I've got a brain like an old manor
always haunting the hallways of my own mind
and thinking there's gonna be something new I'll find;
but I never do.
I only ever find you....
everyone...
and them...
time and time again.
I keep my love in an asylum
safe from violence behind the walls I've built
I steadily keep both eyes on the doors
and my hands on the hilt.
But lately, this sword feels double-edged
protecting myself, but ultimately forming a wedge
between me and something secure
because showing vulnerability has never held much allure.
I've got a ribcage like a cathedral
stained glass expands from every breath within
I've got a heart like a sanctuary
church benches filling up with anyone I ever let in.
But they're all fusing to the surfaces,
because I can't let anything go
I've been taught what it feels like,
but I still don't know.
I don't have room for too many more
I've got to chisel out room or find a new door
to make my heart just like a prairie
ever vast and ever winding
with soil that's meant for growing.

is the light really gone,
or am i hiding from it.
accepting things,
for everything.
not changing things,
that can be changed.
staying silent
when i should speak.
am i the enemy,
or is it the light.
(2011)

Hold me like a dry flower
because my petals are still hungry
I'm thirsty, come on and fill me up
I don't turn technicolor for just anyone

it was a time you don't remember
when your body was broken
and your heart burned like ember

you think only of yourself
told me we were on the same team
now my silence is my self defense
because it's better not to speak
I refuse to think that's weak
I'm protecting what's mine

While you were looking for more of my skin
to trace your calloused fingers across,
I was still looking for a way to let you back in
after shutting down and pushing you out;
I spent an eternity wandering the hallways of my mind on your couch.
And I don't want it to be difficult; I know it's going to be sometimes
it's been weeks now, and you're all that's been on my mind.
And I know you feel that way, too.
I'm scared of losing my breath, of my lips turning blue;
Because I want to be able to talk to you,
but I still wonder if you'll be able to hear
all the music in my aura that plays so clear...
I feel the vibrations all the time,
soundwaves on repeat in my mind,
I think they'll harmonize with yours if we let them...
I want you to really see me for who I am,
and I know there's a chance you could,
but I'm scared of being disappointed,
I'm scared of being misunderstood.
So tread lightly as you're running through my mind,
please be careful in any of my darkness you find.
If you discover yourself hearing my aura's music play,
the melody will double as lanterns to light your way.
The walls are always building, the halls are ever turning
you've just gotta want to keep exploring
You've got to want to keep going

My voice may get shakey
whenever I cry or when I sing,
but I take my photographs steadily,
and make them really mean something.
There's confessions in everything;
in my memories, in my bones,
in my poetry, in my songs
on the gravel roads where I meet god...
I can't look at anything without seeing expression
and I can't remember living without my depression
So what happens when there's peace?
There's a certain discomfort in that space
There's art everywhere and I want to swim in it
but I'm so often being rushed away in the current...
sinking at sea until the water is no longer blue
I keep forgetting you can't go around,
you always gotta go through...
And while I might be feeling a loss,
while I might be feeling lonely,
I've got plenty of things that I consider as wealth,
none of them being money.
So I'm gonna wipe away my tears
I'm gonna continue to sing
and there's gonna be nothing that stops me
from seeing art in everything.