Your silence is hurting my ears.
Your expression breaks my heart.
Your indecision of where I stand is tearing me apart.
Your questions burn my brain.
Your statements smite my words.
You can see right through me...
That's not even the worst.
Your distance breaks my body.
Your disappointment makes me cry.
You're ashamed to just be near me...
I can see it in your eyes.
My weakness makes you angry.
My mistakes cause you pain.
My disregard for the love surrounding
is driving you insane.
My words speak out in circles.
My thoughts are out of line.
My irrational explosions
are cutting you inside.
My raging brain is affecting
My lack of knowing what to do.
My only glue to solid ground...
My only way is you.

She's never seen these flying dreams
As the streams of melodious songs do follow
Holding onto the scent of her hair in my mind
As if sealed so tightly in a bottle
Sending messages so serene
Opening once undiscovered doors
All this from passing a girl
I've never met before

She'll never know those five minutes of longing
The sorrow that came and gone as she passed
The strings on my heart plucking away in me
In a medley never meant to last
In that moment she was all there was to me
Her feet almost seemed to glide on this dusty floor
No inkling of the song I heard or the things I'd felt
The girl I loved and had never met before

To: Depression 2
From: Depression 1

To my dearest questioner of the world,
Sometimes I think you think too much,
And in your head, your thoughts get swirled.
Your brain is filled with curiosity and examination
And this is most times good, you see.
But somehow or another you always end up feeling lost in frustration.
And this, my dear questioner, is not a good way to be.
You aren’t good at circulating what you feel, I know.
But sometimes it makes me sad to think that you’re sad on the inside,
And that you feel like a burden if you were to ever show.
High School is close to being over, it kind of went like a breeze.
And just in case you were not aware, or it never crossed your mind,
I went through living hell at that institution, and you helped put me at ease.

I will never forget when we were at the beach and I was explaining to you what Prozac Nation was about. And you suddenly stopped  in your tracks.
And my eyes started to well up.
And you stared because you knew.

There was a liquid secreting from the cracks in your lips,
Something like justice, something like idealism
The two combined within your vociferous skins and
Coated me clean
And I was who you wanted me to be
Our eyes shut and our fingertips grasping,
We held each other inside of our roles
Without giving any thought to the figure we were
Sculpting
Into us

You wormed your way into my room through tendrils
Of smoke curling through my hair
You sat on my bed as if you belonged there, and
Who was I to tell you any different?
This is not a hate poem; this is a coming-to-terms with my own emotions.
We kept the lights off, a deliberate foreshadowing.
I could feel you sinking lower into my sheets,
The conversation didn’t bother itself to become memorable.
You said you were six feet tall, I’m still not sure if that’s true.
I made you stand up to compare, but didn’t garner much,
Other than what it feels like to have your breath gently flow towards
My perked face, to have your hands withering at your sides before
Stretching out, over my torso. We sat back down. Conversational squares
Emerged. You kissed me, like I knew you would, without hesitancy or
Any questions at all. I had a few, but your lips stemmed them, and I figured
Your body was answer enough. It was. At least the first time.
It felt good. You were good. Especially to me.
You wound your way throughout my body and stroked my worries
Into oblivion. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted it. We both did.
But looking back, I wish there had been questions.
I wish you hadn’t known that I would give myself to you.
Just like all the other girls before, just like all the ones after and during.
Nothing that happened was wrong. I came away from the night with
A new sort of tingling and a spreading smile and endorphins that
Seemed to bounce from side to side within me.
But I still wish I had been special. – Not what happened, but me.
This is my greatest downfall.

"You!" he said
"I like your smile."
I blushed a bit,
"Yours is nice as well"
I wondered if
Perhaps he felt
He could cure me by
Passing me a compliment in the cereal aisle
I suppose I thought
It was worthwile
Since after that
Happy things complied
Inside my head
The pasrtures of happiness
became fertile
And then I thought, for a little while;
kindness between strangers
should go back in style

Number: 2. Undiscovered
                3. Untamed
                 4. Untitled
                  5. Unamed
                   6. Unapproving
                    7. Unexplained
                     8. Untouched
                       9. Unchanged
                      10. Unharmed
                        11. Unchained
                         12. Unaccepted
                          13. Unaquainted
                           14. Unadmired
                             15. Unadaptable
                                1. un*desired

Blonde rain falls around me,
Slipping too quickly over shattered skin;
Too fast for me to recall
The gleaming highlights of your hair.

Blue grey clouds flit past,
Hovering just above broken, outstretched hands;
Too high for me to catch their colour,
And remember how your gaze felt.

Cables **** in syncopated moves,
But even they cannot replicate the way you walked;
Too jerky, too smooth,
For the way you breezed straight past me.

In the stars lies every phase of your smile,
Too scattered to resemble constellations;
Every incandescent light, a ill remembered image
Of the way you saw my soul.

You are nowhere to be found,
Yet you are every place I run to,
Every place I hide;
Seeping unnoticed into my skin,
Until, once again, I am flooded
With flashes of a life
That I will never again touch;

You are always around,
And
I wish I could forget.