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Do people really get kissed
like characters do in movies and books?
Pushed up against a wall
Hot breath and lust clenched fingers, or
In an airport in front of security
Teary eyes and tight hugs
Soft and slow and
Full of want and love.
Do they happen?
Or have I just been in
the wrong place my entire life?
And if these kisses do exist,
Why haven't I experienced
anything remotely close to that
Sweet perfection?
Why have all of my kisses been
so hasty and ugly and well,
completely ******?
And who are these guys,
That I have let kiss me,
Who do they think they are?
That they can kiss me like that,
And not even care?
All I get are senseless, strung out lips
looking for another score.
What I want,
Need actually,
Are kisses that make me forget
what i'm thinking
what day it is
what's going on around me,
Kisses that remind me of campfires
and old movies, and rainy summers
filled with lightning bugs and
long walks in sunflower fields.
I want to kiss someone and
feel like I'm back in my microscopic town
catching lady bugs, lying in tall grass
watching the setting sun and feeling a
warm breeze wash over my skin and
seeing it dance with the trees and birds.
I want someone to kiss me, and
make me feel free and whimsical,
Like walking among the sunflowers,
not knowing where they end,
not caring if they don't
because it's beautiful.
I want to be kissed
like the world is ending
like I am the most important thing
and if they don't kiss me
then nothing will ever matter again.
If it's out there,
and god do I hope it is,
I will look for it.
I will find it.
I will.
I find poetry hard to come by.
Prose hidden under tangled tongue and translucent thoughts.
I won’t look at them, straight in the eye.
Know them for the truths they are.

My eyes are covered, and so you are not there
and neither am I.
Playing peek-a-boo with life’s lessons,
when I part my hands,
uncover my eyes,
and stare you down,
will I see with some kind of clarity?

Or will it be like staring out a foggy window,
passing your shirt sleeve over glass to wipe away the droplets,
only to find the mist is on the other side of the pane.

If I had any sense, I would turn and run.
But when did happiness start depending on sensible things?
And when you try to answer this, don’t mistake happiness for its less attractive sibling: contentment.

You can take your sensible sentiments of contentment,
and shove it.

Happiness I starve for,
and will strive for.
Contentment is the less savory meal
that fails to satisfy and nourish.

To some it is tolerable.
But I will tolerate the ridiculous,
combat sorrow and hardships of all kinds,
for just a morsel of that dish we all deserve a little bite of.

I will seek you out with a smile,
Happiness,
until a piece of you is mine.
Darling sister,
with your hair the purest shade of carrot
falling to the middle of your back,
and eyes the clearest blue,
and freckles splattered across your nose and cheeks
like the angels couldn’t stop blessing you once they started.
You look far too much like a ghost of my past.

Your sparkling curiosity,
your tendency to stay up far too late
because you just can’t put your book down,
not yet, because it’s just getting good
and you want to know what’s next.
The innocence of your smile
and the heartiness of your laugh.
You look far too much like a ghost of my past.

Forgive me, but you are scarier
than any monster in the shows I watch.
Because when I think about how you crave my approval,
how you cling to my company
like it’s the last time you’ll ever see me again,
and how you say, “Will I be like you when I grow up?
We’re just like twins! We’re sisters forever!”
It feels me with liquid fear,
like silver nitrate is being pumped through my veins.

You haven’t seen the darker side of me.
Not all of it, not the breaking down of my very psyche
as the world prepares to squeeze the live out of me
the way we squeeze Jell-O through our teeth
because we think it’s fun.
No, you don’t see the times where I don’t want to face the world.
Instead you see this quirky older sister that you probably always wanted,
I know I did.

I want to be that older sister, the one that you look up to,
the one that takes you places and teaches you things and
helps you understand how to survive in this world.
But I’m scared that I can’t.
I’m scared that one day I’m going to fall,
like Sherlock off of St. Bart’s.
But unlike Sherlock,
I don’t think I’ll be getting back up again.

I don’t want you to see me fall.
I want to be The Boy Who Lived for you,
and **** it if I’m not going to try.
Sure, I’m terrified of all this role model stuff,
it’s not easy, not by a long shot.
But you need me and I’m going to do the best I can.

