left my baggage at the door
but blocked my only exit
when someone knows their importance in your life
they know the impact they'll make if they leave it
and who wants to give anyone that power?
I'm always telling myself "not me",
but that's me lying
because I've got loving meant for giving
but I'm not into forgiving
especially myself
I'm living in poverty with incredible wealth
I've got so many in my corner I don't feel deserving
connections more than worthy of preserving
but sometimes I fall off, the queen of isolating
and lately I'm just ******* stressing
but I know I gotta be learning something
cause lessons don't come without some scabbing
some lessons even require scarring
that's why growing is so jarring
turning into a phoenix
only after running into a burning building
self growth comes only if you're willing

Uninspired,
while feeling like I've got something to say
Which is usually when I say what I gotta,
in the entirely the wrong way
Because it pours out of me in any way it can,
it doesn't matter how much time passes
or how long I anxiously ran
It's so much more than a feeling,
and vulnerability was never really my thing,
despite the heart I carry on my sleeve...
It's a mirage I keep,
I wish I could show you the real thing
I can't seem to let you in just yet...
but I wanna see what's up your sleeve,
I don't want you to leave

I've got a lot more to say
about you lately
instead of angry ****
to say about him
you've got me forgetting about the bad ****
got me tapping to a different rhythm
And I'm enjoying learning the beat
you got comfortable
in my brain
and took a seat
And maybe
you're used to people not caring
about the things you have to say
but I like to know what's on your mind
and I know you like to know what's on mine
I'm not everyone's cup of tea
but you say
you like what you're sipping
and I believe you  
You've shown
me a few different sides of your coins
and easily a few
of my new favorite songs
it isn't easy to capture my attention
and hold on
but here it is your hands
I hope you're delicate

I may be predictable,
but at least I'm consistent.

You don't want a partner,
you want to punish your mother.
Go ahead big guy,
bring it out on your lover!
Then wail afterwards that's its just another
crazy ex-girlfriend that you couldn't control...
You threw at me videos, podcasts, and quotes,
and claimed you knew so much more, so woke!
The anxious attachment dogma fit you like a glove,
but only to mesh with excuses that you love...
And you dropped them everywhere constantly,
every bad treatment towards me
was because of something once traumatizing
while telling me I need to keep
all of my trauma in the ring
because you didn't have time for a ******* thing.
I couldn't afford any more parts of myself to give.
So you chewed me up, spit me out
mixed in with your pride & half-assed will to live
Expecting others to rise to a level
that you're drowning under in your own *******
the same **** you're waist deep and wading in
all while thinking you're on dry land
condemning everyone to move from the spot in which you stand.
Because you didn't want a partner
you wanted a mother figure, turned into a lover
that you could smother, then suddenly leave.
Someone you could trigger, then bereave.
Never holding yourself accountable
for a ******* ******* thing
adding insult to injury
as long as you're living

I was unhinged
reflecting on it makes me cringe
but that's life, baby
some people just make each other crazy

I don't remember where I met you,
if I did, I'd just want to forget
How surreal to go from feeling so special  
to someone you wish you never met...
I was your decade long conquest, only for it to end in embers
That I use as fuel for my art;
expressions & confessions of another broken heart...
I was the incorrectly sized puzzle piece
to your stupid teenage dream
of having a punk rock queen on your arm
or wherever you found a good place to put me
Because aesthetics were more important
than you ever let on
I was a patch you sewed in
but never ironed on
and it didn't take long for that thread to break
in hindsight I was dealing with more than I could take.
I don't remember where I met you,
if I did, I'd just want to forget
how surreal to go from feeling so special  
to someone you wish you never met.