Humidity on me
feeling like condensation forming
my skin is the plastic shell
and there's so much I'm bottling
Everything I can't speak on freely
tired of being only worthy of your lusting
and never your loving
you tell me your deepest secrets
but let's keep things casual
I wanna know what you're thinking about me
but it's always someone else, something
And that's okay, I get it
I'm not easing to give loving to
time took me down a valley
and I'm not sure if I ever ended up exiting
just sat on the ledge kicking my feet
before I grabbed your skateboard
and dropped back in willingly
I wanna float back up
but I forgot how much crawling it took to get to the edge
my fingernails are always busted
so it's hard to feel my scratching
but I hope you at least know I'm there
inbetween the creases of your brain's waves
kicking my feet on the surface

Celebrate the bare minimum
still always end up begging
Always playing catch up
whether it's sleep or money
Crosses don't resemble sanctuary
not every space is safe for me
And when sadness and anger
register in my brain just the same
I don't feel safe anywhere I go
I've got both on speed dial
and I'm always pocket dialing
I wanna feel the sky screaming back at me
throwing my head back and belting
swallowing clouds whole from breathing
You were talking and I wasn't listening
I'm in my own head again, dreaming
of dimly lit streets, sticky skin, slowly pedaling
biking towards something,
but mostly wandering, wondering.

Make sure you've made the time
Get enough sleep and exercise  
Swallow all that sadness
bring yourself to the surface and start to move
You've done so much already,
but you've got a lot more to prove
Make sure you're making enough money
you look great in shades resembling exploiting
Fit in, get along, don't rock the boat
the water is frozen, so don't forget your coat
but make sure it flatters your figure
I don't know how to swim
but somehow I'm still here wading
while others are nearly drowning
sadness and anger register in my brain just the same
I can't keep acting like it's not driving me insane
I just need more time

I'm the girl you call at midnight
never the girl you call in the afternoon
I'm the girl you can't stop thinking about
but ignore me when I'm in the same room
I'm better as a day dream
but I wanna be someone's reality
I'm so tired of isolating
I wanna have fun and be silly
I'm tired of carrying this armor
that I'm not even ******* wearing
it's a dead weight like my past toxic lovers
I'm wide open and uncovered
it's up to you to pull back the veil
I've burned mine

You've got me
on a roller coaster of emotions
And such is life
but
I wanna feel my feet on ground

I want to factory reset my heart
I gotta find the hidden button
All I need is a safety pin
and no fear to commit to it
But that's easier said than done, isn't it?
Because being vulnerable is alarming
and standing strong in it is daunting
I'm being wound up like a mechanical toy
and expecting to provide new tricks
You're sight seeing in my body cavity
and expecting it to be a little less scary
I come with some darkness baby
I should have warned you, but you didn't warn me
And isn't that a little terrifying?
Going in blind with someone you think is interesting
not knowing the history of their hauntings
mean while I'm just hoping
that you don't find my ghosts before I find yours
I wanna find out the strength of my possessor
before they take over
Because I go zero to a hundred in less time than most
My brain gets taken over and I'm only the host
While you're still window shopping women
and I'm still window shopping men
Until the possessor loses grip
and I start to feel better again
I wanna find that button