I wish I could have seen so many things sooner
I want to find past me and shake her.
And while the other side may not be greener,
it feels like there's clarity
You didn't have any spine, all you had was the audacity.
To treat people the way you have,
I wouldn't have the capacity...
I wonder how you're sleeping

Wish I was a little more present
Wish I was a little more kind
Wish my brain didn’t move so fast
Wish you weren’t on my mind

Life is pretty beautiful sometimes despite the *******. As I was driving home the other night, I saw branches illuminated in a streetlight and thought to myself ******* that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It was sort of over a dumpster, but in the area of the sky for me in that moment had that beautiful scene above me. So I guess what I'm saying, is if you're struggling to see the light, just look for the branches that are illuminated while you lay in the dumpster below in a dark winter. That way you don't even have to get up until you get the strength. Maybe spring thaws your limbs and you can stretch out again. Just keep looking up.

I wore empathy around my neck like a noose
Blind ambition convinced of an inability to lose
What more was there to do besides keep fighting
Constantly reminding
of the ways I wasnt enough for you
But that was never the truth
I was always too much for you
And you couldn't rise up to meet me

I've been carrying my anger
like a runaway bag
but my arms have given out
and I'm starting to lag...
Our memories keep replaying
and it feels like I'm being burnt with steam
my heart ******* aches; it's blistering.
And I hate knowing more about your history
despite knowing you a long time already
I didn't know you very well, clearly
I knew nothing about your constant state of misery
and all the toxic baggage you carried so heavily
that I picked up without even being asked
maybe that's what caused so many panic attacks...
And I see you like the idea of filtering
through women that used to be bordering
on being best friends or being enemies
and how you love getting comfortable right in-between
But you're going to run out of targets,
you're going to break your record score
you snaked out my vulnerabilities, my secrets
and wear them on your arm like a *****.
But unlike you, I know exactly who I am
you pretend to revere women
when in reality you ******* hate them.
I hope you never look me in the eyes again
what ever happened to honest men?
Regardless of the matter, I hope you find the help you need.
Ps. The leather jacket I bought you looks better on me

I remember being told
you didn't want people to know
about your ability to be violent and to keep control.
You said it was your way of always staying ahead
back then, I guess I didn't realize what exactly that meant.
I remember being told
I had the softest skin you've ever felt
make no mistake, my skin remains thick, even in this hell.
And if you were more of man I could say this to your face,
but that would require integrity taking arrogant's place.
And communication can't happen
if comprehension isnt there
and all you ever comprehended
was what you thought was unfair.
But only what was unfair to you, and you alone...
If your actions ever hurt me, it was my fault; why? Who ******* knows.
I remember being told I always felt like home.
You've been watching too many indie shows.
I'm not the girl you romanticized,
I'm not so easily swayed.
I stand my ground, I stand up for myself,
so you were never strong enough to stay.
I took away the fun of your game.
I exited the box you put me in,
I can't be manipulated as easy as you thought,
your true colors aren't really colors at all
you're in the shadows, and bleeding, a lot.
And I really hope you heal your wounds
while you wander around in the dark
I had a light, I wanted to share,
but you can't hold hands with a lark.
So go ahead and find the folks
who you think hate me as much as you hate yourself
**** my old best friends, **** my old boyfriends,
whatever you need for your "mental health".
And tell your creepy friends they can get the ******* my media
Just like you get off to starving women for your attention to drive them into hysteria.
The only time I felt desired
shouldn't have been whenever we ******
I'm a goddess, you're not worthy,
and I wish you best of luck.

Shed another layer, believe another lie
If I had tried to, I know you would have ****** me that night
just to leave me the next day
I'm happy you didn't get to me that way..
I listened to my body, it said not to let you in
and maybe it's not exactly what thought I wanted then,
but I'm glad you'll never touch me again...
Because the only time I feel desired shouldn't be when we ****
I'm a goddess, you're not worthy, and I wish you best of luck