I didn’t ask for forever,

but you spat the word back
in my face like a startled serpent,

as if my carefully calculated movements
spelled out the letters you were too afraid to hear

now, in the wilderness of your heart,

you find the box that contains my face,
and scrub it off, like graffiti,

all because a word echoed in your ear
that was never dared uttered

aloud

I was not born to feel the
endless night

that comes, starless,
bringing to my room a broken moon

I was put on this Earth
to crush leaves beneath my feet
and revel in the changing seasons

to take each one into my mouth
like a ripe fruit

I am here to touch
the brilliant, bright sun

I was born to make Icarus proud

a million stars could not spell the word

love

with the conviction that I feel it

the shadow of a smile in the dark

the brush of your fingerprints on my spine

and your heart, the hook of home

guilt gathers my thoughts to you

it is still -
as a lake in high summer,

no breeze to ripple
the surface of the water,
glistening brilliant blue
under the clear skies reflection,

birds are singing overhead,
I long for their freedom and song,

but then they turn on me,
and peck at these thoughts

until they come apart,

a piñata heart,

split wide - crimson rivers of
holy wine running from my chest

into your cup.

it is your turn, now,

so drink me down,

bleed me dry as I have you,

let me shrivel up and die -

heartless.

like the woman you think I am,

I will do that for you,

I can do that for you,

(at least)

You pour boiling water over
my words and try to wash them away

but, my love, I can’t be erased

I’m in your blood, your bones, your skin

your hair will smell of me

I am a permanent marker
stamped on your heart

claiming you with an
acid burn

(my words were merely pilot fish)

like a lion in winter,
our love is proud,

but its dignity has been
chipped away by challenges,

we had great strength,
but age was not on our side,

we met in the autumn of our lives,
and knew we did not have

forever,

as younger lovers often talk about
so childishly, as if time is merely
there for you to tell it what you want
of it,

no, we knew, we knew

we had little time,

so make the best of it, you said

and we did,

there were no kisses in the rain,
or midnight wine under the stars,

but I think we were happy,

yet now, adversity has ripped us apart
at the seems, and left us threadbare,

no more or less than anyone,
but we didn't weather it well,

all I want is our winter,
to grow old with you,
to die with you,

I think we still have it is us,
I think we will be okay,

but pride is a deadly sin,
so please don't let us
succumb

perfume covers the smoke
tantalising fumes that rise
and then fall
my head, left dizzy
and breathless
as I gasp in the
poisonous air
another night spent
curled around the
wrong reality
dimensions that shift around me
as I move about my day
ink on paper, stripped wood beneath my feet
the foundations of a place that is not tainted
with the harsh cruelties of here
honeysuckle covers the smoke
the sweet root of home
when my heart longs to stay
with pure belonging
and contentment
but it never lasts
and once again i am
forced to wake up
and live in a world
that was never meant
for my multifaceted
heart