This is not the young child in the garden,
nor the adolescent dream turned to man,
I have forsaken sunlight for wages,
now a wreck of my optimistic plan.

No longer a hero of my struggles,
instead the wine-corrupted loss of will,
I'm fading by degrees in this sorrow;
the erosion of an archaic mill.

I am not the pilgrim of devotion,
of revolution and eternal rite,
instead but the crux of sorry failure
and future life lived in calcified plight.

This is not the adventure advertised,
it lives in brief moments like peace and snow;
as fleeting as the shy British summer,
passing like suffering felt long ago.

Oh, this is not the young babe held in autumn,
nor the cooing eyes of all adults blessed,
this is the braying and sharp reminder
of a life with all innocence undressed.

Smoke dances seductively
while ascending from my to-this-day anonymous Pipe;
undulating and contorting, all according
to the movement of this particulate crystal lattice we call 'Air',
with which all these fans are *******.

As Light transfixes the Smoke,
revealed is some Grain of Wood like texture
floating and distorting elegantly and eloquently
as 5 centimeter thick cross-sections,
courtesy of the not quite fully open Blinds.

I'm sure he'd approve,
but there is something endearing
about reading Bukowski on the toilet.
You even get to wash your hands afterwords.

The residue of ***** lined the empty bottle.
A deep inhale of smoke,
an exhale of problems.

Lightheaded I fumble,
clasping a cold lifeless piece of metal.
I cried "save me"
release all my demons.

I am safe for now,
drowning in a sea of crimson security.

A quiet, broken smile graced her lips
And to the everyday it looked quite convincing
But it was deceiving because
At the moment she was
Indeed shattering, putting herself back
And shattering more
If her innards were out
You could see the spidering veins around her piteous heart
Of continual cracking
And if you looked close, without doubt
You could see, the original point of impact
And you'd know
There was nothing we could do for her
She passed on site, and time of death had been called
So had her former lover.
Although his response, 'I'm sorry, who?' was particularly painful.
But in his defense I will say that he was being the most honest of all of us.
I felt that I should've written something significant and profound for this morose little girl
But all that came was unworthy.
Instead I took the dear child to the place where I found most comfort.
There we lain in a decrepit old graveyard trying to relate to the dead.
Marble mausoleums mimicking my nightly resting place.
I happened upon a black witch moth which had gracened us with his company.
I sat there enraptured watching his nonsensical trail.
As he began his decent I had a most unsettling feeling nothing to do with countless bodies under head.
Upon a glistening tomb he made beautiful land.
I suddenly found myself creeping onward, praying reprieve.
The mariposa de la muerte fluttered not but an inch.
As I realized his demise, I gazed back to my bride
Only to find a black hooded shape disappear as I focused with a painfully sharp tone of finality.

You spin a lovely story
A web made out of silk
Full of fictitious behavior
But
Do you ever feel the guilt?
Do you ever see the blood, or the tears that you have spilt?
You feed off happiness
And leave people alone in the blackness
You are your own fears
And my very worst nightmare..

Your innocent way of snaking open my heart
And tip toeing your pride inside
Shaking up everything in my kingdom
You slam the door to my heart
Over and over
Rattling my bones
Shattering my hopes
Destroying my foundation
Oh how you warned me
But I let you
I watched you take every single piece of my being
That I've spent so much time repairing
And played with it
Until you realized that you didn't know how
So you drained my moat of insecurities
And dismantled my walls of trust
You reconstructed a structure to support your own walls
You called it love
I call it devious selfishness
But within the pain
There was something different about you
And my gut was snagged on it
You've come through with explanations that were in my favor
Pain was never your plan
A submission of a simple antidote was issued
But you never took a second to listen to me
Your selfish needs defeated your focus
Its either everything or nothing with you
We could've waited this out together
Just to sit tight as friends
Wasting no time devouring each others company
Until the dust settled
But according to your behavior
You're just so entirely and terribly confused
At the beginning
When you charged the castle
My mind saw you holding control
Confident with your foot through the door
But time reveals how you're not even a brave warrior
You're just a floppy little jellyfish
You started this trouble and backed out
Before you could finish it
Leaving the ties untied
Letting words be unsaid
Losing the desire to act
And although whispers of secret lust
And crazy attraction
Linger on our lips
Where's the ambition that started this mess
Dig deep and find it
I'm begging you to finish this struggle
Don't make me finish it for you
Be spontaneous
Be forward
Be the strong confident girl that you showed me you could be
You can't lose
After all this destruction
The doors will open with just a glance of your light
You made it far enough into my heart
Please don't turn back now
I honestly just want you to know
That I'm still here
While you cower in a corner of fear
Wallowing in all your questions
Instead of acting on the emotions that are tearing you apart
Give me a chance to show you a whole new world
I'm still standing tall
For you...
You can't stay there
In a place that's unhealthy and miserable
Too scared to come out
So it's safe and predictable...
I can see it in your eyes that you're craving so much more
These feeling are killing you
Let them free and finish what you started
Step all the way through the door
And I'll catch you on the other side