surging through the woods
bouncing and shaking on rough terrain
almost hitting trees
but wanting to go faster
up over hills and almost flying over
hitting trees and toppling over
and just laughing and getting back on

kicking into third gear and soaring down hills
simply for the fear and thrill
of shredding through empty corn fields
thinking your safe when all you have is plastic to protect you
but I just go faster
into forth because the thrill is the best part
barley having control
but never crashing and burning

when you try to break a cookie half, someone always gets a bigger piece
torn from they're heart
someone always hurts more
even if they said they're "okay" with it


Don't you see
or are you blind?
oblivious?
you always were
you think i'm okay with this?
well i'm not! inside i'm braking to bits
because hearts aren't perforated to break down the middle
so yes, i'm hurting more than you know
you always saw so little
is this, this uneven split
what is called mutual?

I want you to know
The confident girl you see
Is a sculpture of shards,
Shards of glass and broken hearts
Held together by plaster
From the smile plastered on her face

Glass shards from the first time
The first time when nails werent enough
Glass from when the broken frame
Falling fron the dented wall


Shards of her once perfect life
Ran over by the swirving car
The night she saw....
The night she decided she had to stand tall
But even skyscrapers fall

A heart broken by ***** lips
And pounding hips
Lips that forced and lied
Tongues that whispered promises
But just lead to teary eyes
A heart broken from believing
Just to be left behind

This empty sculpture is filling
Recognizing its worth,
Recognizing theres stregnth in parts
She learning how to give you her heart

Her heart is broken, But forgiving
So she keeps on giving
Fi.ds the stregnth to keep living
Shes has given you her heart
Love her, love her smart

Society
the place where you are expected
to wear a mask
a facade
because forbid you're different
you're not a size 2
don't share the same views
And if you don't
wear a mask
to this masquerade we call life
then its an icy blast
of cold shoulders
because you're different
you don't care
you would rather live you life in the light
than play masquerade

I was told
110 percent is just effort and excuses
I didnt understand but i know now
Love is 110 percent
You can give everything annd anything
Do everything you can
But the results still fade
They fade, they fade
Just as fast as only giving 10 percent
But you're left with an aching heart

just stop
yeah it's going to be hard
but you have to stop
you can't start again
until you stop
you know it's bad
so why the heck do you do it?
you don't like,
your friends don't like it.
So fix it
and stop it
before you regret it

there are some people, who go through the motions
they don't care
at least, that's what they want us to think,
because they could care-less
they say school doesn't matter
yet, they spend hours studying.
simply, to avoid getting in trouble.
To prevent getting things they care about taken away
so, they do care
just, about not caring
they say they don't care about labels
or means names
but punches still hurt
even if you say they don't
they say they don't give left hand about anything
because they're stuck,
stuck, in a paradox of not caring,
because when they don't care,
they say don't care because they care.
but because they care the have no choice but not to care

It's the little things
it's the way we met through a cadet
wingmen ship at its best
both awkward and just a little tipsy
talking to you was so easy
but I wasn't and you knew
you asked me to keep a bottle cap
keep it under wraps till i gave it back
i did, and that goofy smile on your face
it didn't look the slightest bit out of place
You gave me another token, a tab
But then you got tired and called a cab
I haven't had a chance to give it back
so I'm left with a bottle tab and snap chat
guess we have to hangout to give it back

Ive never been a rule breaker
Ive been a good girl
But i learned from pop music
That good girls are bad girls
that havnt been caught
And its true
I was tangled in your arms
Caught in your embrace
In the early hours
When most slept we laughed
At the rude games we play
Teasing but to awkward not to laugh
Scrawny teenage bodies intertwined
I was caught ib the night
Caught in the moment
Caught in your arms calling you mine

they will say it was "just a kiss"
I know because I said it too

I was 12, only in seventh grade
and in case you were wondering,
I wore gray jeans, a black sweater, and boots
let's be honest we all went through a goth phase or two
and he, he was dark and mysterious
the bad boy type every pre-teen girl swoons over
I was the good girl, straight A's and naive
hell, it's beginning to sound like a fairy tale
but it wasn't, see I said "no"
this would be the first of many ignored "no"s

we were waiting for the bus
no, we were not alone. not just us
and he told me "just a kiss goodbye"
I said no, "no please just go"
but instead, he cornered me
and how could I ever fight back
he was 5'10 I was barely five feet
I tried to duck away
he took his hands forced me to stay
I turned my head looking anywhere but him
he took his hand made me face him
said "but I like you" I said "please, no thank you"
he tried again, I turned and said "NO"
and there we were, just a kiss
and with that, he left a smirk across his face
I looked to my friend, he saw it all happen
didn't say a single thing
one boy yelled "****"
but no one listened

