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 Oct 2014 ephemeral
Creep
Digging
 Oct 2014 ephemeral
Creep
Pushing through
the rough and tough,
I surge forward and use what little strength I have.
It didn't have to be big,
just very deep,
and I continued to shove through everything,
pushing away, the way one might do when one swims,
I pushed away.
Once the hole was deep enough,
I ****** my mutilated hand
down my clogged throat
and shifted around inside, searching with invisibility
what you finally left behind for me.
I had put it back into my cage,
I am only a slave owner after all,
just to put it here.
No use for it now.
You see where this little ******* got me?
Now I don't need it anymore.
I found it and grabbed it limply
as it half-heartedly (haha) began to
grow bigger and smaller,
like the way you used to when you were younger
when you breathed in and out of a paper bag.
I grasped it and stared at it for awhile, this
this thing that was once so
colossal and scarless and innocent and so
so perfect.
It stopped moving.
I threw it onto the ground next to its grave, crushed it, twisting my foot
to do away with this evil little spider that lived in me once,
and kicked all the guts into the hole.
oops, I forget a piece, a thing that vaguely looked like the right atrium,
and I kicked it in with the rest of the crap.
I shoved some dirt into the hole,
covering everything  left of this thing that I once called a heart,
and walked away.

Now just watch me come back a couple days later
finding it,
digging it up,
and force feeding it to my cage.
oops idk, not related to break up, just wanted to write this for awhile now :) rip to my dead soul and heart and body. its been dead for awhile now :) (again not related to this, it has been dead since the 7th grade)
 Oct 2014 ephemeral
Creep
[10w]
 Oct 2014 ephemeral
Creep
It watched, it came.
My death began at my birth.
 Oct 2014 ephemeral
Creep
I've been thinking a lot lately,
I miss you.
Remember our talks?
Yea those ones.
They made me so happy,
happier than you would know,
and I was so glad,
that for once,
I was helping someone,
making their day better rather than
******* everything up like I always do.
You moved.
I stayed with you,
your one hopefully long term friend.
Then you left.
You left me with a message from you, written by your brother,
you were in the hospital.
and now you're gone.
I miss talking to you,
that one silly conversation we had
powerful combinations, and awesome magical abilities.
I want to help you,
to keep that promise and be your one long term friend,
get you through those tough times and all that moving.
Let's talk again sometime soon, k?

;* Pauline
does anyone know what happened to "That Asian Josh" ?
message me or comment if you have any info about his whereabouts or any way i can contact him... thanks....oops that sounded like a police report lol but srsly
 Oct 2014 ephemeral
Ellie Shelley
I'm falling in love with someone I've never been able to touch.
 Oct 2014 ephemeral
Creep
i was a full jigsaw puzzle once,
then i gave you a piece
so i can feel the sensation of being whole
around you,
so that i could learn what love feels like.

when you walked away with the piece in your hand,
clutched,
i was broken,
shattered,
empty.
I will never be whole again.

I've tried to make a new piece with clay,
but it just doesn't fit as perfectly as that piece once did.
i hope you give it back,
but i doubt you will.
idk guess im "livin la vida loca" (ricky martin)
haha *attempts a smile and laugh*
 Oct 2014 ephemeral
Creep
cup
 Oct 2014 ephemeral
Creep
cup
It took me almost a week to be able to fully grasp,
you were my boyfriend.
You were mine to talk to,
to hold and cradle right there in my heart,
a fragile glass cup to hold onto
and to never let go off.
I kept you there,
filled you up with my thoughts, my feelings, everything.
I gave it everything.
Even in times where I had nothing left to give,
where I was so busy I couldn't even breath,
I gave you 24 hours.

Now, I guess,
it will take me a month or more to let you go.
'Cause no matter how hard I try to drop
this intricate glass cup that I hold on for dear life to,
but yet so delicately and softly,
the ******* cup won't fall from my hands.
I can't drop it and run away,
nor can I let go at all.
Smashing it didn't work. Nothing is working.
You have stopped filling it up
with the ambrosia we call "selfies" and "texts"
undeserving words for this succulent and rich flavor
that once filled my cup.
All I have left are a few sips,
and with my greed,
I drink it all up.
The bottom is now my enemy, and it
glares at me mockingly.
I look away and try to release my terse grip on this
this last piece of you...

You have smashed my cup that I gave to you,
emptied it of your smiles, your texts, late night love notes.
It was left on a desk,
and you walked away.
Because you are that type of guy.
You wouldn't hurt me.
No one hurts me.
I hurt myself.
lovely cup by grouplove... was thinking about that song while writing this, but this is all me and my thoughts of you, alex... <3 im getting over you slowly, don't worry babe...
I can't even write
Because my minds pre-occupied
Worrying about you
Your will to live
If the skin is split
Upon your wrist

when I wake, will you be there?
Or was the weight to much to bare?
You know I'd bare it all
For the beautiful girl who made me fall

So in love,
But I'm never enough,
To take that weight off your shoulder
You're going uphill carrying boulders
And I cant do anything but watch

With strained eyes,
As the love of my life
Is losing her mind
While I sit here and whine
Because I feel so ******* helpless

Why can't I save you?
Don't seek shelter from the storm, life is about rebuilding.
 Oct 2014 ephemeral
Creep
I finally let my mind
sprint for you
and search for you
in that hollowed skull of mine,
but it couldn't find anything.

So it was then that it anxiously,
no, restlessly,
like a scared beastly creature in the night,
did it begin to claw its way down,
all the way down
to my heart,
all the while as I was choking
and desperately tearing myself up,
and weeping in a manner no sane person would weep like,
like a limb has been lost,
with anger and frustration and terror,
just pure anguish.

It ran in circles around the
miniscule, mauled thing
that was all I had left of a heart.

It was empty.
*punches something*
utter crap but i stopped caring...
It's all in the past.
You never see my pain.
It's behind a mask.
You say to forgive and forget.
I'm going to make the day you met me,
A day you'll regret.
Get out of my mind.
Memories get in my way.
I wish someone could ease the pain.
It's time to let go and forget everything.
You said you loved me, I doubt it was true.
All I want to do is forget you!
But I can't.
I still have feelings for you.
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