I pick lemons from trees
meant for g&t’s
blessed fruit
chemical release
relief from longing
and memory
a slip of something else
and I am dancing with
the demons that would
otherwise destroy me

I drink wine from the cup
that’s meant for God
and I do not feel ashamed
at the taking of something
sacred, for animalistic
need

Yours is the voice I hear
just before I fall asleep

seductive whispers
that wrap around my ear
like silk

yours is the hand I reach for
in the dead of night

when the stars abandon me
and the moon grows pales

yours are the lessons I’ve learnt
about life and love

and I try to love you

I try

but those whispers
don’t reach my soul

that hand
doesn’t reach my heart

and those lessons shake
with the echoes of pain

I try
but I am burnt

and no balm exists
to cool my wounds

There are demons within me
- nameless -
carrying a thousand words
of memory that I can
barely stand to contain

their weight makes me
buckle like an animal
whose load is far too
heavy for its back
to stand

and I am also, animal
prowling these haunted streets
of my mind, ever waiting
to pounce

in the night, as I am
falling asleep. Twisted images
and contorted words

they are all what remains, now
all, and everything

When I was young
I believed that love
was this magical force
that would save me

and now I’ve spent
my entire adult life
trying to save love

I am a mermaid

singing a siren song
to bring you home

what could be greater
than a reunion

between the lull
of lapping waves

and a life ever after

in the mysterious ocean

Amidst the chaos of
what was and
what can never be

there is now

I’ll sit and hold
your hand, here,
in this baffling moment

and whisper
“It’s okay”