I ran to the bathroom, back to the stall
silent sobs echoing off tile walls
I rubbed my lips, scrubbed them raw
rinsed my mouth with soap and water
just to wash it away hoping that,
maybe if I scrub hard enough It didn't happen

but it did

and I reminded when I called it quits
gathered the bravery to say we are done
and he responded with "you'll pay for this ***"
the next day I was greeted with
****, *****, thirsty, ****
he told everyone I asked for it
He said I liked it rough
I retaliated but his word was worth more than mine
but tell me how can I like it rough
I didn't even know what that meant
that was just the beginning
it all started wth just a kiss

its silly
I know it is
but i can't help but to wonder
what if?
What if you two weren't together?
What if on the slim chance that would happen,
you'd fall for me?
What if, the world just stopped
and it was just us
What if!
what if i said I love you
what if what i'm saying is the truth?
What would you say?
I love you too?
what if  my what if
leaves me alone and aloof?

when you are young
you trust the waves will catch you
like friends , when you fall

As you get older,
you realize the truth;
that there's a pestilence
in these once trusted waves

one that will take you under and out to the sea
while you try to grasp the friendly shores
where waves once caught you when you fell

I wish i could be
Maybe its because i look to long
Or maybe its my awkwardness
Or my eyes light up when youre near
But thats something i cant control
I cant control my feelings or
My awkward glances and clumsiness
Unfortunately thats a 2 for one deal
Take my time amd get my heart
Buy one get one
Except im not good at the bye part
Because i linger and all the subtlety is lost

In a instant it tumbles
Everythibg ive worked
Scattered on the floor
In a million peices
That seem irratreivable
My education, my sanity
My self esteem
Beleif i could be something
But somehow
Your warm embrace
Gathers the shards
So sharp and cold
And welds them together
To remind me
The tears on my face
Have a rightful place
Anf that its okay
To not be play

with 26 letters
there's a lot of things to say
yet there's not enough ways to explain,
how i feel today

there's no sun on my face
but my smile doesn't feel out of place
it feels like there's butterflies tickling my face
or like i'm doing back flips standing place

Even with 26 letters
there's no word to say
how i feel today

and it was just a kiss
a quick peck on the lips right?
I shouldn't be so upset
but hell, I don't now what's worse
the memories or  words
both haunted me filling my head with lies
lead to trouble with other guys

you see, I eventually found someone, someone good
I found my first real boyfriend
I told him what had happened
he said he promised he'd never do that to me
and for a time it was true, everything was fine

but then he decided to test the waters
wade into the deep end, but I couldn't swim
I lost my breath, thrashed searching for air
digging nails for a grip on reality
and we continued this dangerous dance
but I made the music stop, said no
said I've had enough
he took my naivety and fear he told me
"It's okay, I've got you"
"if we do this enough you'll get used to it"
had the audacity to say "what about my needs"


and at that point, I went numb
I know it's dumb but it's easier
it is easier to hold my tongue and face it
than it is to speak and hold my ground
just to be buried beneath it
he pushed lines, lines that were set from day one
saw them as suggestive speed limits rather than stop signs
so he slowed down, did a drive by
he drove into me and away with confidence and any remaining pride

it got to the point where makeup couldn't hide cuts
laughter couldn't hide tears
he smothered the light from me
I began to fancy the idea of cars colliding with trees
curled up, head on my knees

my saving grace was my friends
I thank them for showing me sense
and with sweating palms and teary eyes
I painfully, finally, called it quits
it had become so much more than a kiss

Come one and all
As long as your thin and tall
Or curvy with rhythm
And be okay to with him
Come free come free
Unless your a man,
that's 5 dollars for me
Come see the spectacle
A morally recompehensible, spectacle
Of drinks getting used
To get girls abused
An ochestra of ignored nos
And phrase just go, and stops

There seems to be a misunderstanding.
You are under the impression,
You got away with theft possession.
However you never will

The girl that's too sweet too nice
You had her heart her trust
You played make believe, used the word us
You stole her innocence, broke her trust

You'll never get away
Because she wont ever forget
Those who see her everyday
They know you took something precious away

She will never do anything to hurt you
could never do what you put Her through
She has forgiven but will never forget
You haven't faced justice yet

Her army of friends aren't so forgiving
see how hard it is for her to keep living
You destroyed a girl so sweet so nice
Be prepared to face a storm of fire and ice

you say that I'm pasty
but what keeps things together better than glue?
you say I'm odd
well so is number one
so I guess I'm number one to you
you say I'm crazy
so was Einstein
you say I'm a *****
others would say I'm just more mature than you
you say,
you say...

