I want to factory reset my heart
I gotta find the hidden button
All I need is a safety pin
and no fear to commit to it
But that's easier said than done, isn't it?
Because being vulnerable is alarming
and standing strong in it is daunting
I'm being wound up like a mechanical toy
and expecting to provide new tricks
You're sight seeing in my body cavity
and expecting it to be a little less scary
I come with some darkness baby
I should have warned you, but you didn't warn me
And isn't that a little terrifying?
Going in blind with someone you think is interesting
not knowing the history of their hauntings
mean while I'm just hoping
that you don't find my ghosts before I find yours
I wanna find out the strength of my possessor
before they take over
Because I go zero to a hundred in less time than most
My brain gets taken over and I'm only the host
While you're still window shopping women
and I'm still window shopping men
Until the possessor loses grip
and I start to feel better again
I wanna find that button

I want to factory reset my heart
I gotta find the hidden button
all I need is a safety pin
and no fear to commit to it

You're drawing with sharpies all over your arms
cause you ran out of paper
I'm sitting in the passenger seat
my seatbelt making my necklace press into my sternum
listening to you screaming
about something that holds no meaning
but you think if you're loud enough
maybe it'd start to give you clarity
I can't remember the details of all the fights
I just remember the never ending nights
the scribbles on your walls, the overhead lights  
a portrait of Bob Ross ripping from its corners
covering the hole you punched through your closet door
the bathroom with college boy's hair all over the floor
Happy accidents?
I didn't know back then
how much you'd **** up my head
when we finally parted ways
you practically wished me dead
and that's still got me angry
that's still got me defensively thinking
It's so easy to blame you for everything
but I'm here still wanting to show you things
and it's a gut punch like I've never felt
knowing the cards I was dealt
and that I kept playing
all that I kept allowing
But shame is the killer of everything that is good
I can't blame myself for not doing what I should
there's been enough time that's passed now
I know it now better than I ever could
that you were a chapter
I never should have entered
but I'll take the lessons with me
as I walk through the hallways of former miseries
whenever something is triggering
I wanna open new doors
or leave this building completely
but my heart is the foundation under all the creaking
I wanna feel like I'm being listened to when I'm speaking
but men keep putting me in these boxes
and there's no doors for me to open freely
so I carve out my own window and run wildly
I don't have time for late night confessions
that you won't remember in the morning
I want the sun shining when we meet
so I can be under the moon dancing
maybe you'll join me
Until then, I'll continue my wandering
and my exiting

I'm not an aura to bask in
I'm not a butterfly in a cage
I'm not meant to be on a pedestal
I'm meant to be on a stage

I'm not a light in your darkness
I've just got light shining on me
I'm not an adrenaline rush to chase
just because you find me exciting

Romanticizing is isolating
and I don't find it flattering
If you put me in a box
I'm always going to be exiting

And I won't be held accountable
for your inability to truly see
that I'm not an experience
to live up to your day dreams

You don't know me
you know what I let you see
and then you fill in the blanks
and expect me to start performing

I wish you didn't write in ink
because I can't erase what you think
no matter what I correct
there's still residue
of what you thought I owed you

When it's nothing

It finally started raining
the same day we called it quits
too many days of distance
We needed a shift that wasn't in my gears
I can't keep screaming words into closed ears
you're the rubber and I'm glue; nothing sticks to you
But maybe part of me was rubber too
because I never could love as much as you
But I could never show it as little as you do
Words only hold substance if action shines with them
and senses only gain strength with wisdom
So I'll do my best to consider this a gift
most lessons are
I don't need a shooting star
I need the rain

How can anyone love you
if you don't love yourself?
That's the **** they say
when someone's self hatred is getting in the way
of everyone else having a good time
I'm sorry I'm feeling so down
I wanna love myself more
but I don't think I gotta do that first to be deserving
so I stopped showing, I stopped going
and now I'm a little too used to isolating
I'm trying to find small steps towards changing
it's marathon not a race
but I still feel like all I can do is sprint
if it isn't happening over night, I'm not in it
and that's a cop out from reality
good things take time, but I'm hungry
I want to taste the change instantly
just blame it on my ADHD

Time
I always want more time
I can't get any more time
I want to crush it up and snort a line
of purely time
time that's all mine
I want to feel free and unhinged
and
I love my hair after a day of adventure,
it's dusty, it's musty
the smell reminds me of old books
holding something special within their pages
just like I hold within my strands
I don't want to have shaky knees when I stand
I want to run without loosing my breath
I want to run without it hurting my chest
and
I don't want to be treated like a vacation
I'm not your escape from reality
because I ******* live there too
I’m not something to discover
I'm don't have soil to push your flag pole into
Because I’m just as lost as you
and I've got a feeling you think you have a map
Drink another cup of coffee and wake up
This isn't a game you've played before
can't use old tactics to get her
and if it’s gonna be a game
rest assured, I play it better  
I just want more time
time that's mine
I don't have any more to give to you
I don't have any more energy to try