Love,
Your Big Sister 4Ever
8th grade.
That was the year everything
went to hell.
That was the year I went on a diet.
I decided to shed
my last shred
of dignity,
along with 60+ pounds
in order to impress the boy with the dark, curly hair.
That was the year I lied to my parents.
"Did you eat dinner?" they asked.
"Yes," I replied,
and they believed me.
They couldn't tell
that something wasn't quite right
with their perfect little girl,
who was starving for the perfect body,
and for attention from the boy with the dark, curly hair.
That was the year teachers began to ask questions.
Mr. May, with the spiky hair and burly arms,
glanced suspiciously at my pale skin,
eerily translucent and decorated with bruises.
Mrs. Fitz, who had recently been on a diet herself,
always made sure that I had a lunch,
although she never made sure I ate it.
Mrs. *****, a small woman with a big personality,
used to make comments about eating disorders
just to get a rise out of me,
and when that didn't work,
she went a step farther.
Mr. Daley, the 7th and 8th grade guidance counselor,
consumed every lie I fed him,
and when I grabbed a Jolly Rancher off his desk
on my way back to class,
he smiled with triumph,
as if he had cured me,
but he didn't see me throw it away
as soon as I got home.
Those extra 15 calories
would have ruined my chances with the boy with the dark, curly hair.
That was the year I couldn't leave the house without a sweater
because, even on the warmest day, I couldn't stop shivering.
That was the year all of my hair fell out.
That was the year I lost most of my friends.
That was the year everything went to hell
because of a boy with dark, curly hair.
the voice tells me i am
worthless
irrelevant
ugly
fat
stupid

some days i block out the voice
and i am happy
but some days i listen
i cry
i believe what the voice tells me
and i am sad

and each day
the voice gets louder
and stronger
the voice tells me to starve
to exercise
to purge
i listen
i obey

when i feel brave
i will rebel against the voice
i eat
and eat
and eat
and eat
until i am numb
unitil i do not hear the voice anymore

i feel free
out of control
the voice comes back now
the voice tells me
to stop
to purge
because i am fat
too fat

i want
to get rid of the voice
so badly

i want to be free

i want to be normal

help
me
 Jun 2013 Enid M Hughes
raudha
lost
 Jun 2013 Enid M Hughes
raudha
i lost myself
when our eyes first met
hearts ablazed with desires
minds cluttered with questions

i lost myself
when we first talked
strings of conversations
stomach full of butterflies

i lost myself
when we went out
awed of your presence
two souls next to each other

i lost myself
when we first touch
a sting to my chest
a cure for loneliness

i lost myself
when we fell in love
gaps were filled
two souls as one

i lost myself
when we fell apart
for i knew
i wasn't going to be the same again
i look at life through the small end of the telescope

where problems seem so far away
then i can take time in dealing
with the issues i'm dealing today

i look at life through the small end of the telescope

so what ever life wants to hurl
is not big enough to bother me
when what's in front of me is the smallest of worlds

i look at life through the small end of the telescope
Th poems were walking down the street

A young teenage girl,
A Professional Loser, but life lessoned and in possession of
Eagled-claws and tongue razored sharpened
From gettin/givin acidic high school barbed kisses
(She maintained up to date put down lists),
Swooped them up, hers to imprison,
Framed them to be soully hers,
Purposed for skin restoration during the wee hours of the
Crying Nights

A middle aged man, tired from failure,
Trapped tween lost rock n' roll dreams and
Unsuccessful retirement planning,
Suffocated by the hands of twixt and tween,
Grabbed the three, like a rock climbing hand-hold to
Take him home when and where his family looks at him
Pathetically.

This grandfather espied the other two,
Looked liked old familiars, friends maybe,
But eyes/words, dimmed, disparu,
Memories unsorted, disordered, jumble-merged,
Perhaps the words to a song he once knew complete,
But did he write that phrase, or was he just a poet
Thief?

The three poems went about their business,
Bringing heaven to earth,

FYI, even Angels can't be everywhere, so,
God invented poems to do his ***** work,
Cleansing souls.


They rode in~out of town on a prankster wave,
A cheering throng was not around,
But a singular poet saw, recorded the vision,
And thus, this nameless poet,
Below unmasked, unsealed,
Cleansed one more soul,
And that soul, this soul, as required,
Paid it forward.
Paid as in the past tense
Dedicated to the poet/poem,
Balachandran from Thiruvananthapuram,
Whose laurels decorate, cleanse me

* Billy Joel's "Piano Man"
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