I don't care what you say

I know its time to turn the page
but the pages stick
they're damp and glued together
with my tears
turning the page means facing new fears
I want to turn back
go back to the last chapter
before one of my favorite characters left
and I'm not sure if she'll make another appearance
I hope so
I want to go back to before it started to crumble
I want so badly to go back
but i don't have choice,
I have to hit play and turn the page

I look at my phone
Waiting for your text
Holding your sweatshirt.
Hoping that when i open my eyes
Your lingering smell woukd have materilized into you
And your electrobic words
Transformed into hushed whispers
And i open my eyes
And you're not here
And it's silence
All im left with is missing you

the light in which we see ourselves is dimmer than the light in which we are seen

Suddenly my nails are the most interesting thing in the world
the room becomes smaller it starts to whirl
my hand's sweat, my mouth dry, feel like I'm gonna hurl
the buzz from my drink not enough to keep my calm
I curl my toes and take a breath
hope to god no one knows, that the anxiety doesn't show
I hold my breath and look around the room
feels like I'm drowning in a sea of familiar faces
My friends faces as foreign as those of strangers

You say im strong
But i dont see it

I dont see, the resilience you see in me
I dont look at my facing of adversity
As stregnth but as necessity

I dont see my lack of tears
Over years of thing gone astray
As a stregnth but as weakness
That i didnt show them less

You see the tears and call them honesty
I call them guilt, that you see me like this
That i am not as strong as i should be

This is not stregnth
But a showcase of my emotional stupidity
And my refusal feel until its to much
Its not stregnth that i hold back tears
Its a weakness that
i have come to beleieve Is a necesity

A man's intelligence is not measured by the number of words knows
but he uses them

Lights jumping acrossed basement walls
Music playing to loud
And people standing far too close
Kisses exchanged in the heat
Of a sweaty basement
A sticky floor, covered in glitter and alchol
Girls bending over
Guys eyes full of hunger
Hips sway to the beat,
getting nasty with the heat

I've never quite understood first dates
why dinner and a movie was standard  issue
like you can actually get to know someone
by sitting in a dark crowded room

So you're with her
An its bitter sweet
I see your instagram amd tweets
And im left asking what about me?

But i see you with her
The way you look at her
You looked. At me like that once
Oh but her smile they way she smiles

You are happy
happier than i ever made you
And thats all i could ask if you
It makes me happy seeing you two

Makes it easier to get over you
Knowing your happy, i know its sappy
But i still have those moments
Where i miss you

Those moments when you know im not ok
When you hug me goodbye, i want it to last
When i leave, i miss the kiss goodbye
Honestly i miss elephants and butterflies

But you found new butterflies
Ive never seen her this happy
Make her smile, be happy
I still love you, but friends can love eachother too

your arms wrapped around me
just sitting on the couch
humming along to the songs of our favorite movie
and I'm in that sweet spot
where I'm wrapped tight in your arms
rain pitter pattering on the windows
almost asleep but not quite
just at the edge of consciousness
where my leg twitches but I still know I'm in your arms
and i can still feel your breathing
with my head on your shoulder
still hear you laugh when I twitch
this sweet spot should last forever
but our favorite song comes on

my tiny frame has hardened
the porcelain of my skin
just a pretty shell around steel
burning steel, red hot
hot with fire and flames
flames concealed with baby face and blue eyes
there is a strength behind my pretty face
a strength derived by not being strong
no longer a pretty sunshine song
but a heavy beat that resembles rock
no more beautiful marble pristine
but red hot coals that fuel the heat

you told me to defend myself
and this is my defense:

I've bit my tongue so long it bled
I've listened to your preach
your time is up, shut up!

It's time for me to speak.

Something about you always had me
Looking longingly for your eyes
For your touch, your smile
Your heart, your laugh

Even when we were in tears
Friend zoned but sheilds down
As our hearts poured out
Below the stage and on

The year never talked
I never forgot, i always watched
Everydance seeing you and her
But not your smile, not the one i knew

Suddenly everything changed
You sat 10 feet away i know
Because i counted the steps everyday
And eventually i didnt have to

On a bumpy buss
More than our butts were shaken
But our hearts too, the realization
Thay i belong With you

The month of hell
I knew what to do, but couldbt bear it
Heart torn in two
giving the bigger half to you

The best decision,
Crying in my car but knowing its okay
As you stood from far away
I could see the worry in your eyes

The last month of school
Kept low, to be kind
But everyobe knew
But i was happy, cause i was with you

