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436 · Jul 2013
It Hits Me
Emma Azura Jul 2013
it is in moments where I hiccup and anticipate
the fated spider you hold in your hand to cure me

or when someone swears instead of promises
forcing the realization that the two are one in the same
for everyone else but us

and when I put on an old t-shirt that does not
smell of a mix of your cologne and cigarettes

loneliness hits me a year later
while I'm scribbling poems
dripping with your essence
427 · Oct 2013
Versions of Lonely
Emma Azura Oct 2013
sullen
dark grey
embarrassed
jealous
hopeful
every time I let my guard down I get reminded of why I put it up there in the first place
426 · Jul 2013
It Gets Better
Emma Azura Jul 2013
I have seen darker times and lived through brighter days
Though today may be pain filled tomorrow will shower me in happiness
I know now that my emotions will trick me into thinking things that aren't the truth
Oh, how I wish I could tell myself this in hindsight
*People who are sad either **** themselves or get over it
424 · Feb 2014
Haunted
Emma Azura Feb 2014
somehow I keep falling in and out of love with destroying myself

I will drain all the blood from my body before I can forget
nothing comes in black and white
except for life and death
413 · Jan 2014
The Beginning
Emma Azura Jan 2014
drugs never touched my life until you did
you hypocritically denied me the right to take a little orange pill
while your pupils shone wide
bright black discs
you can't tell me what to do
down the hatch and away into wonderland
I wore the pink glasses timidly
so you wouldn't be able to tell that now
my pupils matched yours in size
*I love you
398 · May 2013
Tonight
Emma Azura May 2013
I feel for safety somewhere between you and the truth
396 · Mar 2014
Smokes
Emma Azura Mar 2014
I inhaled the smell of the past when I walked by a couple of smokers
laughing and coughing;
oblivious to the fact that anyone might have a thought about them
I couldn't help but think
that used to be me
394 · Sep 2013
Heart
Emma Azura Sep 2013
when you finally crumbled
tears dripping down your sorry face
whose arms did you fold yourself into

no I did not return your feelings
at all times
but I did learn how to love someone
in the summer of '09

you and I were never meant to be
those puzzle pieces that only fit
if you jam them hard enough

love at first sight always fades
393 · Feb 2014
Lesson Learned
Emma Azura Feb 2014
when my vision turns to the past I see you
not as a lover but as a lesson
you showed me who not to give my entire heart to
and how to put up walls higher than we were
I learned that when you're in love with a DJ
the tables are always turned on you
sure, I was always on your arm
but your concentration was elsewhere
even when your hazel eyes locked my grey ones
390 · Feb 2014
Listen
Emma Azura Feb 2014
words flow like streams after a storm
but I want to say something I haven't before

you can only repeat yourself so many times
before people stop listening

so I'll walk through the rain a couple more times to realize
my flowery thoughts are meant to be heard
but you have no ears for me
387 · Apr 2013
What Words Can Do
Emma Azura Apr 2013
Empty promises haunt me and stab at my heart with daggers
A lonely thought wanders and dances through my jaded mind
It whipsers to me that I will get what I want but I can't tell if it's lying
Words can be manipulative and convincing just like I can be
This is my mind taunting me; showing me consequence

I know myself as one person but maybe I am another
368 · Jun 2013
Memories
Emma Azura Jun 2013
in the moment you were mine and your arms around me confirmed that
but in reality you were hers and i was just a pass time
i shed tears because i remembered our past and thought of what our future could have been
and you looked at me with sad eyes
the eyes of somebody pretending to be torn
of somebody who had already made their choice
we shared a cigarette and stared at the rain clouds
and I wondered what you thought of when you looked at me
363 · May 2013
Empty
Emma Azura May 2013
The surroundings are drowning my sorry soul  
but my fingers are too feeble to pry me away.
When nothing feels familiar,
I won't find any more than an empty bleak bed with wrinkled sheets.

