Forever

I never said it, but I felt it,
with every fibre of my being,
every hair on my arm
and cell of my skin

I know you didn’t,
and that’s okay, too

we are not equals in love
nor are we meant to be

I want to make you cry, he said;

not by breaking your heart,

but by showing you the beauty
that you hold behind your eyes,

that I see every time
I look at you,

that I know you cannot see
for yourself

I am not sure who I am anymore,

they say depression
is like being at the bottom
of a black hole, unable to see the sky,

but I see the sky,

the sun burns my skin,
and the stars taunt me
with their promises of sleep
that are never meant for me;

I am sickly sad
and I’m not getting any better,

my heart is full and cracked
from the strain of carrying the scars
of a thousand wounds ,

I cannot stand with a heart
so heavy

and would you really blame me
if I made it stop?

and in a second
there was nothing

not even a star
between you and I

and standing on the precipice
of making the biggest mistake
of my life

Oh, unnecessary beauty
that twists like the waves
of a deep blue ocean,
rushing to shore
to cover a stretch of sand
with it's white foam,
only for the coast to bend
like the elbow of a lover
encasing the sleeping head
of his sweetheart,
indecent, unnecessary beauty.
It is in the fall of rain
on a hot summer's day
arrogantly waiting for the rainbow

there is something sinful
in the way I look at you
a temptation to devour
that is basic need
basic greed
I do not wish to look at you like that
but I can’t help myself
your hair that catches sunlight
in the same way a city catches the light
on a sleepy, spring morning
your eyes that to look in,
is too look into the ocean
as dark and infinite and wild
I may be sinful with
my cornered eyed glances
but I think my intentions are pure
in that I only wish to hold you
and call you home

you are the brightest shard of the light
piercing my heart with promise
my heart speaks a language
that my head cannot translate
when I am near you
I am like a child, stumbling blindly
in a world that's new and brilliant
I cannot speak of love, no
I do not think it's love
this shard of light that pierces
my heart like a poisoned arrow
wounded, I stagger
and fall into your arms
no, not love
but death
though death and love are so closely
wound, like a tight wire
people do not wish to speak
of death and love in the same breath
but I dare
I dare
like with so many things you've taught me
I dare