And now, now, i know
That all of it was worth it
I can wake to your green eyes
And your smile, and whisper "i love you"

putting on a mask of happy and excited
all the time, never being tired
because it would confuse people
but, it's exhausting
always acting like you have triple the energy you do
having to always be the one who pushes people
the trains out of fuel to the top f the mountain
to be the bright optimistic one in a sea of pessimism
its tiring, its draining
but its what we people must do
because no one else will
because they have not seen their darkest lows
and had to be their own bright light at the end of the tunnel
a light people follow

Shoulders light
with the lifted weight
of being over you
I can now jump higher than ever
run faster than before
because I'm no longer longing for you

Your  touch lingers

Its that feeling of bugs in your bed
An unwelcome crawling

Bugs that go where they want
Taking home in the darkest of places

Laying their eggs as reminders
Reminders of memories i don’t have


Reminders of unwelcome hands
Reminders of the pest you are

You linger like a pest
But no amount of chemicals can rid me of you

No bug treatment can erase my memory of you

At first it would just leak
Leak painful memories of you
You holding me, containing me

The leaks i could deal with
Each time patching up the hole
Tripple checking the lock

But i slipped up
Someone broke in and broke the lock
The gates are flooding

My eyes flood with tears
A tsunami of pain over the years
A deafening ringing in my ears

I try to clot the bleeding
But it never stops
And i pick at the scabs

I try to stop the flood
But it slips through my fingers
The pain linger

One day your "friends" will leave
and you'll come crawling back
to us,your friends you once had
But you see,
we are no longer friends
we will not take you back
and you can plead and say please
all you want, but it won't change.
because you treated us like ****
and we don't treat friends that way

I love you
I sent it to you
And i meant it
You opened it i saw the dots
The one, two, three dots
Then they disappeared
And my heart sunk
One second of oh its okay
Its all okay hes just be distracted
Two, too busy right now
Life is hard for him right now
Three, one two three what about me
The anxiety rising. Until they disappeared
My heart hit the floor
With a painful crash and guteral roar
Hours pass and finally you write back
"Sorry didn't see that"
But you did, and you didn't say it back

I listen to conversations we have
well, conversation that you guys have and I  listen to
We stand in circles and chat back stage
well, actually, I'm more of a satellite
trying to  tune into the radio station
that says its an open network
but has fire walls that keep me out

my family always said you were bad news
I never believed them
I always stood up for you
even when you stood me up

I'd say your going through rough times
but we all knew it was an excuse
cause, I was going through some **** too
but I was always there for you

you were only there when you had an audience
or when I finally got to the fence
of I'm done with your *******
that's when I would take the hardest hit;
when i thought you were you again
but realized the girl I once new is irretrievable

So I'm done
I'm done with your games
being an extra in your show
a side character when the plot gets boring
I'm done being an understudy of a friend
I'm done withe this show
so close the curtain
this time i'm certain
I've torn of the script
I've got rid of all the ties
I'm done I'm sick and tired of your ******* and lies
goodbye

The daily despise for many
Morning delight for a few
The few who see the truth,
the worth, the value

the old-hearted
trapped in youth
the thirsty for knowledge
the ones who need to know
the natural born sleuths
the scientist
the ones who ask why

these are the few
who see dingy halls
and see success
this mind set puts them above the rest
these are the few
who see the truth

I sit here in the rain
in puddles of my own tears
it's been years, 17 to be exact
since i saw you last
I can hear what what I think is your voice,
here in the rain
it washes away the pain
maybe it's my mind playing tricks,
but I think i can hear your laugh
sitting here in the rain
the mud is thick
so here I will sit
till it washes the pain away

its that awful feeling of waking up
blindfold off and lights that shine too bright
memories come in a flash
sickness comes in waves
closed eyes, counting breaths
bad tasting breaths
truth screams shrill and harsh
face scrunched in confusion
hands in fists fighting for memory
too awake but longing for sleep
emotions dulled, colors bright
remembering the beautiful day
longing for a memoryless night

i never realized how much i was missing
with a group of friends not quite complete
but now that girl has finally set you free
and you can back to us
our band of amigos is finally complete
we laugh more than ever
leave lunch with tears in our eyes
and our stomachs ache
not because we are sad but because we can't stop laughing

i know i am a clumsy girl
but every time i see you i fall 10 times harder
I trip over my words
and fall on my face
the formation of coherent sentences is nearly impossible
but i don't mind falling
as long as i'm falling for you

I can sit here for hours
and think about thought
the phenomenon that takes place in the minds of ours
and by sitting for hours
I've got a part figured out
*If you are thinking about the act of thinking,
are you think about thinking,
or thinking about thought?

Hate is strong, scary
Its hard work to hate
Time and effort
Such a human emotion
Whats scariest is disregard
Not giving a ****
Because at least if you hate
You're thinking you care
Disregard is animalistic
Its child like
Its the monsters under your bed
The ones you hated but you now ignore