I'm drearily dancing away from hints of lost enchantment
that come my way every time I close my tear soaked eyes.

I know where home is and it is not where I lay my head.
358 · Aug 2013
4 years and 6 days
Emma Azura Aug 2013
For 1,467 days I've thought of nothing else but the crooked smile that you own,
The way you hide it when you realize someone might see you too happy.
I've thought of the fast pace of your stride even when you have no end destination
and how your eyebrows arch in such a defined way.
I remember the mole you have on the back of your shoulder,
hidden from view of everyone you do not undress in front of.
I remember the intensity of our passion,
and I find a great deal of sorrow and irony while I think back on how many of those days you spent thinking of other girls.
357 · May 2013
Silence
Emma Azura May 2013
The silence weakens my heart
A lack of words reciprocated, their only purpose would be to tangle my mind

The absence of the letters that would form words is replaced by your shallow breath
I wait for what will never come

We have danced this dance many times but there is something different here
347 · Aug 2013
Feelings
Emma Azura Aug 2013
every single human on this earth has had their heart torn apart
whether it be the ache of mommy leaving you on the first day of school
the boy you thought loved you when really he loved what it felt like inside of you
the cancer that took your grandma last summer
or the regret of watching a series of your friends take a path leading to less than nowhere
every human is burdened with sadness
be kind
347 · Sep 2013
poetry
Emma Azura Sep 2013
I used to breathe my poems onto you with heavy sighs
my words would stain you as though they were written deep with blue ink
and you would hesitate to rinse yourself of the day

you didn't want me to disappear

and now you are vigorously scrubbing your skin
my words are faded markings that even I cannot make out
and you will remember me for all the wrong reasons
344 · Nov 2013
Living
Emma Azura Nov 2013
and it was only when I realized
I needed to get out of my own head
did I start to really live
and in a time so dire
that change was imminent
I became effervescent
to save myself
from me
344 · May 2013
The Sea
Emma Azura May 2013
meet me at the ocean
where the water caresses the sand
and the horizon melts into the sky

chase me to the edge of the sea
grab me hard
the cold, navy water promises things you cannot
save me
341 · Dec 2013
Christmas
Emma Azura Dec 2013
years are passing and people are leaving
going on to do bigger and better things
but each time the snow falls
and the lights shine
I feel emptier without them
339 · May 2013
Alone
Emma Azura May 2013
I like being alone
accomplishing a mental checklist of mundane activities
or doing nothing but thinking
I like being alone

I don't like being lonely
letting my mind wander to corners where you used to reside
tucking in the sheets, not having to worry if I've pulled them too far to my side
I don't like being lonely
335 · Aug 2013
Growing Pains
Emma Azura Aug 2013
thousands of minutes I've wasted on thoughts that lead to nowhere positive
only now am I realizing the utter waste
my dreams live on in a better place now
tangled in faerie wings and spider webs
glistening in my mind
I am stronger
334 · Oct 2013
Thoughts
Emma Azura Oct 2013
it never felt good to be without you
it still doesn't feel good
and i don't know who you are now
but i imagine this version of you is much better
than the version that fell in love with me
333 · Jan 2014
22
Emma Azura Jan 2014
22
Last year was so different
Secrets, lies, hiding
And for what?
Happy Birthday
332 · Dec 2013
Realizations
Emma Azura Dec 2013
It's taken me no time at all to realize/
I miss being in love

and lifetime to understand/
I do not miss being in love with you
327 · May 2014
Liar
Emma Azura May 2014
these sheets have never welcomed me this much
drained from dragging my feet on the pavement
my ears have been filled with your pitiful pleas
my heart is eager to flee from the twisted words you breathe
if I'm being honest, this silence is way too loud
and I can hear your thoughts through your skull

