to- perhaps I was
hers.

I had painkillers for breakfast.
To-night, I dine on my mother's
soul.

I dined on whispers yester-night.
To-night, I write the stories.

you don't need a boy
to pick you up when you are down
you have yourself

don't drown yourself
when you know how to swim

stay awake until you are tired
do not force yourself to sleep, or to stay conscious

if someone asks you how your day was
don't lie and say it was good, if it was not
they asked because they care

do not fear the indifference you feel
you are not numb to the whole world and it will pass

don't do anything unless you want to
this goes for ***, school, work and love

nothing in this world comes above your health
if it means failing a test, losing a job, or ending a relationship
do what you must to withhold your wellbeing

all bad things in moderation can be good
moderation is key here

love is never to be feared, nor is it to be abused
love is to be taken when needed
and given back when necessary

nobody can tell you how to live or who to love
nobody but yourself

if that boy you like
asks to take you out on a drive at midnight
and you don't think you can go, do it anyway
but stay safe

face the consequences of all of your actions
with dignity and pride

it's Friday night and the week has been tough
don't give up now
take a sip of  your parents' rosé wine
coat your lips in rouge
and love yourself

In the sky there is a lonely star,
and in my heart there is a starless sky.

With the help of friends and methamphetamines
its been forty-eight hours since I've slept
but I am not tired.

Last night I laid awake on a lovely boy's couch
thinking of the moments we spent together
and I couldn't help but replay them in my brain
over and over,
hoping beyond hope for sleep
and you to share it with.

I guess I didn't see your scars,
blame it on the lighting or the beer,
but I knew they were there.
As my hands felt their way across your beautiful landscape,
I took special care not to rest them upon the raised, pink lines,
not wanting you, for even a moment,
to think the thoughts you thought when you created them.

I would tear my skin wide open,
stretch it across all the seas seven hundred times,
if it meant a single, tiny scratch would never find it's way onto your body with the guidance of your hand, the guidance of your starless night sky of a heart.

I can't sleep, I can't rest my eyes.
Need to work harder this term,
Or I'll never get a job.
Need to get a job so I
Can work to get one later.
What will your face look like when
You see me? Will mine mirror
Yours? Do you still want to be
With me? Or are you sick of
My insecurities? I
Can't go back to the empty
Chatter and the meaningless
"I love you"s, sitting around
Waiting for absolutely
Nothing to happen.
Stabbed by passive aggressive
Thoughts unleashed like a weapon.
But this might not matter 'cause
The plane could crash or explode
And I won't have to worry
About a thing...except for
Medical bills, catching up
On schoolwork, notifying
Those who matter, offending
Those who don't. Maybe if I'm
Lucky I'll slip into a
Coma and rest for a while...
But that's no good because I'll
Just worry everyone else.
But really, I am just fine.
Just what are you doing? Don't
Look at me closely. I told
You that I'm fine, I'm okay.
Please have a nice day and don't
Worry about me. I'm fine.