I'm about due
For a smoke and a back rub

I got up this morning
And tasted the air
And it held a twinge of salt
And regrets I can do nothing about
It held a taste of
the bitterness
That comes after actions you wish you hadn't committed
And it made my mouth twist and contort
Into the only shape it feels comfortable in now,
As I mutter "I love you.."
I know you're not thinking of me

I'm about to have a panic attack
These four walls growing closer
I feel like I just woke up inside a casket
With the dirt being thrown on top
And I can't even scream

I can't breathe,
I can't ******* breathe!
Get me out of here!
I can't be here anymore!

I can't cough because my throat is clutching
I'm drowning on snot and tears
I can't push this away
I have no choice
But to suffer
Through this

If I'm the guy who waits,
is there some way?
Cause here I am,
I was, I remain.
The aging clocks face,
ticks out each second passed,

and here I am regardless.

Caught up in fairy tale nostalgia,
forgiven all the wrongs,
hurt endured,
selecting only the best
and cherished
fleeting
flickers of glimpses
at night
just as I fade
to the place where you still come

there too, not always pleasant.
Sometimes I wake and ache so bad
but the cause of that is you
Will I ever turn you out,
face away?
Is this time squandered,
wasted, fruitless?
Or one day are we going to be, again?
Am I okay with no love unless,
unless...
if nothing changes,
distance remains,
who to blame
but my own cowardice.

Some day,
. . . . . . . . . one day,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . maybe,

hearts can change

I feel it now,
I'm beginning to levitate
It's been far too long since I've felt this feeling
I hear an electric start up noise
As I feel my pupils dilate
And when I look in the mirror
It's like staring at the dark side of the moon
I'm looking at my friends
And the blurs and extra copies of them
The traces behind their movements
And their eyes wide open,
REM while completely awake
I look at the lines in the hardwood floor
That are jumping around
In the way that piano keys do
When you run your finger all the way across them
And the Salvador Dali print on the wall and I
Are practically having ****** relations
And Einstein looks on from the wall with his questioning gaze
And I stare back in wonder, but I think he and I
Had a mutual understanding of each other
and everything around us
Like we were laughing at a joke that nobody else was in on.
I'm playing with the fingers of the couch design
That peel up and wave
And reach up to touch the ceiling
Because it's moving like waves do
Smoke moves in front of the light
And I laugh when it turns green
Then disappears
I feel all the notes around me
Floating from the TV that's playing Pink Floyd's "The Wall"
And when that hammer comes down, in reality,
It came down on my brain
And it splattered everywhere on the walls
in an aquatic watercolor mural
Because I was imagining myself riding a dolphin
My jaw won't stop clenching, but that's okay
I'm watching the trees outside perform ballet
And the grass roll in waves...
This is the best night of my life

These stars are viewed
Better underneath them with you
The song the crickets sing
Reminds me of the sting
And how alone I really am
Wishing you were here

I know you're sleeping
And I know you need the rest
But I can't feel lonely
When your head is on my chest

And I listen to you breathe
Deeply with closed eyes
And I wrap my arms around you
Reassuring that you're mine

But for now I'm by myself
Writing nocturnal diaries about you again
I'll see you in the morning,
So this night is at an end