I've always wondered what it would be like
to have a boy kneeling before me begging for my forgiveness
I've always thought that I'd feel powerful
instead I felt nothing
IF YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE DON'T TALK TO OTHER GIRLS
326 · Apr 2014
Socialized
Emma Azura Apr 2014
some days confusion rips each half of me into shredded bits
and I never wake up knowing

my heart wanes back and forth between the different me's
while my brain tries to make sense of it all

does anyone know exactly who they are?
I feel like I have to run and never look back
all the while aiming for a box that I know I won't fit into
and the moment I reach it, it'll stretch and creak,
push me back to the old box I was in

categories rule my life
but I never asked for this
having many friend groups may seem like a blessing
325 · May 2013
Goodbye
Emma Azura May 2013
you look at me with eyes you used to save only for enemies

I will immerse my heart in wine
and doze off in thoughts of you
320 · May 2014
The Harvies
Emma Azura May 2014
I used to be addicted
until I rehabilitated
now everything is low
compared to the time I spent high
but whatever brings you up
always crashes down hard
always leaves scars

the needle marks that were your kisses
sit on my skin as reminders
that you cannot save a person
who is drowning in themselves
and rock bottom is a lot closer than you know
when drugs are involved
thoughts of you circle my mind only sometimes
I've been good lately
318 · Nov 2013
Bed Time Thoughts
Emma Azura Nov 2013
what used to be pleasure now is nothing but pain
my smile was washed away with the rain
and I shiver in the soggy cold
wishing I had someone's hand to hold
314 · Jul 2013
Home
Emma Azura Jul 2013
aching to run away from the crumbling mess I call home
I stumble into my thoughts and concerns
I writhe in pain and regret at moments lost while on this journey of emotions
get me out of here
get me out of here
too cautious of the feelings of those around me
I'd rather rip my flesh apart and **** the marrow from my broken bones
than sit another minute in this decrepit excuse for my abode
I will not wait
312 · Oct 2013
The Cycle
Emma Azura Oct 2013
sitting next to you knowing that you're not mine
with tears dedicated to that reason
dripping down my face
and you sat there holding me
soberly

but it was all in vain; afterwards
I did not gently do away with all of your clothes
I did not have time to whisper to your soul
instead I drove you to her
so you could slink back in silence

this time
the trace of a girl other than your own
was me
295 · Dec 2013
Dreaming
Emma Azura Dec 2013
day to day
I can forget your face
it is out of my control though
when my eyes close and you appear
in my dreams your face is beautiful and soft
fresh and inviting
in my dreams I want to kiss you
and I do
and in my dreams I remember why I wanted you
but day to day is not the same as it once was
I'm sorry I dream of you
my subconscious can't remember
I hate the thought of you
290 · Jun 2014
Last March
Emma Azura Jun 2014
I need to hear from you that you don't want me
or I'll keep thinking that you do

because the last few times you saw me
your hands wouldn't leave my body
wide eyed hoping not to get caught
287 · Jan 2014
Some Friends
Emma Azura Jan 2014
nobody ******* talks to me anymore
it crawls under my skin
and keeps me sighing instead of smiling
just when things get good they go south
and the farther down they fall
the more I thirst for them
270 · Apr 2013
You Are My Sunshine
Emma Azura Apr 2013
I remember when you used to sing to me

You are my sunshine

You hated your voice and I loved it

Mostly because you were singing to soothe my sorrows

When tears were rolling down my cheeks, melodies were rolling off your tongue

And I loved you for it.
257 · Jan 2014
Untitled
Emma Azura Jan 2014
I hope I never get my hopes up again
255 · Mar 2014
Knowledge is Power
Emma Azura Mar 2014
you are a novel I've read a thousand times
each time I become more familiar with the parts I don't care for
and there are parts I grow fonder of
I never bore because each time I learn more about you

I've read some other novels
some half-way, some all the way through
most books I never look twice at

Though since my eyes have glanced through your pages
I will always be enchanted by the words you convey
221 · Aug 2013
Untitled
Emma Azura Aug 2013
the weather's turning cold and I can't wait to complain about how the sun never shines
it'll be yet another winter without a hand to hold

— The End —