Exuding light still from inside of me
Although small, it is but mighty
My icy exteriors make more room for assuming
I’ve got a heart that’s still beating
Looking for answers & looking for meaning

join me in space
we're getting high on expectations
and lost causes
crushing up dried roses
that I've kept after all this time
and no one knows this
or what the roses really mean
if you think know, you know nothing
it just exists for me
and I want to keep floating
in-between misery and day dreams
I feel safer in the fantasy
of delusion meeting hope for something
for anything

I've been patient since day one
I let you in on my **** since the first run
I was on my knees
I confessed I had to leave
I left claw marks on your back
that bleed through and showed
how hard it was to let you ******* go

They’ll play the villain you keep painting them as if you’re not careful...

They call it it attention deficit
if feels like the ******* opposite
I'm paying too close attention to all of it
and I want you to be good to me
I'm not sure exactly what it is I'm craving
I’m so tired of being villainized
in so many people’s stories
I’m tired of the manipulations of reality
for someone else’s personal glory
your life must be pretty boring
And I get it, living is trouble
and the trouble of it all is living
what someone channels their passion into is telling
and I want to be good to you
but I'm tired, too...
And I know
the other trouble of living
is everything dying
The trouble about knowing the truth
is knowing who is lying
but why do I care what you think about me?
I wish that would just die peacefully
I'm filled with burnt out vessels of energy
thoughts of you, and everyone, harboring
bringing in nothing
I want to feel like I bring something
to the tables I sit at
but lately
I feel like I'm bringing nothing at all

it's so hard to not get caught up
from a swift kick of theatrics to the lip
I'm up quick & ready to hit
my heart racing underneath my ribs
my defense mechanisms are instantly steaming
and going full spead ahead until they're beaming
when really I just wish it would all stop...
I feel like I'm wading in a tide pool of good intentions
until someone's wrong ideas pull me back out
and suddenly I'm drowning
worrying
pathetically
about my reputation or clout
in the end, it's **** that doesn't matter
it's **** that isn't real
because
when you die people won't remember everything you did
they'll remember how you made them feel